The Unspoken

Today is Monday

2011-06-13T00:24:00.000-07:00

And it's my first day of exam. This week is going to be one mentally challenging week. I still have things to prepare for but i cant make myself look at any more notes. Why?

and surprisingly enough, i feel as if today is just another day of my life. It's like there's nothing unusual happening today, just a routine day. Am I normal?

When i slept last night, i wasn't even thinking of my exams (nor did i do any revision the whole of last night). I was just lying in my bed thinking of other stuff. I dont think i've ever been like this before an exam. I feel emotionless. I am not scared of nervous, nor am i confident or happy. i feel nothing at all.

Weird.

I'm a 1st year undergrad

2011-06-11T07:20:00.000-07:00

For years i have wondered how it'll be to study overseas. Since I am teh type of person who takes each day as it comes, I didn't exactly spend my days and nights imagining life in the UK, i just enjoyed the moment wherever I was, let it be matriks or maktab. But in the two years that I spent in IPIP, I did work to get myself a 'ticket' to Warwick. And here I am now, a 1st year undergraduate University student.

My first year just passed through like lightning, but this time, I didn't exactly waste my time (at least not all of it) as i can truthfully say, I have lived my first year in warwick to the fullest. However, a crucial time has approached- exams. The system in Warwick is different from what I am accustomed to, and now i just wonder how will i feel when I'm writing down the answers to the exam questions. Will i be able to answer them? Will I be calm? How similar or different will it be from my past experiences of sitting for exams? I set off to Warwick with a mission, and my mission wasn't solely to do well in exams, I have somewhat achieved the others, now i need to tackle this mission of mine.

The end of exams will also mark the end of my 1st year. I am filled with mix feelings. But I am ready to go on. And as usual, i will take each day as it comes, not paying too much attention to do the past, nor thinking to much of the future. Life is to be taken as it comes, one step at a time.

A Tribute To RAIHAN

2011-05-29T22:44:00.000-07:00

This is one challenging week I'm facing (I'm going to skip the details), and it must really be bothering me as i don't seem able to sleep well for some time now. To calm myself down and to prevent myself from getting sleepy at odd hours, I listen to Nasyid songs by Raihan. After more than 10 years of the group's success, I finally realise so many things about them.

They have succeeded in doing so many things that parents and teachers of the modern world (not all, but a huge number of them) have failed to do. This group came with their songs, creating album after album. And all of a sudden, a small child is able to memorise all 25 names of the rasuls, recite the syahadah and many other zikr while UNDERSTANDING it's meaning. And Raihan do seem to have a few different songs for the selawat to Rasullullah SAW and this too has become a practice by many youngsters. They may all be songs, but one important thing i finally noted is that Raihan don't seem to use stringed instruments in their songs, and yet their songs are so beautiful, meaningful and just superb!

As they continue to succeed in their career, they started travelling to other Muslim countries to spread their songs and along with it, to do the work of Dakwah. They made songs in different languages, but still sharing a big similarity, the lyrics are the call to remember Allah and to encourage people to remember their responsibilities as Muslims. As a child I did not notice that they were actually carrying out dakwah, all I thought was 'Yeay! I like this song', and in liking the songs, I started memorising them and singing them often. In every repetition of this act I was either repeating verses of zikir and its meaning or repeating some rules/reminders about Islam. I was planting them in my heart. And i believe, I'm not the only one who did that.

While the child me did not notice that Raihan was actually carrying out dakwah, some adults did notice it. I was listening to Ching Ai one day (its a song by Raihan in Chinese with some malay translation) and someone just went 'This is too much. They are translating it to other languages..definitely to do dakwah and to get people from other races to join Islam. They're too much already!' (ok..i cant really remember exactly what this person said, but this is indeed its core contents) So, unfortunately for me, I do have people in my life trying to brainwash me into believeing that doing Dakwah is Wrong! Astagfirullah...So many times some people tried planting this in my mind..Astagfirullah...and though some were non-muslims, i am sad to say, some others were Muslims. Thanks to people like these, Dakwah is becoming a forgotten sunnah as time passes.

A few years back, the leader of Raihan had a heart attack and passed away. May Allah bless him in the afterworld. Amiin. But the group still carried on even though they are not as active as before (or maybe they are but i just don't notice it). Rasullullah started his dakwah with family and closest friends before reaching out to the rest of Makkah's community and later on to those in other countries. Raihan has done the same. They started with Malay songs intended for Malaysians. As they became more popular and accepted, they started making songs in diff language to reach out to people in other countries. They followed the steps of Rasulullah, but in a different but still successful way.

For still carrying out a heavy sunnah which many people choose to ignore,
For taking the trouble to travel and spread Islam,
For reminding Muslims about the basic teachings of Islam,
For reminding Muslims to always remember Allah and Rasulullah,
And for everything else that you have done to bring people closer to Islam,
THANK YOU, RAIHAN.

May Allah answer all your prayers and reward each of you for your good deeds.

You're getting old while i remain young =P

2011-05-20T09:48:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, in a not-so-faraway-land (nope, not far...ini orang ipoh mari punya orang), there was this girl...

We first met each other 7 years ago in this place...

Main Convent, Ipoh.

Our encounter was not long, she left within a few months..

BUT!!!!

We met again in this place...

We were not class mates, but we were hall mates...and not just any oridinary hallmates, we were ladies with a mission -to pass the 2-year foundation course in order to further our studies in Warwick University.

Yeah, we both achieved our aim all right...but before that happened...all these took place first.

1. We became mommies to this adorable cat.

Together, we spent our allowance feeding her, and we took turns to play with her and keep her company. I did not keep Brownie in my room, so it was this friend of mine who had to wake up at odd hours in the night to open the door when Brownie needed to go to toilet. And we both became Grannies to Brownies 8 kittens. For some strange reason, Brownie loved our socks. My only conclusion is that, it must have smelled like fish. Hehe...

2. We enjoyed filling our bellies with food...

I have no idea why people around us kept staring at our table. I mean, it's not like we had too much food on the table, orrrrrrrr.........did we?

3. She is the first friend in my whole 21 years of life who finally succeeded in making me eat sushis. In fact, i actually like sushi now. IMPORTANT FACT!!!! She makes GREAT sushis...

4. Obviously...we also had loads and loads of studying to do..

But the studying and exam and assignment stress is always more bearable when you have someone to share it with...especially, if that someone is so full of jokes that you could start tearing from excessive laughing. oh yes, we might also end up with stomach ache.

So who is she???

Name: Nabilah Mhd FAuzi

NIckname: Lala

Hometown: Ipoh

Status: Single mother to Brownie, and single granny to Brownie's 8 kittens

Interest: Novels, Anime, Movies, Video games

Date of Birth: 21 May 1990

EH!!!! It's today la!!!!

Goodness me..you're 21 already? So sad! I'm still 18 you know. Was 18 last year, still 18 this year, and will remain 18 next year and for as long as i wanna be 18. In any case, old or young, you're still a person who mean so much to me. I will never be able to express my grattitude and appreciation for having you in my life for the past years (and hopefully for many years to come), but here's a simple wish for you...

LOVE YOU LALA!!!!

I don't want to get eaten =(.

2011-05-11T10:41:00.001-07:00

EARLY NOTIFICATION: I will continue 'The Turn' series another day. Too busy to write about that today.

Refering to the subject above, I hereby notify all readers that as much as I like to do the most enjoyable activity of eating, I have no intentions to have myself eaten!

UGHHHHHHHH!

Why in the world did I go and watch that video about that badger eating the most horrifying animals like snakes. UGHHHH!!! now i feel sick. that honey badger eats all sort of animals but it was the snake-eating part which troubles me most. I do not like snakes. I do not like crocodiles. I hate them!!!!! ANd just cant stand seeing them even in pictures or videos or even animation!!! AHHHHH!!! And even though i hate them, I did not enjoy watching them get beaten by the badger and i most definitely hated watching them being eaten. EWWWW!

And to add on misery and phobia, the snake venom actually did take effect on the badger as it fainted for a while. BUt then, the badger just woke up again and continued eating the snake. Very troubling to my mind...Scary, freaky, troubling...

I used to fear death of being eaten by animals like tigers or lions, now i also need to fear the badger. Oh please, Allah..please, please dun let my last moment of life be a meal to some horrifying creatures...

Aishhhh...I guess I should just stick to watching innocent cat videos. All this animal eating is not suitable for public viewing. Ok fine..it is just not suitable for my viewing. Now i'm gonna have nightmares...Astagfirullah..

See..this kitty looks so sweet, adorable and harmless. As a girl who stands for peace and harmony, I cant tolerate violence even from animals...

The Benefits of some of the Most Commonly Read Surahs

2011-04-17T13:05:00.000-07:00

Insyallah, every surah in the Quran has its benefits. But there are some surahs which are more often and commonly read among Muslims worldwide. As Muslims, it would be great to continue reading these surahs while knowing the benefit that comes with it.

1. Surah Fatihah Protects one from the anger of Allah.
2. Surah Yaseen Protects one from the thirst of the Day of Judgement
3. Suratul Waaqiah Protects one from poverty and starvation
4. Surah Mulk Protects one from the punishment of the grave
5. Surah Kauthar Protects one from the enmity of the enemy
6. Surah Kaafirun Protects one from kufr at the time of death
7. Surah Ikhlas Protects one from hipocrisy
8. Surah Falaq Protects one from calamities
9. Surah An-Nas Protects one from evil thoughts

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT: I received this as an sms from Nathifa Jasiyya Lowman. May Allah reward you for sharing this with us. And may everyone who reads this post benefit from each verse of the mentioned surahs. Amiin.

Couple

2011-03-27T06:42:00.000-07:00

Young love, sweet love...but is it true love?

In this modernised era, 'coupling' is no longer an issue but a trend and the current 'in-thing' whereby having a boyfriend/girlfriend is seen as a necessity rather than a sin. Just look around us, especially in places such as shopping complexes, cinemas, bowling arenas and etc, these places are often packed with young lovebirds. And most of the times, they are REALLY young.

For years I have been observing my surroundings and i note a pattern in this whole trend. Guys often choose girls who are pretty, stylish, sexy and at times 'gedik'. Girls on the other hand tend to choose guys who are good in satisfying their needs and paying them a lot of attention. I see girls with thick make-up and revealing clothes who just allow guys to hold their hands, hug them and even kiss them. Sometimes they do wear the hijab, but still their mode of dressing does not fully obey the guidelines of Islam. When they wear short sleeved tops, their arms can be seen. Sometimes, their t-shirt is short and their jeans are tight. Often too, their t-shirts are also so tight that it reveals every curve of the female body. What else, if the girl does not even wear a hijab, of course, much more is revealed. And now there is this trend of wearing dresses and mini-skirts. Yes, every part of the body is covered in cloth, but since these dreses are often body fit, in which the chest part is often emphasized, the dress is still not fully decent. And when the dress or skirt is worn over tights, the shape of the legs are still revealed.

The above are often the very thing that catches a guy's attention and so called 'love'. Then the drama begins. The guy starts to call the girl, or talk to the girl , or better still, even take her out on a date. And soon the girl will go 'Oh! He cares so much about me!'. When the girl is upset, he's there to offer her some words of comfort, and this time the girl will go 'He is sooooo understanding!'.

Girls, a man who is worthy of your love is not the man who hangs on the phone with you for hours, or send a few hundred msgs a day or even the ones who takes you out on dates. The man who is TRULY Worthy of your love is he who respects your dignity as a muslim girl and protects you from the straying eyes of all men who are not your mahram , including himself. The man who is best for you is the one who brings you closer to Allah, instead of allowing you or even helping you stray further from the path of Islam. Choose the man who guides you to do good and forbids you from sinning and he who reminds you to remember Allah in your every deed.

Guys, Islam puts you a step higher than the female gender. In doing so, you do not own the latter, rather, you hold a responsibility to protect them and guide them. When you marry, you carry the sins of your wife. Now, what kind of girl would you prefer, the one who is pretty, sexy and smoking hot or the one who is decent and God-fearing?

Our love for worldly matters must never exceed our love for Allah, and this includes our boyfriends and girlfriends. It is not a sin to fall in love, but it is a sin to cross the boundaries of religion. Do not look for worldly love, until you have found the everlasting love towards He, who is most deserving of your love. Once you find that love, you will eventually find all other loves in the world.

WHo do you want to please?

2011-03-26T12:16:00.000-07:00

Saya pilih keimanan dan ketakwaan.
Saya pilih keimanan dan ketakwaan.
ye...
Saya pilih keimanan dan ketakwaan.

Selama ni, Alhmadulillah, berjaya berpegang teguh pada prinsip2 hidup. Memang ada waktu dan ketika di mana pegangan menjadi lemah tatkala pencarian nikmat dunia yang lebih cepat dikecapi walaupun hanya kekal sementara, mengatasi pencarian nikmat abadi yang kekal selamanya.

So many times i fall for that trap, but then, i know i'm still strong with my believes as in the end of the day, I return to Him and know for certain that I am doing the right thing and in doing that, i find all the peace and hapiness that I need.

I'm a normal person, worldly pleasures do waver my stand more often than not. But when I pray and read Quran and ask for His signs and clues, i get that strong feeling that I deserve much better. What do wealth, good looks and popularity bring in the end? When we die, we bring nothing with us, only our deeds accompany us. What ever wealth we have in the world is of no use then, unless, while alive we had spent it in His path. Good looks? That too could be a yes if we don't leave prayers and we read Quran a lot. Otherwise...well...Fire is not a form of beauty treatment is it? And popularity...when you die, you're gone. That's it. No one's going to follow you in that grave, at the most, they accompany you for the burial, probably visit your grave during some rare occasions...and that's about all. At all other times, life goes on for the living.

Life here is temporary. What is valued by people in this world may not be the exact thing that is valued by Allah. And what counts in the end, is what ALLAH thinks of you, not what your friends or loved ones think of you (unless they value the same things Allah does).

So who do you want to please now? Allah? or the human species (who is ever so often hard to please anyway)?

Money Matters

2011-03-24T13:05:00.000-07:00

I am a careful person when it comes to cash. However, after years of being careful, i slacked and now i realise i have overspent a bit. well, partly, it is the fault of the housing agents who caused me to have 170pounds of my cash burnt, but on the rest of the part, this situation is due to the decisions which i myself make. Tracing back my steps i find that there are some changes i need to make in the future so to not allow this situation to happen again.

1. No more online shopping unless i really need something. I have most of the things already, like printer, winter clothes, sleeping bag, and books for this year.

2. Next year, definitely will still travel, but gotta cut down on unnecessary expenses.

3. No more expensive gifts back home. Will only post stuff when it's one of my parents birthday. And even then, will try to get something economical, and also light so to safe on the postal fees.

4. Gotta cut down on the chocolates and cakes and pastries. After this no more buying chocolate drinks from costa or curiositea. if buy also, only once a term or if really need to have outings with friends. And instead of having cakes and pastries on a weekly basis, or even a few times a week, I have to cut that down to one month once at the most.

5. cut down on top-up...use skype instead =).

Insyaallah, next year, i wont look at my bank statement again and go 'uh-oh!' =)

Of Lion King!!!

2011-03-19T16:02:00.000-07:00

When i was young, I really loved Walt Disney cartoons, especially Lion King and Aladdin. This hasn't changed. Till this day, i still love both these cartoons way above all others. I remember having a Lion King T-shirt when i was a child and it was one of my favourite t-shirts. everytime it was clean, i just had to wear it. It had a picture of Simba and Nala i think. My favourite character back then used to be Nala (now i prefer the hyenas...they're just super amusing!)

We outgrow clothes and toys but sometimes there are just some things you'll never outgrow. For me it is these two cartoons. When I am down or stressed and need some cheer, i just play these cartoons and for the period of time that it is playing, I return to the state of a child, where worry and tension are two unknown matters and my only concern is the 'happily ever after' that comes in the end of the cartoon. Sometimes, it takes innocent cartoons like this to remind us that when life gets so hard and unbearable, it is just temporary and that in the end, something good will come out of it as long as we ourselves are the good ones and not the bad ones.

One of muslims' greatest liability-the mouth

2011-03-19T10:34:00.000-07:00

I am remarkably surprised by Muslims who pray and fast, and read the Quran but are still unable to refrain themselves from badmouthing others and even spreading slander. What a pity all their prayers (some even have performed their haj/umrah) are still unable to make them strong enough to control their own tongues. Perhaps it would be better for you to utter zikr, or some verses of Quran rather than talking bad about others? Even when we have been wronged by someone, our religion teaches us to be patient and not repeat the persons bad deeds to others, what else if you have not been wronged?

It is not easy to control our words, but as badmouthing and slander are considered heavy sins which will be punished both in the dunia as well as akhira', it is wise for us to take this issue seriously and improve for the better.

For a start, before you talk bad about others, reflect your own self. Do you pray 5 times a day? Do you complete your fast during Ramadhan? Does your dressing obey the guidelines of Islam? Does your daily communication obey the limitations provided by Islam, especially when talking to the opposite sex? Are you free from committing sins especially,the heavy sins?

If we ourselves are not perfect, why condemn others? A person who is really good would not simply talk bad about others. Raqib and Atib are by our sides every moment of our lifes. The former jots our good deeds while the latter our sins. There is no escape for anyone and Allah is All-Knowing and also All-Merciful.

Often we take prayers and fasting seriously but forget that our mouths are one of human's greatest liabilty. Lets repent, and do our level best to correct oursleves. It is not easy, I know, I am not perfect either. But I want to change and i hope anyone who have also committed these sins will change too.

From Him we come and to HIm we return. We were born in a state which is clean from sins, but what is our state when we return to HIm?

When I Wake Up Too Early

2011-03-07T23:53:00.000-08:00

I have 2 and a half hours to settle things which i usually need to do in less than half hour. why? because i woke up early...a bit weird really. i've been sitting and staring and my lappy without knowing what to do with my time. i truly lack motivation lately. but well, last night was a good move i guess. today is a good maintenance.

Now the whole good thing about waking up early is that i get to beat the cleanes to use the kitchen and the bathroom. if i wake up late, i'll have to 'rebut' (fight) for this places with them. i wonder why do they come so early.. also, i have to fight for the place with the other residences on this floor. the bathrooms are all occupied as early as 8 am and sometimes even before that. but yeah, that's hostel life.

Though i have not done any reading yestearday and today, at least i've settled some other things. at times, it does get stressful when you have too much to see to in such short time. but waking up early and having so much extra time to do little things helps so mch to lessen my worries...

MInd Your Language

2011-02-22T08:39:00.000-08:00

So i was and am still terribly down. no matter how high i get during the exam and in the following assignments, i have no hope of scoring a high pointer. even then, there is no guarantee that i will score well for the exam and future assignments, if i'm struggling to comprehend the concepts and theories now, i may face more problems later. God, I'm scared!

Neway, i was way too upset yesterday to do anything or to talk to anyone. The moment i reached my room, i went straight to bed and slept right till 7.30. when i woke up, I still felt horrid. It was hard to work on the assignment as my mind was terribly messed up. the fact that the question is indeed hard did not help either. there i was, sitting in my room...all down and clueless. then, i decided that i needed to cheer up a bit. so i googled comedies. first i watched 'fawlty towers' than i watched a few episodes of 'mind your language'. oh, how i miss that show. 'mind your language' made me laugh so much and this really helped in clearing my muddled mind. i watched for hours. now i know that one of the key to my own success is to be happy and to take things easy. a happy and relaxed me is able to write essays fast and they usually do have a flow of ideas. a messed up and upset me cant do any thinking and i only end up creating a mess in my essay. when i managed to clam myself a bit,i started writing the assignment.before i knew it, i already had 600 words and now i already have 1212.

no, i havent finished yet. i still have a lot to write and since i'll be exceeding the word count, i need to cut down on my words. i hope this assignment will be a real improvement. my,my, my...getting 50+ for 2 assignments in a row...what a slap.

After MNIght

2011-02-20T11:29:00.000-08:00

reading week is over. the only reading i've done is 182 pages of 'My Sister's Keeper' by Jodi Picoult. fantastic book really. totally engaging and hard to put down. I've had enough of rest and i really do want to start on my culture assignment. since i've been sleeping so much these last 2 days, i'm considering staying up tonight to see to my assignment. i cant stay up on tuesday since i have the islamic course to attend the following day.

i have so much to write in this blog but i lack the time. MNIght was awesome. I'm soooooo going to miss all the fun i used to have during the practices, both for the play as well as the dikir. i worked for months to prepare the script and later to help out in the play. now i feel so engaged to both the cast as well as the backstage crew. i do feel like we're one big family. i felt even more 'related' to everyone when i saw how everybody wanted everybody else to do their very best during MNIght regardless of being in the same group of performers or not. We really do portray the spirit of 1 Malaysia. My,my, my... i feel a strong sense of belonging to MNight and to MSA. Now that it's over, i feel both sad and relieved. I might not be able to join again next year as I will be living off campus and because i have to be more serious with my studies. but if i have the opportunity, i will love to be a part of the MNIght family once again.

To all the performers, back-stage crew and of course the MSA execs...We rocked the house!

footnote: i have more to say. but gotta start on my assignment.

Random thoughts

2011-02-16T16:48:00.000-08:00

1. gonna go with the flow

2.Mnight is just a day away

3. havent finished my short story for this week

4.havent started on culture assignment

5.programme in prayer hall on saturday 10-6pm =)

6. had ISOC 1st meeting

7. i really need to stroke a cat

8.managed to get my hands on gogo's burger but that day's one is so much nicer

9. i'm enjoying 'my sister's keeper'

10. i am still able to manage my time well, and i believe so far i have enough time for work, rest and prayers (by work, i mean stuff related only to MNight)

11. i havent read anything related to my studies for weeks

12. gotta cook something tomoro

13. spent 9.10 pounds on food alone today

14. i've been moody lately (so don't be an idiot and do anything to test my patience)

15. i realise how some people may take criticism very badly

16. i'm eating too much fast food, chocolates and other unhealthy food

17. i'm disappointed with my sociolinguistics assignment

18. today, i really am tired with all the practices (but its due to hormones...nothing else)

19. mnight central hall tickets are sold out

20. i'm going to help to sell the remaining tickets tomoro

21. have usrah at 1 pm, but i also have a date with my family on skype at that same time

22. already, my activities are clashing one another

23. i still have that doubt

24. i know why

25. but do i know how to resolve it?

26. parents thought the real life flowers in my room is plastic

27. i'm lazy to remove my make up and go to sleep

28. i'm yawning

29. i vacuumed room yesterday

30. i have a lot of clothes to hand wash

31. i miss someone...

32. i'm scared of the days ahead

33. life moves fast for me.

34. empty

35. truth

36. ...

My Call Of Duty

2011-02-15T07:04:00.001-08:00

When i first came to Warwick, i was very much impressed with the Malaysian Society's activities. As a highly patriotic person myself, I of course wanted to be a part of all the excitement. I am a part of it through my involvement in the Malaysian NIght. Before this though, i had bigger plans, i wanted to be a part of the MSA committee. I chose MSA but Allah decided ISOC is my place. I lost in the elections of MSA but surprising won the one for ISOC.

All my life, i have never questioned the decisions He makes for me. This is no exception. There are times when i don't get what i want, but in the end (often the ends for me always come sooner than expected) i realise that there are better things in life. This is just one example.

I see my win in the elections as a call of duty. the time has come for me to contribute to Islam. And i willingly and happily except this duty of mine. I am not perfect nor do i have abundant knowledge of Islam. It is my hope that in my journey as the exec of ISOC, i will improve myself while using my leadership skills to help others do the same. also, I hope that my ability to write well and speak convincingly will help in my humble attempts to spread the beauty of Islam.

ISOC, I am ready for you.

Improvement+excitement=My Life

2011-02-08T09:21:00.000-08:00

What can I say? Life in Warwick is sure exciting, and it gets more and more exciting. Before this, I truly felt that i have wasted so many months in Warwick. Now that I reflect again, I realise that I havent excatly lost that much. yes, I wasted way too much time on fb, and I was hardly focused enough on my studies..but, there are still many gains during those period.

I learnt to cook and i have actually been cooking every now and then.
I participated and am still participating actively in the production of MNight.
I've taken an extra course in writing (i just noticed that it helps me have an easy flow in my academic writing)
I still scored a satisfactory grade for my culture portfolios
I have learned to be more patient (I cant believe it...I haven't really lost my temper for so long!)

there are a few more small achievements but i cant remember them at the moment.

This week and the following week are promised to be really exciting. On this Thursday, I'll be having the election for ISOC (Warwick Islamic Society) in which i have been nominated for the post of vice president. This is the first time i ever wrote a manifesto. I am rather scared of the elections but i promise to do my very best.

We are also getting closer to MNIght..9 days more!!!! AGHHHHHH!
haha, once all the practices are over, i'm going to be more free but i will definitely miss them. Being in the dikir barat team has helped me let go my troubles and stress. when else do you get the chance to shout and scream on top of your lungs?

And for the first time after so long, i actully achieved everythng that i set out to do during the last weekend. I am slowly becoming more and more organised. I hope to keep improving. As for now, i can say with confidence that I have improved my lifestyle. My room is so much neater. in fact, it is really neat. I eat more regularly. I have quite sufficient sleep too. I'm not too late for my classes (less than 5 minutes late..not my fault,Lynette likes to start classes earlier than the scheduled time). I am able to control the time i spend on the net esp in regards to using social networks. in short, i'm improving =).

May I continue to be organised and not messed up. I work well both ways, but I do enjoy living in a nice and neat room and with proper meals, I have enough energy to keep me going during all these busy days.

I don't know what to do!!!!

2011-02-06T01:41:00.001-08:00

Shahril has finished his manifesto. I havent started (no surpirse there) and i don't know what to write. I've had the whole of yesterday to myself. I didn't exactly waste it. come to think of it, i think i achieved quite a bit this week. today, i have play practise again and i still have a lot of things to see to. still having a free weekend is a real blessing! I wish i can have more weekends like this. I need the weekends to clear and clean my room, do laundry, buy groceries and to catch up on my work. so when my weekends are taken away from me i do go rather haywire. but as for now, i can still manage (quite amazing really...).

right now, its 9.47 am. i have practice at 2. before i go, i need to
1. go to tesco
2. cook
3. vacuum the room
4. return library books

can i do all that in time???? and i still have that manifesto to write...hmm...i need a clearer mind. that's all.

Cubaan Berani Mati

2011-02-01T10:27:00.000-08:00

why?

because i've been dead tired for the last 2 days. i suspect that exhaustion is finally taking over me. and despite the deadline being tomorrow, i still have a 1000 words to write for my culture assignment. under normal circumstances, i wouldn't worry too much. but now, i'm afraid that i sleep off without finishing and submitting my work first. also, i need to do some reading and preparation for mukul's class tomoro. it is rather impossible for me to get any sleep at all tonight so i worry that i will sleep off in mukul's class tomoro. to worsen things, tomoro is a busy day for me. i have play practise, dikir barat, tonnes of reading to do for culture and this time i just must write a 2000 words story for my creative writing class. all this while i have been cool about things, but now i am just slightly not-so-cool. this is definitely too much work already, and this time around, i didn't really procrastinate. but it's ok. i will manage somehow. at the worst, i will have to skip either one of my classes or one of my practices. my only worry is that if i will faint one of these days. why in the world do i feel so extremely tired???

1000 words in one night. this is definitely a first time for me. and for a very hard assignment too. i'm one hell of a risk taker..haha =)

Oh Bloggie!!

2011-01-31T03:49:00.001-08:00

First and foremost, I want to take a moment to extend my prayers for all the Malaysian students as well as the innocent citizens in Cairo. May Allah spare you from becoming the victim of political riots. Especially to my friends there, I hope you will survive these hard times somehow and may you be able to return to Malaysia safely. I hope the same for all the other Malaysian students there. May Allah protect you always. Amiin.

Hello bloggie. I'm once again updating you in the midst of my hassle to rush through my assignment. This is becoming some sort of ritual for me, isn't it. this time around, i have to write 1200 words for my 'Culture & Citizenship' assignment. the due date is less than 2 days more. so far i'm still cool and relaxed. not panciking-yet! =)

Only yesterday i found out about the situation in cairo, and about our malaysian students, my own close friends living in peril there. no news are heard from them. this gets me thinking. my only battle here in Warwick, is to juggle doing a few things at once, where i need to divide my attention to my studies as well as MNIght. what i do is not a matter of life and death. however, the situation is otherwise for those in Cairo. their battle is not only to study, but to fight for survival. now i feel so ashamed of myself. their battle is so much riskier and harder. i sit here in comfort and luxury. but they hardly have food to eat. I really hope none of them are hurt. And I hope that I will always be grateful for the comfort that I have and may I use them wisely without putting anything to waste-not my time, my money, or my strength.

History Repeating Itself..

2011-01-30T07:27:00.000-08:00

...and not for the first time.

not for the first time, i prioritise my societal activities instead of my studies.
not for the first time, i choose temporary fame instead of everlasting success.
not for the first time, i fail to control my feelings and now i'm distracted.
not for the first time, i will be doing a last minute assignment (1200 words in 2 days).
not for the first time, i sit and dream instead of facing reality.
and not for the first time, i realise i'm being a fool but i do nothing to make myself more intellingent.

again and again it happens, why is it so hard for me to prevent myself from regretting my own actions and thoughts?

6.25pm, saturday, 29 jan 2011

2011-01-29T10:22:00.000-08:00

It's the weekend and once again, my life has moved at a really fast phase. I can hardly keep track of time or even reflect on myself. only today i realised that i've been in UK for 4 months now, and in that 4 months, so much has happened. and i mean, really a lot has happened. it's as if my life is being played in fast motion. but for now, i will just right a few of the things that has happened this week.

Monday:
1. I had a delicious meal of fried rice with fried chicken which was cooked at midnight.
2. I think I had about 400-500 word for Oracy which was due on Wednesday.

Tuesday:
1. I had 1000 words to go for Oracy but I still attended play practise that night. Of course, i didn't sleep the whole night after that.
2. I had a real book hunt in the library (now i know what it means to be a hardworking student of Warwick). I was actually panting from all the rushing and hunting.
3. i was offered to represent UMNO at a meeting on wednesday, but SADLY i had to let go the opportunity because of MNight (sedey!!!)

Wednesday:
1. I succeeded in completing my assignment and passed up on time.
2. I didn't realise Mukul's exact instructions for the discussion so i wasted almost 2 hours during the seminar.
3. Play practise from 2-6.30 pm.
4. Dikir barat practise from 8.30 till midnight.

Thursday:
1. I was the first person to carry out microteaching, and i only prepared for it on that morning. My instructions were not clear and i need to have better class control. otherwise, i think it was quite ok.
2. Creative writing class as usual, i realise that these classes are getting tougher.
3. Play practise right after the class.
4. Dikir barat practise right after i finished my scene. Till pass midnight this time.

Friday:
1. Woke up late and went to prayer hall too late to buy rice =(
2. Fauzana needed to iron her costume, so I went to ET's room and wala! etea and ell served me a good delicious meal. thanks girls!
3. MNight 1st full dress rehearsal. I was rather nervous. I started off in a really awkward manner and i spoke my lines a bit too soft. AS for dikir barat, i made a really embarassing & obvious mistake at the beginning and i really couldn't remember the steps for 'oh my darling'.
4. someone put pork in my fridge space and i accidentally touched it. had to go out in the cold night, wearing really few layers to dig for earth. and it was hard to dig because of the thorns. but, with chibby's help, i managed to samak.

Saturday:
I've had a really good sleep. And i managed to wash a few scarfs. In a while, I'm going to cook and then i will continue clearing and cleaning my room. (it has got into a highly embarassing state). i hope to at least start about 300-400 words for my essay but i feel it is rather impossible. i've already wasted too much time.

P/s: we, that is the dikir barat team, will be performing tomorrow during 'One World Week'. we will be proudly representing Malaysia for what has to be one of the biggest event in warwick. One world week is a 9-day event in which students from various countries will perform a cultural performance from their country.

in short, i've had an exciting week and tomorrow, the excitement will be undescribable. Go Warwick Dikir Team! Let's make Malaysia proud =)

My Way

2011-01-29T06:50:00.000-08:00

And now, the end is near

And so I face the final curtain

My friend I'll say it clear

I'll state my case of which i'm certain

I've lived a life that's full

I've traveled each and every highway

and more much more than this

I did it my way

Regrets, I've had a few

But then again too few to mention

I did what I had to do

And saw it through without exemption

I planned each charted course

Each careful step along the byway

More much more than this

I did it my way

Yes there were times

I'm sure you knew

When I bit off more than I could chew

But through it all

When there was doubt

I ate it up, and spit it out

I faced it all

And I stood tall

And did it my way

I've loved, I've laughed and cried

I've had my fill, my share of loosing

And now as tears subside

I find it all so amusing

To think I did all that

And may I say

Not in a shy way

Oh no, oh no not me

I did it my way

For what is a man

What has he got

If not himself than he has naught

To say the things he truly feels

And not the word of one who kneels

the record shows I took the blows

And did it my way

A life of secrecy

2011-01-29T06:19:00.000-08:00

CHEER!
CHEER AGAIN!
AND AGAIN....!

I have lived without facebook for a month now, and i'm still alive. The absence of facebook have perhaps kept me in a bit of oblivion since i am not up to date with all the events and other happenings, but compared to the good it has brought me, i should and will NOT complain.

I no longer open my FB homepage immediately upon opening my laptop, nor do i waste hours on FB. Most importantly, i am spared the misfortune of reading some not-so-nice updates by other people. also, i myself no longer need to worry about what i'm telling the world, or what aspects of my life are revealed by my friends on fb.

I feel secure. Sometimes it's so good to keep a distance from others. FB does not always connect people, at times, it separates them. Thanks to FB, I myself feel so disgusted with some people sometimes.

Now, I feel that I live a life of secrecy. No one knows much about me, what else about how i feel. And since i take months or even years to let out my true exact feelings even to friends who are closests to me, i'm really enjoying this secret life I'm leading. All of a sudden, i feel like this mysterious girl, a girl who is slowly disappearing from the public eye. What I do and what i think are matters to be shared only between me and Him. I may of course let out statements such as 'I'm tired after practices', "I still have the whole assignment to write and its due in 2 days!' and bla, bla, bla...but these are hardly matters which can be considered personal. I believe in time, I might even become more quiet (we'll see if that really happens).

One of my main aims in Warwick is to have minimal conflicts with others. So far, there hasn't been ANY conflict (as far as i'm concerned), and i plan to prolong this condition for as long as possible. The absence of FB helps me to achieve this.

2011-01-24T09:36:00.000-08:00

I really do a lot of blogging while writing assignments right? Why? because..it's fun, it helps me keep my head from falling off, it helps me get a flow of ideas and most importantly, this is MY blog, what and when i write is entirely my right (as long as i don't write offensive stuff).

its now 5.45pm. i am finally getting some literature to be included in my essay. i'm still gatherin them so i havent actually written anything. I don't think i have written a 1500-word asseses assignment overnight or even 2 days before the due time in my past. this is the first time in my life i'm doing such a thing, and taking such a big risk. yes, i'm turning more and more last minute each day.

now its 5.47pm. and i'm still standing and i believe i am fit enough to work long hours tonight. i'll set a target. perhaps...500 words by midnight? that's very ambitious but i have to work at top-speed.

Of MNight and being a Warwickian

2011-01-24T03:35:00.000-08:00

So this is what's it's like to be a university student, and not just any university but one of the top 10 in the UK-Warwick. My, this is one hectic life i'm leading these days. I knew the time will come when i have to juggle a few things at once. Right now, I have MNIght practices every alternate days, the script never seems to be perfect, i have extra homework because i take and extra class (yes, i have extra class too on thursday nights) and i have assignments and tonnes of reading to do every day. Somewhere betweeen all that buziness and dizziness, i try to see to my other chores like cleaning and cooking. And now that MNIght is drawing really close, and my Oracy is due in 2 days( yikes! haven't started a word), i am going to extra measures to get everything done in time. just last night i cooked at midnight. my eating habits have gone haywire. same for my sleeping as well. but i like it this way. it's stressful at times, but up to now, i can still handle everything. I do actually enjoy my dikir barat and the play practices very much. i super love the actresses and actors =).

I think i still have problems organising myself. Almost every morning, i have to rush to class. Just, so far i've made it on time for the whole of last week. Isn't that awesome?! And on some days, i was even early! also, i am starting to read a bit more often than before. it's not that i don't want to do all the assigned reading, but Mnight is getting in my way. I don't have enough time to read everything. But it's ok, The real safiya is back....so, if i have to go to extremes to get my work done, and done well that is, i will do it. I am used to handling hectic schedules and being super busy. In fact, i have been busier than this before. I get tensed and tired at times, but I'll be back in full spirits in no time at all. I love being busy!

footnote: When i'm free, i must make it a point to write about 'Being a Warwick student', as in a more detailed account on that topic.

k, gotta start reading..ciao!

No more dreams...now it's time for reality!

2011-01-22T03:01:00.000-08:00

it's not going to happen, but i still keep on dreaming and hoping for the impossible.

But then, i don't exactly have time to do much dreaming these next few days. I'm once again caught in the mist of doing a last minute assignment. i havent started a thing and its due in 3 days time. i only just read the question yesterday. and to top it up, i wont be able to work on it on monday because there'll be dikir barat practise on that night. nor can i work on it on sunday because i have play rehearsal to attend and i have no clue how long that would take.

but at least while bloging now, i'm actually trying to work out some bits about my assignment. i think ive worked out about 5% on it. owh, i have'nt written anything, i'm still in the planning stage. i know my current situation is quite critical but i wont panic-yet.

come lets get oracy done!

End of week 2

2011-01-21T08:45:00.000-08:00

another week has passed. in the past, i used to look forward to the weekends as that is the only time for me to catch up with all my work, let it be in terms of education or even my other chores. that has hardly been the case ever since i came Warwick. Even my weekends are just as bad or even worse than my weekdays. If i can just have a whole weekend to myself, my oracy assignment is sure to be completed. but no, i'm not going to have that. i have practise for MNIght. This is going to go on right till almost the end of february. I cant wait to be get Mnight finished and done with.

I would love to stay up every night and see to my work but if i do that there'll be too many negative consequences.
1. my health will worsen due to exhaustion
2. i will sleep in class
3. according to Mr Ruban, it will shorten my life-span

Anyway, right now i'm sitting in warwick arts centre. it's really nice and peaceful sitting here alone. I'm unsure which work to start on, but i will make the most of my next 2 hours or so.

2011-01-19T10:30:00.000-08:00

So much has happened in the last few days, but i just don't have the time to write them all down. Life is moving too fast fast around me. and once again things are on top of me. Life is also getting tougher.

(this is definitely my shortest post ever)

One Day Later

2011-01-18T15:44:00.000-08:00

This post should have been written last night but it's 24 hours late.

as for my targets for last night, of course i didn't achieve all of them. editing the script took up all my precious time, i had to just forget about doing anything else. thanks to the script, i even had my dinner only at 11pm.

i still havent so much as look at the question paper for oracy nor have i prepared a lesson plan for culture and citizanship. however, i did read on labov experiment (assigned by Mukul), and now i'm reading the links which he asked us to read last week (once again, 'siaran tergendala'). despite reading it carefully, i still don't fully understand the concepts discussed. i pick up things in mukul's class, but these days when i read, i get all messed up and confused. but the good news is, I actually studied today. Sometihing i have not done for so long.

I Think i have to forget about practising a 24 hour system where i study and read everyday. there are so many days in the week where i just cant do that. so, i'll resume to my weekly plans. hopefully with the flexibility of time, i will be able to adjust my plans and achieve them within a weekly basis instead of daily. I could do with less stress anyway. Stress is one of the cause for asthma. I need to take things a bit easier.

2011-01-17T10:18:00.001-08:00

Ok, this is weird. i've only just posted something a few minutes ago but i feel like writing another post (if only i can have this kind of mood for my assignments). I just feel like writing my aims for tonight , as in by 12 am midnight (not 3 am or 4 am tomorrow morning).

1. I will re-check the script for MNIght.
2. I will try to work out an idea for a lesson plan for my Oracy.
3. I will read SLA chapter 5 (at least).

if i succeed in all those, then i will use the extra time to either browse through SLA chapter 6 OR to read up on the culture stuff which i didn't finish last week.

later after midnight i will update again to see how much actually gets accompplished. My battle for the night begins....NOW!

If This is a Test for Me I Accept It

2011-01-17T09:51:00.000-08:00

Today alone i don't know how many times I got asthma attacks. I wonder what is triggering it. When i went to the hospital that day, i wasn't gasping for breath, but now, i am. Can't be good right?

Lately, i just don't feel like talking to anyone. I'm not angry or upset, i'm just tired. all the coughing and choking takes up so much of my energy that i have so little left to do anything else at times. It doesnt help that i have a superbly busy schedule and that i have some responsibilities to see to. So with all the coughing and too much work, I'm not exactly the happiest person on earth.

I worry most about my studies. Last Friday, I had an attack during SLA. So, i just couldn't focus. Then i had to leave the class to use my inhaler. when i returned to class feeling better, i was totally lost. Good thing that I only need a pass for this year. However, I don't just want a pass, i want to do well. BUt at the rate i'm going, it'll be amazing if i can achieve anything close to excellence or even anything that can be called good.

This is just a test for me and i will handle it as best as I can. Should I fail in anyway, it wont be due to lack of effort because I'm going to fight back. If before this I may have had to fight other people, this time, I have to fight myself, or more specifically, my bad health.

A Redemption of Sins, So Why Do I Feel Down?

2011-01-15T14:06:00.000-08:00

In Islam we believe that sickness will get rid of our sins. And I have been sick for more than 2 weeks now. I thought I'll recover, but i am yet to recover fully. time and again my asthma attacks disturb and distract me. it bugs me while i sleep, pray, during lectures and all sorts of other odd times.

I feel rather down now. physically especially. Of course i pray and beg for a speedy recovery but i do realise that in a way, i fall sick for a good reason. still, i feel down. i am tired...really tired of coughing non-stop and choking so many times in a day. i'm sick of having more than 2 weeks of sleepless nights cos my coughs keep waking me up.

this is just a test for me. a test of patience and determination. i am more focused now than i was in the last 3 months, still, i need my energy and good health back. i have a full plate right till end of february, maybe even longer than that. i can't afford to be sick.

i shouldn't complaint. instead of whining i should say 'Alhamdulillah', my ocean of sins are being redeemed bit by bit. Maybe, i should focus instead on committing less sins. then perhaps, I will recover faster?? Oh, i really want to be well again...please....

Busy, Busy, Dizzy- But I LOVE it!

2011-01-13T15:48:00.000-08:00

Its thursday! meaning, i have already submitted those 2 crazy assignments yesterday and i also had a great time in city centre after that.

2 assignments are done but i have another to settle in less than 2 weeks time. to top it all, in that same time, i have to prepare to do an actual microteaching. how sweet it is to be the 'lucky number 1'. I don't mind though, it always feels great after finishing work. Perhaps many of us always overlook some of the small things in life that brings us joy, look deeply into yourself and i'm sure one of it would be the satisfaction gained after finishing work and assignments or when we go to seminars well prepared (finish all the assigned reading). personally, though i look cool when i don't do my readings or when i delay my work till the last second, that is not really the case. deep inside...I FEEL SO GUILTY!

Now that the 2 assignments are done, logically I should be celebrating some free time. the real situation is quite the contrary. If anything, i havent even had any free time and that will be the case very often from now onwards. right till february, i have my wednesdays, thursdays, fridays and even saturdays taken up either for dikir barat, my creative writing classes or the rehearsal for MNight's play. on all the remaining days, i need to juggle between my studying, assignments, room-keeping, shopping for groceries and cooking. late last year, i vowed to stay on top of things, whereby i do ALL my homework. that turned out to be much harder than i imagined. doing everything means sacrificing a lot of sleep and a lot of free time. i hardly have time to daydream anymore.

in short, i really am busy now. and life is going to get much more hectic. I'm not going to frown. I love it. I need to keep myself occupied so i will not complain. =)

failure to achieve target

2011-01-11T07:04:00.000-08:00

i failed to achieve my target last night. and that has made me loose 3/4 of my motivation as well as my confidence. instead of having 1500 words, i only have 1170 and even that needs major editing as i havent precisely addressed the key concepts of CAH nor have i provided sufficient examples for EA.

its almost already last minute, i have to finish 1000 words overnight. and worse than that, i foresee that my editing will take hours. it seems that the day for me to sacrifice sleep (not sleep at all) has finally come. if that's what it takes, i'll do it this time. i did start my work much earlier compared to my portfolios but i guess my 'early' was actually still quite late.

still, it's nice to know that at this time tomoro, 2 assignments would have already been submitted.

10.1.11: 9.25pm -Updates

2011-01-10T13:17:00.000-08:00

On sunday night, i finally completed my sociolinguistics assignment. All of it, the data, group work and also my individual work. the word count so far is quite good but i shall see if the essay needs any more editing later on.

i started on sla last night but i only manged to write 106 words. however, i wrote another 400+ in the library this afternoon. havent just had a long almost 3-hour sleep, i obviously have not had any progress for SLA. but now that i'm fully-fed and well-rested, i shall work continuously again and try to get at least 1200 words before i sleep after midnight (or mayb at 4, 5 or 6 am).

today was the first day of term. despite waking up quite early, i was 5 minutes late (or rather Lynette was as early as ever). i hardly absorbed anything in culture class and nothing at all registered in my brains during peter's class either. monday blues and assignmnet blues. that's all.

it's almost 9.30 pm now, i have to start my work. i dont want to stay up on tuesday night and wednesday morning to finish up my work. and since my class starts at 9 on wednesday, my work has to be done ong before i go to class. Class B, you're a bunch of lucky people.

2011-01-09T09:54:00.001-08:00

marini is right, blogging about assignments does give the motivation to finsish the work asap. finally the data for group work is finished, complete. and now i'm finalising the group essay too. intro and methodology is done, leaving only the data analysis to be edited. i'm getting there. and the moment this is completed, i'm going to finish up my individual work as well. i have to work at a much faster phase now since it is really very late already. for now, i am more spirited. i dun care what happens today, i have to finished 1 assignment at least. if i cant do that, then i have to at least start on my second assignment. wednesday is already so near and here i am still unfinished (socio) and unstarted (sla).

Current assignment update

2011-01-08T11:43:00.000-08:00

I have 2 assignments to be completed by this wednesday.
Progress so far?

Sociolinguistics
1. Group work and data- basically done but needs some editing and maybe a few citations
2. Individual work - currently 676 words and it needs major editing (this is already my 3rd draft-written from scratch 3 times)

SLA
I need 2000 words and so far i havent started anything!
I am still reading and trying to understand the concepts.

as for Oracy which was given to us months ago...just needs to wait till i'm done with these 2 assignments 1st.

I should stop blogging and instead start working but i seem to lack the motivation to do my work. I feel at the verge of giving up but i havent exactly given up. Still, i worry if I cant do my work in time or if my work is only rubbish.

ATAS NAMA CINTA

2011-01-08T11:32:00.000-08:00

Tika mata
Diuji manisnya senyuman
Terpamit rasa menyubur harapan

Dan seketika
Terlontar ke dunia khayalan
Hingga terlupa singkat perjalanan
Tersedar aku dari terlena
Dibuai lembut belaian cinta

Rela aku pendamkan
Impian yang tersimpan
Enggan ku keasyikan
Gusar keindahannya
Merampas rasa cinta
Pada Dia yang lebih sempurna

Bukan mudah
Bernafas dalam jiwa hamba
Dan aku cuba
Menghindarkan pesona maya
Kerna tak upaya ku hadapinya
Andai murka-Nya menghukum leka

Di atas nama cinta
Pada yang selayaknya
Ku nafikan yang fana
Moga dalam hitungan
Setiap pengorbanan
Akan disuluh cahaya redha-Nya

Biar sendiri hingga hujung nyawa
Asal tak sepi dari kasih-Nya
Sesungguhnya hakikat cinta
Hanya Dia yang Esa

When panic Finally sinks in...!

2011-01-04T11:02:00.000-08:00

i have approximately 5 days of holidays left and i have exactly 3 assignments to do, 2 of which are due in a week. AND...1 of them requires repeated readings to be understood well. no choice there, the concepts have to be understood, otherwise, there's no writing the assignment. Of course i havent started reading anything. and i'm still doing my sociolinguistics individual work, even the group work still needs editing. So, it's time that i start panicking!!!!!

i have been working on these assignments but most of the time, i'm just wasting my precious moments doing useless stuff.

PANIC, PANIC, PANIC!!!!!

still i have to finish my work somehow. I hope i find it much easier than my friends who are ALL struggling. the fact that they're struggling makes me panic even more.

I need a miracle. But much more than that, I need an attitude adjustment. I need to and I WILL set my priorities right.

Thank You, Seniors!!!

2011-01-03T14:58:00.000-08:00

Today is Bank Holiday in the UK, so NHS is closed and so are the pharmacies and shops. And of all the days, i need to fall sick today. I have been unwell ever since i returned from Ireland but in the last 2 days, my condition has worsened till i reached a level that i had to seek medical treatment. Since it's a public holiday, i was really clueless as where to go and what to do. Luckily, 4 seniors helped me out.

They took me to the hospital (which was seriously so far away) and i received the treatment i needed. I never thought i'll get this bad. And to need to take steroids...well...i have no choice.

I don't know what i would have done without you four. I would have had to wait till the following day for sure but even then, i doubt that nhs would have given me steroids (which turned out to be a necessity). And if i had waited i would be suffering for another night. So....

Here's a big THANK YOU to Mei Ling, Kamal, Chief and Syafiq.

When the near is actually so far and when the far is always so near

2011-01-02T12:09:00.000-08:00

That is exactly how i feel.

There is an air of coldness around me here in the UK and its not at all due to the winter weather. I sensed it even during the first few weeks in Warwick but at that time i thought that i was just culture shocked and that it was all my imagination due to me being homesick. After more than 2 months here i know i'm not imagining things. I've spotted the reality from the start.

I've always thought that geographical distances is the reason why friends or family may not contact so often. Of course there are other reasons, but i believed that geography distances is one of the main. But now, i think differently. If the bond between two people are strong, no distances can ever keep them apart. we live in the 21st century, if we live far from one another, even if we are in different continents, there's skype, fb, ym and so many other social sites that can keep us connected- for free. If we're separated due to deaths, still, we will always be connected in prayers. so, there really is no real reason for connections to break...unless, people themselves choose to break them.

This wouldn't be the first time i feel this. Whenever someone needs me-to talk, to cry, to seek help regarding religion or studies, or even relationships, i will always be there for them. And if i fail to be present, it is only due to really terribly unavoidable situations. I've even gone to the extend of re-activating my fb just for the sake of a few and so many times, I will ensure that i have sufficient credit should anyone need me to reply to some important questions. Also, I'm always available at ym esp during times when we have assignments etc because i want to always be there to help those who are struggling. of course, at times, i'm the one going haywire, but my main intention is to help. So, why is it when i really2 need ppl to be online or to even respond to my mails/sms/whatever form of msg to seek help/opinion/advice, it is always so hard to get them? I mean, i doubt that you're actually avoiding me (for most ppl i really do doubt you'll do such a thing, but for some i know it's real but i shall ignore you), still...how can i not get frustrated??? It's rather unfair that i'm always there for people but it doesnt happen the other way round.

And i no longer see a need to have FB. I might reactivate it but i shall take my time and i will deactivate it in accordance to my mood and convenience. If you're important enough to me, or rather, if I even mean anything to you, you should have either my email address or YM. and for those who i truly owe so much love and care...my dear family, you will have my skype. I have deactivated fb and soon i will disappear from YM too but for my family and maybe best friends, we will still be connected.

It is my family and my best friends who are so far away from me, but still, i feel them so close to me (though for some friends, even you are a disappointment). For my family, I am so touched that you're always thinking of me. and to my aunts, cousies, nephews and even nieces, i know you ask after me when you speak to my mother and i also know you wait for me to be online. And those who are near, well...in the last 2 years i have actually felt that you're far, that you're distancing yourselves, now, this feeling is even stronger. Still, i will ALWAYS be there for all of you if you need me. No, i will not change that part of me. At least, if i am to die in the near future, i know that i have done my level best to be of some aid to those who need me.

Honestly, what will I do if i dun have Allah and my family and a handful of old friends to turn to??

WHAT?????!!!!!!!

2011-01-02T08:02:00.000-08:00

I could almost swear that time passes much faster in the UK compared to Malaysia!!!

It's like everytime i look at the time, at least 10-15 minutes would have passed, and that's not normal. Sometimes even when i just stare at the clock i feel that the seconds needle is working much faster than it used to. I used to believe that one would feel that time is passing fast when she/he is busy and fully occupied. Yes, I am indeed busy but ever since I came to UK, i feel that even when i'm not busy time passes so fast. I could just sit and dream on the bed and before i know it, and hour would have passed. Also, when i'm bored in class or when i hate the lesson, i used to feel that time is passing slow. But even tat no longer applies to me in the UK. Now, i feel that time even passes fast when i am bored (of course it passes extra fast when i actually like the subject or maybe...the lecturer. ehem ehem...) in short, time passes fast in the UK and i dun think i actually like that. I meant to fulfil and enjoy every moment of the 3 years i have here. I've succeeded so far. Maybe, that's why I feel time is passing fast...hmmm....no, no, no...it's still not logical. Time does pass faster in UK. That's definite.

and thanks to that, i now have to work at an extra fast speed to finish all my work and to fulfil all my commitments well. 2011, you sure are going to be a very busy year for me. I've already gone through days, weeks and even months where i have so much to do that i hardly have time to breathe (this is what we call a 'hyperbole' in literature...wink!) I realise my hectic life is back..but i'll be able to handle you... =)

Goodbye 2010, Hola 2011!

2011-01-01T06:31:00.000-08:00

So it's the New Year. Goodbye 2010 and welcome 2011.

2010 has been a wonderful year for me. After dreaming of studying overseas ever since i was a child, i finally have my dream come true. I've experienced autumn and winter. And best of all, i've experienced snowfall and even made snowman. My trip to Ireland was wonderful too. The whole highlight of 2010 for me was to pass my foundation and make it to UK and i've succeeded. As for my results, well, it wasn't exactly as high or as good as i wanted it to be but it's the first time i can say, i have done quite well after getting horrible results for the past 4 years (i'm a total dope when it come to science). Also, I've been slowly rising out of all my troubles and the traumatic experiences I've had in the recent years and i can proudly proclaim that now, the real Safiya is finally back- stronger than ever. Yes, it took me some time but at least in all those time it cost I didn't really screw up my life or make any decisions which i will regret later on. Despite being down, I'm stil on the right track. Basically i have to say that 2010 was a good year for me. the only bad thing that happened was me falling rather ill during the holidays. hey, that's normal. I fall ill at least once a year, who doesnt?? Also, in 2010 i finally learn a very important lesson in life. I have learned to forgive others. I am not yet an expert in forgiving, but now, it's so much easier for me to forgive people and i find that i feel happier when i forgive. Besides, i think i'm learning to keep my emotions (the negative ones) at bay too. I'm starting to be more rational and less emotional, and I hope in the years to come, I will continue improving myself.

Goodbye 2010. You were a very good year for me. After having few direct 'bad years', you finally lit up my life once more. Thank you.

So with a happy heart and renewed spirits, I'm ready to face 2011! May you bring me and all those around me joy after each sadness, strength after every pain and hardship and most importantly good health and never ending faith. =)

Fantasy vs Reality

2010-12-31T12:29:00.000-08:00

My age is catching up but i'm wondering whether or not my maturity is increasing paralel to my age. If before this i became addicted to my childhood fav cartoon 'Lion King', now i've got myself re-addicted to another one of my childhood favourite, 'The Cave of the Golden Rose' which is also called 'Fantaghiro' on Youtube.

Lion King caught my attention once more due to its songs and the hidden but meaningful message behind the songs and the story (i'm not going to elaborate on this. might do that in another post). However, the tale of Fantaghiro did not actually re-capture my attention as the effect the story had left on me many years ago is still very clear. evrything about the movie captures me, the setting, the plot, the magical elements and even the song. This is one movie i will never forget. and the land of 'the cave of the golden rose' will always be preserved in my memory for a very long time, maybe even forever.

it hasn't passed me that the movies and books which leave most impact on me mostly have something to do with magic and fantasy. after 'Fantaghiro' i loved watching 'the 10th kingdom'. and my favourite next to 'Harry Potter' is 'Narnia'. All of which are based on fantasy and magic. most importantly, all of those story takes its readers and viewers into another world, a world different from what we are accustomed to. In fact, this actually happens even within the story of '10th Kingdom' and 'Narnia'.

Now as I grow up, I realise the actual pull which all these stories have on me- the fact of being taken away into another wolrd. All my life i have always wondered how it would be if I accidentally or even purposely step into a different world. Maybe that's what i really want and it's why i continue to love these stories.

People say that living in fantasy is bad and that we must always stick to reality. When have i ever cared much about what ppl think and say. For me, fantasy is equally important as reality. it is through such fantasies that i am able to leave aside my worldly worries and give my mind some rest. besides, fantasy story always play with 'hope' as the stories always have a happy ending. often, no matter how realistic we are, we forget the importance of hope in our daily lives. when the hope within us dies, our spirits die with it, leaving us to be a lifeless soul. True fantasy, we are reminded that hope is not gone and that gives us the courage to carry on.

Reality hits us hard at times. Fantasy on the other hand can be argued to be a deception. The choice of living a painful truth or living a deceptive fantasy is individual and whichever option chosen; the choice is never wrong. Some people need to live in fantasy as their realistic life bring them no reason to be happy. they can always opt to live with sadness and heartache throughout their lifes, but is that the right choice?

fantasy vs reality...there'll never be a definite answer to that (as long as i am concerned). I need both in my life. I'm a realistic person (I know I am and I don't care if others think differently), still I will always love fantasy. I think that no matter how old i become, a part of me will always long to be in one of the fantasy worlds such as those in these stories.

2010-12-30T11:08:00.000-08:00

I'm wishing on a star
To follow where you are
I'm wishing on a dream
To follow what it means

And I wish on all the rainbows that I see
I wish on all the people who really dream
And I'm wishing on tomorrow, praying it'll come
And I'm wishing on all the lovin' we've ever done

I'm wishing on a star
To follow where you are
I'm wishing on a dream
To follow what it means

And I wish on all the rainbows that I see
I wish on all the people we've ever been
And I'm hoping on all the days to come and days to go
....

I'm wishing on a star...

Reading week, Sushis and Birmmmmmmmm!

2010-11-13T14:57:00.000-08:00

i promised an update didn't i?

lets see..the only reading i've done so far is chapter 1 from O'Grady's SLA's book. as for the portfoilio entries, i've literally not typed even a single word.

but today, i did have an amazing time in Birmingham.

despite the fact that i'm notmuch of a sushi fan, i actualy dined in a japanese restaurant an swallowed sushi after sushi. one thing i notice is that sushis have a very bad effect on me. i makes me go all weird, as if i'm drunk or something. this has happened twice: the first was during the bonfire and fireworks in kenilworth and the second is this trip. why??? why?? what's in the sushi that makes me go all excited and crazy???! ppl from other tables were actually looking at our table and i could read it from their faces "these girls must have had too much alcohol"...

well, that's that. i guess, its no harm for me to go a little crazy once in a while right.

now to the other eventful happenings in birmingham. i shopped more than my expected budget. nothing surprising there. however, i am very happy with my buys. i simply adore my pair of boots (although it's exactly like lala's one..as she put it, 'it's ok kak long, we're sisters!'). while trying it, i din even ask for the price and since it was so very comfy and nice, i would have gotten it even if it had cost 30 pounds (it only cost 20 pounds). and then, though i already have 3 complete sets of thermal wear, i went and bought another 2 sets. erm..i'm not sure if this is a smart thing to do. i wash my clothes very often because i usually handwash and only use the machine once a month (maybe longer than that). so,do i really need so many pairs? but since i've already bought it, i'll just make the most of it. there are sure to be days when i wont have time to wash my clothes that often, so the extra pairs will do me good.

well...i could go on and on with this post but i'll stop here for now. perhaps i should do some reading. now, where did that novel go...?

My Big Plans for Reading Week

2010-11-10T01:15:00.000-08:00

firstly, i wanna smile as wide as i can, cos after so long, i really managed to 'melepas rindu' to some ppl who i miss so much.

so, it's the reading week. logically i (and everyone else who has reading week) should be spending the wekk doing tonnes of reading right.

let me list out all the work which i have successfully accumulated
SLA
(from the o'grady book)- chapter 1
- chapter 2
- chapter 3
- chapter 5
- chapter 13
(Gass & selinker book) - chapter 1

ORACY- 3 theories of language learning
- Krashen's theory
- listening (i have no idea why there is so much to read on this...ish!)
- communicative competence

SOCIOLINGUISTICS- definition of bilingualis and all its problems
- individual bilingualism
- bilingualism & the family
- bilingualism & the community

CULTURE & CITIZENSHIP- 4 weeks of portfolio entries plus the ethnograpy report for this
week (which includes carrying out the survey, analysis the data
and writing the report)
- All the too many handouts...

so..i have all this to see to and since i have succesfully wasted my 1st half of the reading week doing nothing beneficial, i am left with too much to do in too little time. Live is to be enjoyed, its not worth getting myself all worked up for this mountain of work.

now to my plans for this week
1) lepak with ell in leamington spa. might even go to jephson garden to snap some pictures
2) write emails and catch up with my family, frens and lecturers in msia
3) handwash my clothes (this is a must..no excaping this chore)
4) carry out the survey for ethnography report
5) might actually start on the report if we have sufficient data
6) i'll probably do 1 or 2 portfolio entries
7) i must get my hands on the oracy assignment (since i dun have the question paper, i still dun even know the question or have any clue at all about the assignment)
8) maybe..just maybe i'll read a few pages for SLA , not sure what i'll read but i'll try to read something.

as for the rest of the stuff which i need to read or do, i will just have to forget about it for now. i will start panicking when the dateline is really near or when it's about a month before the exams.

hmm..it's 10 am now. i've been awake for hours but i havent actually done anything. i wonder why i even bothered deactivating fb. ever since my deactivation, i've found so many other ways to waste my time well. hahah...i know i'm so gonna regret all this in a matter of time, but i just cant bring myself to care.

btw, who else wnats to joing me and ell for leamington? we can release tension ppl (i dont thinki we actually have any tension as just yet but who cares..)

When a dream comes true

2010-10-10T11:24:00.000-07:00

i was supposed to write many more posts earlier but the preparation to go to uk really took up all my time-but alas, i'm finally here in uk.

my journey started off with the torturous struggle to drag my 23kilo luggage bag along with my 7+ kilo back pack and my extremely heavy laptop. the fact that westwood was a 30 minute walk from where we were dropped off made everything so much worse. i'm really grateful for the help i got from haniff. also, i just cant thank the seniors enough for seeing to our meals on or arrival day.

the walk was worth it. as it turned out, my room is one of the biggest and the view is simply breath taking. in the first few weeks the weather was a torture. coming from a very hot country, it wasnt easy to adapt to the cold weather in uk.

now that it's been one month, i think i am starting to adapt but i just cant imagine how cold it'll get during winter. i am still adapting and i still feel rather lost in this new place. i dun like feeling lost. i like feeling fully certain and confident.

the food is not much of an issue as it is easy to find halal food. besides, we can always cook our own meals. this is rather time consuming though.

one thing really does surprise me though. when i 1st arrived i thought i was dreaming and every step i took felt like a dream. surprisingly enough, i still feel that way. i dont feel very real. i feel even i am imaginary or something like that. even since young i wanted to study in uk, and my dream came true. now that i'm here, i should at least feel less dreamy, right..

when will the reality that i'm already in uk sink in?

LANGUAGE CAMP: PART1- FLOOD IN THE CHALET!!

2010-09-03T03:33:00.000-07:00

The language camp this time was held in HOsba Valley in Kedah. The place was nice with a beautiful view and a lot of climbing to do. Phew!!! Remember those flight of stairs in the jungle people?? How i hated climbing up. for that reason and that reason alone, i kind of sighed when there are activites as all activites were held at the rooms which is high up in the jungle..hahaha..my description makes it sound weird, right. weird descriptions works well with weird people.

I was among the lucky ones who got to stay in the chalet. And my roommates were Faiza and Qistina. When i first entered it, i was in fact, rather impressed. After all Mr Earnest's empty threats about the place not being 'to our liking', i felt it was not bad. I still remember sending him an sms to inform him that my chalet was like a 4 star hotel. What a waste of my 15cents!!!

That night, we learned the true characteristics of the chalet. and we realised it only when we were sleeping. The ceiling was leaking! And the leak was bad. In no time at all, half the room was wet. To worsen matters, the room was carpetted, so even till the camp ended, the floor was still wet. Could you imagine the stink? we could smell it even from outside.

The lucky thing was, the management got it fixed fast. When they took of a part of the ceiling, we got a shock- the pipe was actually broken and the water was running down in top speed!

Despite the repairs, the three of us, along with our roommates form Batu Lintang lived in the stinking chalet for four days...

THAT IS LAST SECOND!!

2010-09-02T10:34:00.000-07:00

"Sir, we are ppl who work best at the last minute."

"That is not last minute, that is last second!"

That was Mr Yusni's response to our many claims that last minute work is always the best.

With 3 assignments due on the same day, we had no choice but to work at the ';ast second'. I still remember working with Jamie, Yasmin and Alya. We took the topic of 'Deforestation'. A day before the exhibition, we started our major preparations like looking for the materials to present.

we started our online search at about 11pm the night before. till this day, i thank my lucky fortune that we could access the internet that night. otherwise, we might have jolly well failed the assignment. we worked till morning. we prited and cut out pieces of paper to be pasted on manila cards. we also read thorugh our notes and forced what we could into our brains. with no sleep and limited time, nothing much went through. thus, we took parts and divided the info between us.

That same night, Mr Yusni got us permission to enter Room 7, the venue of our exhibition. He expected us to actually set uo the exhibition as in utting up our presentations etc. But what did we actually do?? We merely arranged the table and other furnture at our respective booths. All around teslians were sitting and only just starting to prepare the materials for presentation. As for me, i was cutting out the bookmarks to be given out the next day. Mr Yus spotted me at work. If he had only seen me doing the same thing earlier, i would have been very pleased with myself, but spotting me at that moment just proved how unprepared i was for th efollowing day. Later that night, all four of us walked around to look for 'ranting kayu' to be put at our booth. Mr Yus was not oblivious to our last minute work.

"Are all of you really going to do the exhibition tomorrow morning?"

"Yes, sir.'

"But I don't see any of you being ready for it."

"NO worries, sir. We will finish up everything tomorrow. We will come at 6.30 am to finish our work."

The next morning, i had my bath at 7am. I still had things to do so it was well after 7 by the time i reached my class. So much for our assurance of 'being there at 6.30'. Hah!! I managed to escape Sir but some other friends did not share my luck as Mr Yus saw them walking in at 7.30 and even later. Immediately, he knew there was trouble. Thus, he came to Room 7 to check things out for himself and.....WALAAAA!!! THE CLASS WAS IN TOTAL CHAOS!!!

We were only just putting up our materials for exhibition and as for my own booth, MIn and I were having a nice time decorating our title. We were literally colouring the alphabets which spelled 'DEFORESTATION'. Time was ticking, and our exhibition was due open in less than 30 minutes. Of all people to pay us an early visit, our main guest, the timebalan pengarah, decided to pop in early to check our progress. Till this moment, I can still see Mr Yus's look of panic. None of us were ready. There were 8 booths there with 52 people at work, yet not a single one of us were ready. However, with some unknown luck and a lot of cooperation, the exhibition started in time.

Alya blasted of the speakers at our booth with Michael Jackson's 'Save The World' and the exhibition was brought to live. We also had a powerpoint presentation at the front of the class. As people kept filing in to the room, we had to constatnly entertain our visiors by explaining about our topics. We were all very tired actually, but none of us let it show. As mentioned earlier, my group segregated our info and memorised only parts of our topic. So there were times when i couldn't actually answer the questions asked by visitors, but i rambled on nevertheless. As the day came to end, we knew our exhibition was a success. Everyone was happy and relieved, especially Mr Yus.

Looking back at this event after a year, I still smile and laugh at the crazy things we went thorugh to put up our Environmental Exhibition. We did everything at the last second, that's for sure, but working together made it a success, and made it one of my best memories in IPIP. special thanks to Jamie, Alya and Yasmin for being a fantastic team.

THE CLOCK IS TICKING

2010-09-01T07:02:00.000-07:00

THE CLOCK IS TICKING...
And thank God that it is.

My four-month holiday is finally down with only one month left, and then I will be leaving the country to embark on a new life in a whole new world. With only a month left to finish up all my final preparations, I’m once again wondering if I am truly prepared. Despite my ambitious plan to do the cooking for at least a month, I have spent my holidays by hardly even doing ANY cooking at all. I’m just not comfortable doing the cooking here, not when I can find so many better ways to spend my time. Anyway, I know I’m a survivor, and it’s not like I don’t know any cooking at all. I’ve learnt a few simple dishes and I will learn a few more in the few weeks I have left here. Then, I will surely be able to cook for my own survival in UK.

Tick-tock.

The days are passing and that moment of take-off is drawing closer and I actually can’t wait for it. This would be it. The moment. After spending 21 years of my life at home (even when I left for college I still felt rather un-independent since my colleges had always been so close to home), I will finally be free to set out on my own. And I am finally ready. Mentally at least. As I take my first step in UK, it is my hope that I will be able to start a new life altogether. I hope to be happy this time. And I hope to make the most of the time I have in UK.

There are things I wish to leave behind forever and even more than that there are changes I wish to make – in myself especially. And once I’m convinced that I have changed for the better, I will see to it that I do all I can and all that it takes to change certain aspects of my life. I’m a lady with a mission. And with God’s grace, I have confidence that this will be an accomplished mission.

I’m sure looking forward to embarking on a new life altogether. Though I am grateful for being close to home for the past 3 years, I have to say, it gets a little tiring at times. I mean, I’m bored. All my life i've been stuck in Ipoh! how can i not be bored and tired??

So, University of Warwick, I AM READY FOR YOU.

The clock is still ticking and before I know it, my one month will be up. =)

Menilai Keimanan Orang Lain

2010-07-31T23:02:00.000-07:00

Rasanya, setakat ni belum pernah lagi tulis blog dalam bahasa melayu. Tapi tak salahkan sekali-sekala budak tesl nak luahkan pendapat dengan menggunakan bahasa kebangsaan. Dah lama dah rase nak ketuk2 kepala sesetengah org yg agak menyakitkan hati ni. Nasib takde depan mata, kalo tak mmg gerenti la kene pancaran laser mulut saya ni.
Ni pasal email-email Islamic yand selalu sangat saya dapat. Memang penuh gak la inbox saya dengan email2 yg sedemikian. Alhamdulillah, mmg banyak ilmu yg dapat ditimba dan tatkala membaca email2 tersebut mmg ada peringatan agar terus beramal dan beriman kepada Allah SWT.

Yang buat saye rase meluat ni email yg saye kategorikan sebagai ‘email melampau’. Memang tak salah dan tak dosa kalau kiter nak galakkan orang dan saudara seislam kiter untuk ‘meng-forward-kan’ email2 Islamic ni kepada org lain. Ilmu dicipatakan utk dikongsi bukan disimpan untuk diri sendiri. Saye cukup suke email2 yg manggalakkan kiter berkogsi dgn pendekatan yg menggunakan ayat Quran dan firman Allah. Cth: ayat2 mcm ‘kongsilah ilmu walau seayat sekalipun kerana apabila meninggal hanya amal2 sahaja yg mampu membantu di akhirat’. Alhamdullilah, lembut je bunyi nye, tapi maksudnye cukup mendalam dan bermakna. Baca pun tak rase sakit hati. Tapi masalahnye, ade byk gak email yg tulis ayat2 mcm ni ‘org yg tak forward email ni adalah org2 yg tak sayangkan Allah dan Islam’ atau lagi best... ‘org yg tak forward email ni adalah sahabat syaitan’. Setahu saye, walau baik mane sekalipun kiter ni, kiter takde hak nak nilai keimanan dan ketakwaan org lain. Jadi, siape la kiter nak tuduh org lain tak sayangkan Allah atau sahabat syaitan?

Ape jaminan nye, kalo org tu forward mail tu, dier org yg beriman? Setakat ni, xde lagi ayat Quran yg cakap, kalo tak forward email2 islamic, kiter dianggap tak beriman kan.

Kalau nak dakwah, banyak caranya. Mungkin sesetengah org suker menggunakan email, dan ini mmg tak salah. Kalau difikirkan, ini mmg langkah yang cukup sesuai dengan era globalisasi skarang ini. Kalau org lain tidak forward email, tak bermaksud org itu tak beriman dan tidak berdakwah. Mungkin bagi org lain, lebih mudah berdakwah dgn care bercakap atau berbual, cthnye dalam usrah. Bagi saya, selagi kiter hidup dgn mengamalkan nilai2 Islam, itu pun adalah satu cara dakwah kerana org lain dpt melihat nilai2 yg kiter pegang dan insyaallah ada yang akan mengikut. Cthnye, kalau kiter berpakaian sopan dan menutup aurat. Mungkin ade sahabat yg terbuka hatinya utk meneladani kita setelah berkawan dgn kiter. Jadi, itu dah menjadi dakwah bukan. Ataupun apabila kiter menjaga batas2 pergaulan kiter, dan ade sahabat yg memilih untuk menjadi begitu juga setelah menyedari kepentingan menjaga batas, itu pun dakwah jugak. Jadi, kalau nak dakwah, tak yah ar nak tulis ayat2 yg menghina org. Rasullullah SAW berdakwah dgn care yg cukup lembut dan beretika. Sebagai umat Rasullullah SAW eloklah kite mencuba sedaya upaya untuk meneladani baginda.

Alang2 bercakap tentang isu ni, sy ingin mengambil kesempatan ini untuk mengucapkan setinggi-tinggi penghargaan kepada ajk2 di Surau An-Nur di IPIP dan semua sahabat lain yg pernah berkongsi ilmu Islam dgn saye. Selama sye berada di IPIP, tak pernah sekali pun saya rase tidak selesa dgn ajk2 surau di IPIP. Anda semua mmg best dan saye cukup suka care anda berkongsi ilmu Islam. Sungguh, saye amat2 bersyukur kerana berpeluang utk berkenalan dan mengambil manfaat dari ilmu yg telah saudara dan saudari sekalian kongsi. Mmg sye bukan ahli surau, tapi itu tidak bermaksud yg sye tidak menghargai segala yg telah dilakukan oleh ajk surau. Biar Allah sahaja lah yg membalas jasa2 anda. Also, kepada mane2 sahabat yg pernah berkogsi ilmu dgn ape cara sekalipun (care baik la), tak kiralah ngan email ke, ngan sembang2 ke, usrah ke, tazkirah ke, terima kasih byk2 ye..syg korunk.

Dan bagi org2 yg suka sgt nak hantar email yg menghina org, esp kalo email itu berkisar ngan islam, siaplah, lepas ni sye tidak akan ‘forward’ email itu, tapi saye akan ‘reply’ email itu dan nanti tengoklah, ape yg saye reply.

Assalamualaikum.

2010-07-13T23:24:00.000-07:00

It's been so long since i've posted anything. Before the holidays started i made an aim that i will post something evryday, but more than a month has passed without a single post by me. That is one of my many plans which has gone rather haywire this holidays.

i meant to do so many things this hols but i've hardly done or accomplished anything. i still have a long list of things to do and these chores are driving me nuts. i feel so tensed over it.

but i'm starting to think that i'm just loosing my mind. i mean, i have actually done my medical check up, and since i did it in private, i've even gotten the results. also i have changed my i/c, and bought a few stuff for uk. i know i'll be much more relieved after the visa is done but still i feel so tensed.

on my agenda for the hols, i had another 2 aims..to teach my mom computer and to learn how to cook. i've succeeded in accomplishing the former..she still has stuff to learn but basically the job is almost done. as for me learning to cook. i might be able to do it but i'll only consider myself learnt if i can cook a few dishes without my mom telling me the next steps from my back.

so now, i have to take picture for visa and do some rading for uk. err..will i actually read anything? i mean, it is the hols..but i'll try. and also, i meant to fast in the month of rejab but i've been sick til i ended up not even fasting for a single day. see..so many plans went astray..

anyway, i'll try to cool myself down. and do things one at a time. i just need to be cool and calm. cool girl..cool

3 DOWN, 1 TO GO

2010-05-19T03:15:00.000-07:00

The battle is almost won!

only one paper left and that is the grammar paper. the revision class was really helpful as it cleared most of my doubts. i'm not only more prepared but also more confident.

so how was LDV? well, it was not bad really. only the comprehension was abit counfusing. but the essays was definitely easier than the ES quuestions.

just i cant help feeling i was being redundant a few times. however, as usual, i did my very best.

that paper seems to shine some rays of hope for me.

anyway, one paper left and then it will al be done and finished with.

2 DOWN 2 TO GO

2010-05-18T07:35:00.000-07:00

There's half the burden off my shoulders. Despite my tremenodus hardwork, I must say i am rather frustrated with my paper just now. it's a good thing I did not rely on all those ridiculous spot questions. i relied instead on my own heart. I was right, it was on 'Charles' and the theme of frindship and love in MOV.

what disappointed me was the amount of time wasted in writing the 2 essays. when the questions asks for 5 examples, i am left with no choice but to write 5 points insted of my usual 3 points. and i got rather carried away as my essay was almost 5 pages long!!! no wonder it took so much time.

then there is the second question for novel. with so much time wasted on the mov essay, i was left with approximately 20 minutes to write this essay and the question was not direct. what with no time to draft my work or check my essay, i really cant expect a good grade. and it my answer is so different from my other friends. i hope i've not misinterpreted the question or wrote too clumsily.

then there's the poem which i did not have enough time to finish answering. there goes another 6 marks.

with so much marks loss here and there the prospects of scoring seems very dim. i have done my very best. i pushed myself to the limit during the exam just now. i thought so hard that i'm now having a headache. this is what we call mental strain.

the good thing is i still managed to finish my essays. i hope somehwhere beneath all those excessive rambling, i will still be awarded some marks. so, 2 down and i'm now left with another 2 papers.

all is not yet lost! chaiyok!

1 DOWN 3 TO GO!

2010-05-17T02:01:00.000-07:00

There's the biggest and toughest paper settled. Gosh, those stimulus were all so confusing. i almost got duped into believing that thequestion on population growth was actually on overpopulation. and i just didn't know if we were supposed to discuss both the positive nad negative impacts of it, so i took the safer way. i ignored that question.

somehow, i have this feeling. i know i've answered some parts of section a wrongly. the one about conflict. i most imaginatively and conveniently used my own terms to described the methods of resolving conflicts. are terms of my own creations acceptable in a paper which depend heavily on content and precision?

And how much marks had i actually lost with those mistakes of mine?

and for the questions in section b. they did not state how many points they actually wanted. i was torn between answering less or more. either way, there's a risk to be penalised.

anyhow, one thing is for sure. i truly did my best. so my conscience are clear. i have nothing to regret.

now it's time for me to allow Allah to do his part.

and good thing i didn't rely on the spot questions. ridiculous sopt questions la. satu habuk pun tak kuar.

and i shall do the same for tomorrow. rely more on my heart and my already existing knowledge rather than all these spot questions.

i know i've worked hard, but i still feel worried. the poetry section would determine my overall grade. i hope that the history during mock will not repeat itself. at the same time, though i've been preparing myself for the essays, though i've been reading up on the important quotes, i now feel worried that i have not done any essays. ulike my other friends who have been writing essay after essay.

i have about 5 hours more to equip myself the best way possible, and than its left to my luck and previous preparations.

i'm scared!!!

FINALS FINALLY

2010-05-15T05:13:00.000-07:00

it's finally here, from a 2 years-wait, its now down to 1 day.

am i ready to face the finals?

have i finished studying?

have i corrected my mistakes?

oh, who cares!

now i only want to do my best and be done and finished with the exam.

i really want to do well but something tells me, i'm not going to achieve my target.

and if i dont, i will most probably go through hell for the next 3 months or maybe even next few years.

ya la, some people (esp all that grown ups) expect me to be perfect all the time, to score only the best and nothing less.

if others watch movies and facebook since sem 1, it's still not as bad as me doing these things only at the final weeks of sem 4. not because i don't care for my studies, but because i know i cant work well under pressure. and since i'm almost ready, why not take a break?

but these people..sigh..instead of looking at the fact that i have worked like mad for more than a year and a half, they see that i play around at the final weeks before the exam.

anyway, to Mr Yusni, Pn Kana and Mr Earnest , thank you for understanding me and realising that what i need most is a free mind, not a last minute overload. while some others make me over-pressured, and act as if i'm committing a serious crime by enjoying myself, all 3 of you undestand that i have already put in my effort, long ago since day one in IPIP. you knew, i need rest and relaxation. thank you for believing in me and and for judging me on an overall basis instead of the very few times that i don't study. love you all so much! and mr lim too... yoo're one of the best lecturers i've ever met. your last remark that day made my spirits soar really high. if i had any doubts before, the fact that you believe in me has made those doubts disappear.

WHEN WILL I EVER GROW UP???!!!

2010-05-01T23:58:00.001-07:00

finals is already so near but i still find it almost impossible to stay away from my cartoons and harry potter!

i mean i'm already 21 but i still love these childish stuff (i shall explain why in future posts, no time now).

i know i'm tired after class but still..i watch lion king every afternoon, without fail.

and i watch all 3 movies at times.

i still love books like sabrina the teenage witch,narnia,roald dahl and of course, HARRY POTTER.

i should be memorising facts for social studies but here i am memorising the songs from lion king.

ok, i think i know the problem.

besides the fact that the songs are simply lovely, it's the cats which are attracting me.

i simply love the whole cat kingdom, from lions to tigers and cheetahs. alright, due to the influence of lion king, i shall put an exception to hyenas.

well, will i ever grow up?

or will i still be watching cartoons even 20 years from now?

DIGGING MY OWN GRAVE

2010-05-01T23:58:00.000-07:00

i mean that literally!

AGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

officially 2 weeks more before exam

and all i do day and night is waste my time doing nothing beneficial

i've got myself addicted to childish stuff once more

i keep watching lion king again and again

and it may be ok if i only watch it once a day

but i watch 3 movies in a day!

and my harry potter..God, i just can't leave without you

i know all the lines, but still i keep watching it over and over again.

it was good to have deactivated my facebook

i thought that would mean less distractions for me

but alas, i've found myself other forms of distractions to keep myself away from my books

MOVIES!

and not just any movies..

it's all kids stuff!

i still have so much to cover

i dont think i can cover it all in time

but at the same time i can't stop myself from playing around

what's happening to me?

We Are One

2010-05-01T07:41:00.000-07:00

as we go through life we'll see
there is so much that we don't understand
and the only thing we know
is things don't always go the way we planned
but you'll see every day
we will never turn away
when all of your dreams come undone
we will stand by your side
filled with hope and filled with pride
we are more than we are
we are one

(child)
if there's so much i must be
can i still just be me
the way i am
can i trust in my own heart
or am i just one part
of some big plan

even those who are gone
are with us as we go on
your journey has only begun
tears of pain
tears of joy
one thing nothing can destroy
is our pride deep inside
we are one

we are one
you and i
we are like the earth and sky
one family under the sun
all the wisdom to lead
all the courage that you need
you will find when you see
we are one

IT'S DRAWING NEAR NOW

2010-04-28T06:21:00.000-07:00

Tomoro we will be doing our passports.

There's only 18 days left to finals.

We have got the forms to fill in, and there's tonnes of it.

I am studying and preparing, but still i find myself in this dilemma.

I am scared of failing. Even though i know my hardwork all this while will pay off in some way, i am still scared.

But even more than that, i am scared of the future.

what will happen after this?

I am definitely happier now than i was a few weeks back. Maybe i'm becoming more confident as i cover more and more of the syllabus. maybe i'm just looking forward to a new life.

Still, in my heart, i havethis doubt and the instincts that something is going to happen. but what, i don't know.

2010-04-18T08:06:00.000-07:00

that's it. a break. that's wat i needed and got it too.

had a wonderful weekend at home. went shopping, watch many movies, ate good food and had a nice sleep.

but i really do miss my darling cat. it makes me feel so sad to see those tuna cans and know she'll never be back to eat at my home again. i still remember the last time she came, before she died. i was busy with my lappy and she came and sat next to me. then, the next thing i knew, she was siting comfortably on my lappy. she looked so cute, but i had to move her...

after some time, she left, as usual.

just this time i didn't know that it'll be the last time i see her and play with her.

i keep imagining her voice, i keep seeing her at the gate. i miss her.

but i believe it's really time for you to go. thank you for bringing cheer and joy to my home. we all love you..muaks..rest in peace k.

Respect

2010-04-13T07:08:00.000-07:00

old malay proverb, 'ikut resmi padi, makin berisi, makin tunduk' teaches us to be humble, polite and respectful even if we are loaded with knowledge or wealth.

so i cant understand why for some people it is just so hard to be respectful.

this is not the first time i'm writing about this issue.

exactly why are you so stuck up and so very full of yourselves?

today, so many times we reminded you people to be quiet and respect the speakers, but still keeping quiet was an impossible mission for you. and for some people, i personally gave you signs and reminded you again and again to stop talking but still..you shut up for a while and became noisy again later.

and your attitudes..gosh..some of you are indeed nice and sweet but some...!

mind you, you are new here, and many of you had not seen me or any other seniors giving you a piece of our minds. we don't hate you, not at all. but please be more respectful, not only towards lecturers and seniors but also towards your own friends. if someone is speaking/ talking, the civilised and respectable thing to do, is to be quiet and listen. you're all going to be teachers an when you talk in front of the class, you too will hate it if students are talking at the back.

'what goes around comes around'

think about it.

when dreams come true

2010-04-12T04:34:00.000-07:00

i've patiently waited for so long, since form 2, never once did i doubt the power of Allah in providing me with the best, and then my dream came true. and one great shock it was for me as it came when i least expected it and when i was hit with various problems and bad news. but still, a dream come true..

i knew i have to wait some more and i did (still doing in fact), but why do i feel something has gone wrong? did i do something to screw up or complicate things?

is this another test for me?

You know i will keep waiting and will accept any decision You make for me, but this time i just want some hints. I promise, i will do my level best to accept it if things are not how i want them to be. I believe in You, very,very much but sometimes i do feel restless with my long and painful wait, could You please speed things up for me or at least let me find something to be happy about for now? or better still, could You pls fulfill my heart's desire? that one particular one which i have no control over??

2010-04-11T04:44:00.001-07:00

ok, discipline girl, discipline. no fb and blogging till essay is partly done.

i already had a fantastic weekend, now its time to work.

ok, safiya..be a good girl. after work is done can continue chatting with old frens.

I JUST LOVE YOU PEOPLE SO MUCH! ALWAYS FEEL SO HAPPY AFTER CHATTING OR MEETING YOU ALL. MUAKS,MUAKS,MUAKS!

2010-04-03T20:49:00.000-07:00

k, my presentation is still way past 10 minutes, and that's without a conclusion. i just don't feel like doing any assignments and even when i write the dialog for ldv, i am stuck and cant think anymore. and i don't even have a single word for the 500 word essay. why am i like this? am i just so sick of work or is it because i am dying to do my es assignment instead? see, i like es and i find that question very interesting. i just wish to be rid of all these assignments so that i can start my revision..i want to revise la. want to study for finals.

the joys of motherhood

2010-04-01T03:42:00.000-07:00

some may be shocked to learn that i want to have 8 kids. ok, that's quite a lot of delivering for me to do, so i hope for a minimum of 5..
why so many children? for one thing, i'm the only child and i really want to expend my family. and for the other reason, i simply love children.
these are all my darlings. some of them grew up with me. i spend my holidays in kl with my nephews and nieces. so, they are really attached to me.

there is a big difference when a child grow up with you. see, Irshad, (the 2nd picture) was in ipoh till he was about 2 years old. i used to spend every weekend with him. and sometimes he even demanded to see me during the weekdays. once he shifted to kl, i started spending my holidays in kl with him and his brother. now in form 1, he is still so close to me. he is a very extremely shy boy, but because he grew up with me, he is not akward to be close to me.

and imran (the 1st pic) he really is a charmer. i still remember the times when he used to come and sleep on me. and he is just so sweet with his words even till now. recently i baked him a cake, and he told me 'soon, you will be baking for secret recipe' sweet right. when he was much smaller, he once told his mother 'you baked the best pizzas in the world, but pizza hut is nicer'.

i dun have a picture of shameer but i will upload it someday. but i have one of his brother, shamser (last picture)..both are so highly entertaining and i just have fits of laughter with them.

and my 2 darling girls, aishah and ameera, there's simpply no words to describe the joy of being with you. aishah touched my heart in so many ways.. she wrote a love letter to me telling me how much she loves me (i still keep it) and she is always so thoughtful of others. a real good kakak. and ameera, your smiles bring joy to me even when i'm most tensed.

children, they show their affection in love in the most unexpected ways. aishah and shamser would just suddenly come up to me and hug me. irshad and imran's constant question to me is always 'when are you coming to kl' and when i've spent days and weeks with them and are about to come back to ipoh, they'll immediately ask 'when are you coming again?'

one of my greatest pleasures of life is to watch you children grow up. and that more than anything is the reason why i really want many kids. in fact, one of the reasons why i don't want to be a doctor is because i dont want my future children to be neglected due to my career.

seems like i'm desperate to be a mother right? well, i have no rush to have a bf or a husband, but i have such a longing to be a mother..i wonder why? maybe because i've had a glimpse of the joys of motherhood.

i really love cats

2010-04-01T03:36:00.000-07:00

see my last post, cute right?

that's why i love them so very very much.

cats can never hurt me,unlike humans.

when i show them affection, they show me even more love..

oh,cats i love you so much...muaks, muaks, muaks..

the loss of civilisation

2010-04-01T03:01:00.001-07:00

Just look at those adorable cats. any cat lover will just melt when they see the pictures. but it is my assumption that even those who are not cat lovers will be nothing but disgusted at the thought of eating cats or dogs (sorry, no pictures of doggies).

that's what i'm going to discuss in this post. the absurd and cruel proposal of eating dogs in order to reduce the amount of stray dogs on the roads. some time back, this vet by the name dato ahmad suhaimi actually suggested that in order to reduce the amount of stray dogs, we should kill them and sell them by the pounds to be consumed.

back in the japanese era, people used to eat cats and dogs because of desperation, because that was their only chances of survival. now, we have abundant food. people wate food on a daily basis. so why in the world should we kill and eat man's best friend?

some time back, it was found that rabbit's meat is more healthy and less in calories. yet the proposal to eat rabbit meat was not accepted by the general public simply because people with hearts could not bring themselves to eat animals which has been long accepted to be pets.

and dogs are well known for their loyalty towards their masters and their intelligence. is it logical to just murder these animals and eat them when there are so much other food which we can consume.

and of all the people, it is a vet who gave such a suggestion. a person who is supposed to save and treat these animals. what is happening to the world? why are we loosing our civilisation?

today, a vet suggest that we eat dogs..if this sickening idea is carried out, in time to come, i wouldn't be surprised if we are told to eat humans. humans are so often worse than animals. 'do not call a person animal brain, you are insulting the animals (Paul, R 2010).

Lasting memories

2010-03-15T05:39:00.000-07:00

This is specially dedicated to the 3 most wonderful roommates i can ever ask for, Ira, Asma and Dira. Miss you so very, very much.

Kenangan kite kat matrik still segar lagi dalam ingatan Piyah.

kiter slalu duduk belakang asrama untuk tengok sunset. Best kan mase tu.

Piyah ingat gak, korang 3 slalu pulun study giler2, tapi kerje Piyah kat matrik, tidur je. Pagi kat lecture pun tidur, tengah hari pun tidur, malam confirm la tidur..hahaha

time bilik kite kene kacau pontianak pun best gak. Kiter tak tidur malam kan mase tu. Piyah ingat lagi 'lagu 'yang die raung luar bilik kiter dulu.

And our fotografi session, time gambar2 ni diambil. mase tu kiter ade exam. tapi sebab kiter berempat da cukup tension, kiter tinggal je buku2 kiter untuk pergi bergambar sekitar kolej.

Tak mungkin Piyah lupe mase2 yg kiter buat bacaan Yassin bersame. Kiter slalu je bace Quran together. kalo malam je, mesti kiter bace Quran together.

Kalo nak tulis semua, memang banyak lagi...

Mase Piyah sakit kat matrik, korang bertiga yg slalu jage dan tengokkan Piyah. Bile Piyah sedih, korang gak yg ceriakan Piyah. Bile piyah down ngan studies, korang terus bagi sokongan untuk Piyah bangun balik dan tetap berusaha. Bile Piyah happy, korang same2 join Piyah dalam kegembiraan Piyah. err..bile Piyah ade crush kat guys, korang gak yg tolong spy dulu kan...hahaha

Walaupun dah hampir 2 tahun kiter berpisah, tak mungkin Piyah lupakan korang. Terima kasih atas segala kenangan indah kiter bersame dan terima kasih kerana terima Piyah seadanya..

love you very much...

a teacher's glory

2010-03-15T05:15:00.000-07:00

a tribute to all teachers in the world..and also to the teachers who are in the making.

a teacher is not a person who earns glory through earning millions and billions of ringgit.

a teacher is rich not by cash, but by knowledge.

a teacher's glory is reflected not through her/his achievements but through the success of those who are thought (the students0

a teacher is someone who brings changes to the lives of those who are taught by them through all the knowledge shared.

a teacher changes thousands of lives. it is a teacher who can improve the living conditions of poor students. it is teachers who mould students into better people.

a teacher's profession is indeed noble.

so why in the world would i regret my decision? i'm not interested in jobs that gives me thousands of ringgit and make me stuck-up.

i rather be a teacher who touches hearts and changes lives; just like how my own teachers have touched my heart and made me who i am today.

WHEN EDUCATION FAILS

2010-03-14T22:43:00.000-07:00

Education provides one with knowledge that is often useful in earning a better life. Education in Malaysia serves another purpose: to promote unity and harmony among its people. To fulfil this aim, national schools are built where students of different races learn and socialise among one another. Through this socialization in schools, racial integrity is promoted. Education also provides people with proper conduct in life. Children are thought to be respectful towards others. Simplicity and humbleness are often values which are highly looked upon in the Malaysian context of living. A Malay saying, ‘Ikutlah resmi padi, makin berisi, makin tunduk’, teaches us to become more humble as we grow wiser or even wealthier.

So, what happens when education fails to instil these values in people? What we’ll then get are hard-headed stuck-ups who show little or no respect to others. In my life I’ve sadly met quite a number of people like this. Not only are they racist, they even show disrespect to the elders in their own families. The worst part is these people are not those who have only little education. They are professionals who hold degrees in highly looked upon careers. What use is their education if they only end up as people who forget their roots?

I have met people who think so highly of themselves and their careers that they feel only their careers deserve recognition and that their careers are the best of all professions. These people look upon ‘lower’ careers such as teachers, economist, tailors, etc with nothing but deep contempt. They fail to realise that all of them started form teachers. They are oblivious to the fact that the nation’s stable economy depends greatly on the economist in the country. And obviously, they do not acknowledge that the clothes they wear are from tailors. I doubt doctors or lawyers or even engineers would be able to sew a garment which is perfect to be worn. Even I don’t have the skill to do that and i know many who read this blog are just like me.

These people tell me that ‘people who opt to do careers which do not result in an income of thousands of ringgit are stupid’. I think the greatest idiots on earth are the people ruled by such thoughts. Their ego has been so inflated that they fail to realise money is not all that important. It is essential in providing a comfortable life. However, excessive wealth is dangerous. Money, after all, is the root of all evil. What’s the use of having thousands of ringgit if you have to slog like mad and end up not even enjoying the hard-earned luxury? What’s the use of thousands of ringgit if you are going to be so busy working so much so you miss the joys of raising up your own children? What’s the use of all that money if it makes you so arrogant that you no longer know how to treat others with respect? Most importantly, what’s the use of all that excessive luxury when in the end of the day, only a white sheet of ‘kain kapan’ accompanies you to the grave? And has all those wealth brought you happiness? Are you free from worries and problems?

This is what happens when education fails to correct the third-class mentality of some people. While there are many educated people who are successful yet still humble and respectful in manner, those few who are of the opposite nature continue to be a real pain for everyone who have to bear their existence. May they regain their senses and realise that once upon a time, they too were poor, and that their lives depend highly on all other people who are not only teachers and tailors, but also farmers, hawkers and fishermen.

Frinedship

2010-03-13T20:36:00.000-08:00

These are the pictures of the few selected friends whom existence have dearly touched and changed my life. While i am down, i often turn to these people for support and encouragement; and i always end up feeling better after talking to them. some friends are old friends like Kavitha (since babies) and Shu Hui (since std 1). then comes the friends from high school like Cheng Im, Panivu, Sharon and Sharlene. not to forget, Ira and Wani who made my matrics life the best ever experience in my life. it is true that some friendships last longer than others and some people leave permanent marks in your life. sometimes it takes years to create wonderful memories, but sometimes, just a few months or even a few days is enough. once you know you have found that special friend, you must thank your fortune for it. i have been most fortunate to encounter all these people as life would be horrid without you guys, sorry, you gals around. love you gals!

sex education

2010-03-13T19:55:00.000-08:00

the inclusion of sex education in schools is now a hotly debated topic. some feel that it it a necessary move to curb the growing social ills in the country. others feel that it is ridiculous to teach children about sex. questions are raised about who are the best people to educate and in which subject should it be included?

having recently done an assignment on 'free-sex among teenagers' i think it necessary for our youths to be well equipped with sex education. through my research and various reading, it is appalling to find that even adults are unaware of how pregnancy takes place. neither are they aware of the many sex-related diseases such as std, aids, etc. if even the adults are unaware, what about the children?

it was also found that many parents are still shy to discuss this topic openly with their children. they prefer children to learn about 'the birds and the bees' from friends and reading materials. anyway, how can we monitor that children are learning the right things if they learn from friends and reading materials? the internert for one is a dangerous place for children to learn about sex. just type out the word in the search bar and they would end up with thousands of porn sites which is inclusive of pictures of lewd acts and sex videos. this will indeed teah youth about sex but it will also encourage them to be involved with free-sex. these sites wil not teach them the dangers of unprotected sex or the negative consequences it brings.

thus, i strongly believe that children should be given appropriate education about sex. they should know what it really is and what happens after an intercourse. they should be informed about all sex-related diseases. religious education should also take place alongside sex education. with strong religious grounds the youths will be protected from the growing social ills in this country.

now, who and how is sex education going to take place? it will be quite hard and awkward for parents to discuss this issue with their children. not all parents are open enough to share about sex with their children. to ensure that all chidren are given the necessary information, the education should be given in shcools. i vividly remember that my school used to invite people to give talks on sex. this way, even the teachers don'y have to embarass themselves. it took only a few sessions which consisted an hour or two each for us to be exposed to 'the birds and the bees'. not only were we told about what sex really meant, we were also provided with details regarding the hormonal changes taking place in our bodies and how to deal with them. then, we were shown scary pictures of sex-related diseases. pictures indeed paint a thousand words as it was these pictures which affected us the most. seeing all the sufferings of the victims, surely, a child with enough senses wouldn't want to take the risk.

a child will surely grow more curious about sex as they reach puberty. before they find their own measures to satisfy their curiosity, proper measures must be taken to protect them from bringing harm to themselves, their families and the nation.

'the best profession'

2010-03-13T05:00:00.000-08:00

Ask a child what she/he wants to be when she/he grows up and the general answer will be a doctor, lawyer or engineer. Most likely, the child deosn't even know what the profession really means.

Anyway, i believe a young 21 year old adult like me have lived long enough to know what i have got myself into. after being in the tesl course for 2 years, i still have no regrets. however, some people don't seem to get it to their heads that this is exactly what i want to do with my life.

some still claim that 'the best profession' for me is to be a doctor or engineer. and that with 8 a's i should be doing a better course than tesl. they would go, 'what a waste..all those A's goes into nothing.

my arguments are:
1. i got all those a's to get what i want in life. not what other people want for me. i worked hard to fulfil my own dreams. not anyone else.'s
2. these people are not my parents. my parents are more than happy with my choice. so, who the heck are they, to force me to become a doctor or any other job that drives me insane?
3. every career and profession starts from a teacher. every individual have obtained a certain form of education, formal or informal. the point is, it starts from a teacher. so, why shouldn't i be a teacher?
4. i'm not interested in money. 'if you're a doctor in the private sector, you can earn up to 20-30k'. this is what i think 'as a mortal, that 20-30k will all be left behind when we get into our graves and face the Almighty'.
5. i really hate to do science., contrarily, i love to do language. why should i suffer with science when i am perfectly happy doing language?

so, i was asked 'you think what? study in England very great ah?'
no, it's not great, but since i'm precisely doing English, where else should i be studying? in a foreign university which ranks 52 in the world or a local university which ranks a few hundred something in the world? with all due respect to the local varsities, it is a blessing to be able to learn english in Warwick. local varisties are still good, but if i can get better, why not go for it? after all, i will be back to serve the locals. i am not just wasting my knowledge, i will share whatever i get with my future students so that they shall benefit from it.

this is MY verdict: i am going to do all it takes to fulfil my dreams. say whatever you want, even though you are my family, it leaves little impact on me. keep wasting your time with all your insults. the more you talk, the more foolish you seem to me. not to mention, i think you a highly proud and ungrateful person, a person who only sees your own profession as 'the best profession' and look down on other professions. the world will be a better place if there are less people like you around.

The Rather Spoilt Me

2010-03-09T04:47:00.000-08:00

I just realised how very lucky i am. Yes, i have always been grateful and thankful for all that i have but still, doing SBE at home is a bit different. i have my mother doing almost everything for me.
She..
1. Irons my clothes
2. Prepares all the meals
3. Prepares my water bottle in the morning
4. Makes milo for me in the morning
5. Baked a cake for me immediately after i mentioned my craving
6. Washes all my clothes
7. Prepares meals every day based on my requests
8. Takes me out shopping (and usually pays for it)
9. And does all the other housework

These are the things which i would normally need to do on my own. Contrarily, at home, i have it done for me. How lucky =)

me and my words

2010-03-08T03:46:00.000-08:00

Yeah, my words do sting. i know. My words are my greatest weakness as i don't seem to have the ability to filter it thoroughly before it gets out. But my words are also my greatest strength as it is through these words that i get myself heard and understood.

No matter how bad my posts may seem, i speak only the truth. If i don't get hurt, i will not hurt others intentionally (i may accidentally do it by mistake- i'm human too). this is the thing with me, you get at me, i occasionally get at you back, if i thing you deserve it. but if you change, i will treat you with respect, and accept the new you. likewise, if you change from good to bad, i have to keep my distance from you. it's not nice to get hurt...

so, the point is I AM OUTSPOKEN.

Life is to be lived, not regretted

2010-03-06T20:17:00.000-08:00

Now that the STPM results are out and the SPM results will soon be out too, many school leavers will be thinking about their next step-choosing the best career. While people often have good advices to share, the fact remains that at the end of the day, it is you who’s going to live through it. So, my advice is follow your heart and fulfil your own dreams.

I write this base on my personal experience. I was formerly a Pure Science student who pursued studies in Biological Science after SPM. I had certain doubts about furthering in the Science field as my true passion was language. While I was ready to apply for the TeSL programme, i faced certain drawbacks and did not even apply. There were people telling me that i was wasting my future and that students with good grades should be doing ‘better’ courses. Since i was still ruled by the stereotype ideology that Science courses are better than Art courses, i still entered and completed my foundation in Biological Science.

However, within two months in the course, i realised my mistake and became certain of my true interest. Now a trainee teacher in the TeSL Programme, i have no regrets about my decision. This is the thing about passion, you get satisfaction from the learning itself where every day unfolds new knowledge and experience. As a language student, i get the opportunity to be involved in the staging of a Shakespearian drama and it was an unforgettable event. I enjoy literature and find that i view things differently now. Literature and Social Studies have thought me to think more critically and be less judgemental of others. I learn how to respect the thoughts and cultures of people in various societies. Through this programme I learn about life and i truly enjoy it.

When you do something you enjoy, you will find that you are ready to face any challenges and obstacles that come your way. With this positive attitude, you will find that you are able to perform better in your field, and most importantly, you enjoy it. People around you will always have their own views about what is best. Respect their views, but don’t let others decide for you. It is your life, you decide it. Remember, life is to be lived, not regretted.

why i did not do my work

2010-02-20T01:08:00.000-08:00

for me, home means rest. it means enjoy to the fullest, and when you get tired of enjoying, you go to sleep. i seldom come home so when i do come home, i expect to redeem all the lost rest and enjoy. in college i do work really hard. spend hours after hours in the library for all my research. then in the hostel, i am usually busy wit all the assignments and other things which requires my attention. there are indeed many nights where i don't get enough sleep.

so, when i come home i've gotta rest. that is why all my work is not done this time. how am i supposed to sit and write my assignment when the tv is so tempting? back in college i don't even know what a tv looks like. and how am i supposed to type out my work when this is my only chance to get updated with friends via facebook and ym? in college, i can hardly go online.

and how am i supposed to do my work when i have to go out and meet relatives and friends? i am a person who value friendship. and one way to keep the bond strong is to meet during holidays. after all, we have all gone our different ways to follow our destiny. furthermore, i have not gone to jj or parkson or even giant for more than a month. so i deserve a bit of a treat right?

so, with all these distractions and necesssities, how in the world am i supposed to do my work? thus, all my work is till this moment - not done. some are not even started yet. God help me.

2009-11-19T07:49:00.000-08:00

holidays will be satrting in just afew hours.

i have no idea what these holis has in store for me

but one sure thing, i really need to study and revise!!!

i will miss brownie dearly, and i know she will miss me too...

and still i have not finish packing my stuff..

i'm always doing last minute packing..

well, most stuff are already packed, just that i still have so much more to do

i always dread holidays because for me, there will always be a mountain of unsettled work. and i have to settle it all first before the hols start. sometimes, no, all the time, this stresses me out.

sedarlah oh wanita

2009-11-17T23:21:00.000-08:00

Dirimu amatlah berharga...
Pertahankan maruah...
Tinggalkan lembah hina...
Kembalilah pada Allah..
Carilah keredhaanNya..
Masih ada kesempatan masa..
Sebelum kau menemuiNya...

Aurat merupakan antara perkara utama yang perlu dijaga oleh seorang wanita Islam.
Dalam sebuah hadis, Nabi S.A.W bersabda yang bermaksud: "Terdapat 99 bahagian tarikan pada wanita berbanding lelaki, lalu Allah kurniakan ke atas mereka sifat malu." (Hadis riwayat Baihaqi)

Hadis ini menunjukkan betapa besarnya tarikan wanita terhadap seorang lelaki. Sesungguhnya makanan yang sentiasa tertutup itulah yang akan menjadi rebutan berbanding dengan makanan yang terdedah dan tidak tertutup. Makanan yang terhindar dari pencemaran jugalah yang akan memberikan kekuatan pada tubuh manusia.

Ingatlah wahai wanita, lelaki yang jahat itu sentiasa melirikkan matanya di setiap inci bahagian tubuhmu yang terdedah. Nafsunya sentiasa mencari jalan untuk melihat wajah, serta lenggok dan bentuk tubuhmu yang menawan. Sesungguhnya tubuhmu itu adalah hak bagi suami mu sahaja.

Ingatlah wahai wanita, sesungguhnya kejahatan yang engkau lakukan pasti akan menarik 4 golongan lelaki yang lain bersama ke dalam neraka. Iaitu ayahmu,suamimu,anak lelakimu serta adik-beradik lelakimu. Sedangkan kejahatan lelaki itu tidak akan menarik seorang wanita pun bersama mereka ke neraka.

Ingatlah wahai wanita, kepanasanmu bertudung, longgarnya pakainmu, panjangnya lengan bajumu, panjangnya sarung kakimu, sopannya tingkah lakumu serta ketabahanmu menjaga syariat Islam itu ganjarannya syurga di akhirat kelak.

Kebaikan itu adalah elok budi pekerti. Dan dosa itu ialah apa yang tergetar dalam diri engkau dan engkau benci bahawa dilihat oleh manusia kepadanya (Riwayat Muslim)

Ibn Umar ada berkata, "Kebaikan itu mudah, muka yang berseri-seri dan perkataan yang lemah lembut."

Abu Darda' pernah menyebut, "Kebaikan itu dalam ketenteraman, dan kejahatan itu dalam keraguan"

Pemuda tiang negara, pemudi harapan bangsa. Adakah seorang wanita itu menjadi harapan kepada bangsa sekiranya auratnya tidak dijaga dengan sempurna, perilaku akhlaqnya memualkan sesiapa yang melihatnya? Wanita yang tidak memelihara agama itukah yang bakal melahirkan generasi-generasi akan datang yang akan menyambung mata rantai perjuangan Rasulullah saw?

Sesungguhnya al-Quran dan Sunah Rasul telah menunjukkan jalan untukmu wahai wanita. Segalanya terpulang kepadamu untuk memilih jalan Maryam, ibu kepada Nabi Isa as, ataupun jalan Ummu Jamil, isteri kepada Abu Lahab.

Namun sekiranya syurga itu impianmu, maka ketahuilah jalan ke syurga itu penuh dengan pelbagai kesusahan yakni engkau perlu mengawal kehendak nafsumu yang menggoda. Sekiranya, neraka itu cita-cita mu, maka ketahuilah sesungguhnya jalan ke neraka itu dihiasi dengan keseronokan-keseronokan yang bersifat sementara dan tidak kekal abadi.

Wallahu a’lam.

2009-11-17T23:07:00.000-08:00

"Ya Allah..jika dia mmg untukku,Engkau dekatkanlah hatiku dgn hati dia.dan kalau mmg dia bukan untuk aku,Engkau jauhkanlah dia dari ingatanku.Kau luputkanlah prasaan aku pada dia"

5 sebab bercouple haram di sisi Islam

2009-11-17T23:05:00.000-08:00

5 SEBAB BER 'COUPLE' HARAM
( Diambil dari kitab al-Halal wal Haram Fil Islam, Dr. Yusuf Al-Qardhawi)Pada asasnya, hukum bercinta-kasih, berpasangan( couple) atau seumpamanya adalah harus. Akan tetapi terdapat beberapa perkara/tindakan yang boleh menyebabkannya menjadi HARAM.

Antaranya :PERTAMA: TIDAK MEMPUNYAI NIAT YANG BAIK ATAU SEBALIKNYASesebuah perhubungan ˜istimewa" antara seorang lelaki dan wanita seharusnya didasari dengan niat yang baik seperti bertujuan untuk berkahwin. Justeru sebarang perhubungan yang tidak bertujuan seperti tersebut adalah tidak harus seperti bercouple untuk berhibur, bersuka-suka dan sebagainya.

KEDUA: TIDAK MEMATUHI (MELAMPAUI) SYARIAT AGAMALumrah bercouple seakan tidak dapat lari dari aktiviti seperti ber"dating", ber"shoping" dan sebagainya hatta ada yang sampai ke peringkat "membonceng". Tidak kurang juga (tanpa segan silu) menggunakan istilah-istilah yang kononnya menunjukkan sikap "caring" seperti memanggil darling kepada pasangannya. Paling tidak, pasti di dalam pertemuan(dating) akan berlaku pandangan mata yang tidak harus, perbicaraan yang tidak wajar dan seumpamanya. Semua perlakuan ini adalah bercanggah dengan ajaran Islam yang mengharamkan perhubungan bebas di antara lelaki dan perempuan. Yang paling penting, apabila Syariat Islam mengharamkan sesuatu perkara/perbuatan, maka wasilah atau tindakan yang menuju kepada perkara yang diharamkan tersebut juga turut diharamkan. Kaedah Fiqh ada menyebutkan : sesuatu yang membawa kepada yang haram, maka ia juga menjadi haram. Justeru berdasarkan kaedah ini, maka bercouple yang membawa kepada perlanggaran hukum syariat juga adalahharam.

KETIGA: MENJATUHKAN MARUAH (PERIBADI) SEORANG WANITAApabila pasangan yang bercouple berdating, maka peribadi seorang wanita muslimah akan dipersoalkan. Khalayak tidak akan berbicara tentang si lelaki yang bercouple tersebut, tetapi si perempuan. Masyarakat akan bertanya bagaimana begitu mudah si perempuan tersebut membiarkan dirinya diusung(maaf jika agak keterlaluan) ke sana-sini atau setidak-tidaknya umum akan menganggap bahawa perempuan tersebut telah dimiliki. Kesan buruk yang mungkin dihadapi ialah apabila berlaku perpisahan antara pasangan tersebut. Masyarakat akan mula membuat pelbagai tanggapan negatif terhadap si perempuan tersebut. Prasangka-prasangka negatif akan direka dan dihebahkan. Akhirnya berlakulah tohmahan-tohmohan yang menjatuhkan maruah dan kehormatan seorang wanita. Ingatlah bahawa Islam amat memprihatinkan penjagaan maruah seorang wanita. Di atas dasar itulah adanya hukum Qazaf dan kerana tujuan tersebut jugalah Islam mengharamkan perhubungan yang di luar batasan. Sebabnya adalah kerana Islammemelihara kehormatan seorang wanita.

KEEMPAT: MEMBAZIRKAN WANG KEPADA PERKARA YANG TIDAK WAJARDi dalam budaya bercouple, biasanya pasangan lelaki akan banyak menghabis duit pinjaman PTPTN, JPA, yayasan negeri (bagi mahasiswa IPT) atau duit pemberian ibubapa untuk memenuhi kehendak pasangan wanitanya. Ajak saja dinner, lunch, breakfeast atau bershoping pasti si lelaki yang perlu mengeluarkan duit poketnya. Terdapat juga keadaan di mana si perempuan yang berbelanja si lelaki. Itu belum dikira dengan pembeliaan kad top-up handset yang out of control. Hanya kerana call untuk tanya khabar, dah makan ke belum, ada yang sanggup mentop up handset mereka beberapa kali dalam seminggu. Cuba bayangkan jumlah wang perlu dibazirkan hanya untuk perkara yang sangat remeh dan tidak perlu. Paling menyedihkan, wang tersebut adalah pemberian keluarga yang seharusnya digunakan bagi tujuan pengajian. Begitu juga wang pinjaman PTPTN, ia adalah hutang yang perlu dibayar selepas tamat pengajian. Justeru, penggunaan kedua-dua jenis wang ini kepada perkara yang tidak wajar adalah tidakharus dan ditegah oleh syarak. Perbuatan membazir dan menyalahgunakan harta juga adalah amalan syaitan.(Rujuk Al-Israa ayat 27)

KELIMA: MEMBUANG MASA KEPADA PERKARA YANG TIDAK SEWAJARNYASeperkara yang wajar diprihatinkan di sini ialah penggunaan waktu kepada perkara yang tidak bermanfaat. Lebih malang lagi, masa yang amat terhad sebagai seorang mahasiswa telah diisi dengan perbuatan-perbuatan yang ditegah oleh Allah. Bukankah berdating, berbual telefon secara marathon dan lain-lain aktiviti rutin bercouple merupakan perbuatan yang menyimpang dari anjuran agama. Justeru setiap saat dan minit yang digunakan bagi tujuan tersebut akan dipersoal dan diperbicarakan di hadapan Allah.

Perlu diingat bahawa Islam bukan mengharamkan secara total perkara yang dinyatakan di atas. Islam tidak menghalang perbuatan tersebut, tetapi meletakkan beberapa prasyarat yang perlu dipenuhi. Sekiranya kita gagal mengikut syarat-syarat tersebut, maka status perbuatan tersebut menjadi HARAM serta menjauhkan diri pelaku daripada kasih sayang dan cinta Allah.

serious attitude problems

2009-11-17T06:00:00.000-08:00

i'm not directing this post to any specific person. whatever i write here applies to everyone i know, including me.

Wonderful, brilliant and matured future teachers like us always take things for granted. Let me list some of them..

1. WE FIND A LOT OF JOY IN MAKING FUN OF OTHERS AND EMBARASSING THEM - well who cares, they are our friends, surely they have no feelings right? and for people we don't like, obviously the word 'care' does not apply at all

2. IT'S WONDERFUL TO USE SARCASM AND RUDENESS DURING DISCUSSIONS WHENEVER SOMEONE DOES NOT AGREE WITH US- just, sometimes, those who have different oppinions, even if they are the minority or theonly one who says so, they are RIGHT.

3. WHEN WE HAVE SOMETHING SCHEDULED AT A CERTAIN TIME, WE MUST BE LATE. IT CAN BE ANYTHING AT ALL, DEBATE, PLAY PRACTISE, THE PLAY ITSELF, TESL NIGHT, CLASS..ETC- it's not that we are late, everybody else is simply early..right? who ask them to come early? serve them right..now must wait for my grand entrance...even during tesl night, The Pengarah was there earlier than most of us.. that's how great we are...

4. IT IS ALWAYS WONDERFUL WHEN OTHERS DO THE DIRTY JOB FOR US- we are people who will never voice our opinions. why should we? there are others who will do it right..we should just be quite and watch the job get done for us. if they get into trouble for voicing our concerns..at least we are still save..

5. WE ARE ALWAYS RIGHT, AND AS PRINCES AND PRINCESSES OF THE WORLD, THINGS MUST ALWAYS GO OUR WAY. NO SACRIFICES FROM OUR PART - how wonderful life is when the world revolves around us. we really don't have to care what others say about us, who cares about their advices. we are not gonna change ok..after all, we are brought up to get our every wish fulfilled. why should we make sacrifices?

6. IT IS THE WORLD'S GREATEST PLEASURE TO SPEAK BAD ABOUT OTHERS- it would definitely be more wonderful if others speak bad about us right? wow, that would definitely put us on cloud nine.

7. WE DON'T NEED TO DO ANYTHING MUCH WHEN STUDIES AND WORK IS CONCERNED. WHO CARES WHAT THE LECTURERS HAVE TO SAY? HARDWORK IS NOT IN OUR VOCAB.-it's just nicer to watch others work hard and carry out the discussions and do all the thinking, and the researches.. we will just swallow whatever they say. why bother thinking for ourselves, or going to the library to search materials? we are the record-holders of 'the active-passengers' tittle, remember?

8. WHEN WE ARE UPSET ABOUT SOMETHING, WE MUST DO SOMETHING OR SAY SOMETHING THAT WILL HURT THE PERSON BACK- yes, Allah grants 'pahala' to people who balas dendam like this. Marah tu perangai syaitan, kiter sebagai manusia nak jugak ikut..bagusla macam tu..

honestly, there are a lot of errors in our conduct of life. i am no stranger to all this disgusting attitude either. i may not do all of them, but i'm guilty for some. At least, i realise it and i am working on improvising myself. Everything we do and say has its consequences. if we dont get our payback in this world, we will get what we deserve in the afterworld. It's not too late to change.. The Almighty is always watching us..one wrong action, one hurt person, one mis-conduct, no matter how small..Allah knows.

My Happy Days

2009-08-28T22:20:00.001-07:00

These were my roommates...
The best i've ever had.
When one of us was down or upset or needed something...the other three will come together to lend a helping hand.
If it only Allah can help, then all 4 of us will read yasin of perform the 'Hajat' prayers.

not forgetting..our evenings watching sunset..

ha, Wani and Faiqa..the closest ones in Tb34

always hated lab, lectures and tutorial (that's everything) but you two made it bearable...and even more..memorable

Ha, geng 'kaya vs tempe'

we rocked the stage !!!

and the witch was beyond cool,rite...

kah,kah,kah!!!

More than a year has passed, but the memories will always last...

'Sejenak bersama, diabadikan selamanya'

i'm sorry and i will always love you

2009-07-21T23:54:00.000-07:00

This post is specially dedicated to the most adorable creatures on earth- CATS. To all the cats in the world i humbly apologise for my previous post which may have offended you. The post about a mouse's life is not meant to insult cats but merely to entertaint my readers (if i have any).

Dear cats,
Please be well assured that no other animal can ever take your place in my heart. if you feel upset with my post, i am very sorry. Please believe me when i say that CATS ARE THE BEST!!!CATS RULE!! there is no other animal which is cuter than cats. for me, i will always love cats and cats will always love me.

lastly, to all the kitties..I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU VERY,VERY,VERY MUCH. MEOWWWW...

My Life as a Mouse

2009-07-11T05:50:00.000-07:00

Ok, ok, look right. Look left. Right again. Ok, road clear. Cross.
“MEOW!!!”
Dammit!! The damn furball is back again. Where the heck is the stupid cat hiding this time? So, you wanna play hide and seek, eh? Fine. I can’t see you, but I can smell your stink. Hmm…where does the smell come from, the one that is a mixture of the stink of rotten tuna and a cat’s bad breath?
Uh-oh! He’s there, right behind me.
Good gracious!!! This cat surely haven’t heard about catsterine. Just the stink of his smelly mouth would kill me. Hell, no. Not gonna allow that. I shall live to die another day. Now, time to escape-James Bond style. Nah, I changed my mind. It’ll be more fun to irritate it first.
What, you’re worried? Hey, what’s life without some adventure, eh?
Oh, Fluffy…Come here…come, come. Come catch me. I’m right in front of you.
“Meow…”
Spank.
Ouch!!
Wachaa!!! Haiyah!!!
Oh, dear. My taekwando skills seems to leave no effect on Fluffy. I thought martial arts is all about the technique and skills, not the physical strength. Oh, I know the problem. I need a strategy.
Here comes my attacks.
Front kick, side kick and a back trust. Next, the hand attacks, Knife hand! Oh, he’s going to strike me. Hand block. Once more. Time to kick, Haiyah! Finally, the strongest, a twist of the arm, a side step to change position, and wham! I throw him to the floor. He’s flat on his back.
Eh, why do I seem to be in air? I can’t fly, can I? Who cares anyway. He’s down, and I’m up. that’s good news. I’ve made him lie helpless on his back-in my imagination.
None of my attacks worked.
I am indeed up while he’s down, but that’s not good news. I am up in his grip. His fury grip.
“Meoooooooooowwwww!”
I’m in trouble. The time has come for me to give my death speech.
I, Micey, hereby leave all my possessions to the hamsters owned by the giant humans. I’ve always appreciated the friendship offered by the hamsters. It means a lot to me. The both of you were the only ones to treat me well. Though I have nothing but deep loathing towards your human owners, I hold no hard feelings against you.
The humans are horrible and selfish. I only need a few bites of their cheese or bread. What difference does these few bites make? They should learn to treat their inferiors with more respect and sympathy. They shouldn’t be picking fights with a creature as cute and adorable as me. I’m so much smaller than them. And the horrible lady. What a scary-cat she is. Nothing surprising there seeing that she owns a cat. Why does she need to scream on top of her lungs each time she sees me? I am just a mice, not a ghost. Not yet at least.
“Meeeeeeow!”
Cats must be really dumb creatures. The only word in their active vocabulary is ‘meow’. I’ve never heard any cats muttering anything else. And it is beyond my imagination why humans adore them so much. Well, I won’t be alive to find out. The moment has come for me to bid farewell to this world. I will no longer taste the delicious cheese which I am so fond of. I will never have the chance to really tell the hamsters how much they really mean to me. I will never get to run around this house and I will never see my lovely home again.
Dump!
Oooouch! The cat just threw me to the floor.
Smack!
Oh, my head hurts.
Oh, dear. This is sure to finish me off. Fluffy is going to bite me. No,no, I can’t watch this.
He grabs me again and I am being brought closer and closer to his mouth. The stink of his breath is getting stronger now. I can see his yellowish teeth more clear than ever, and it seems so big- and sharp. I feel like the size of his teeth has been magnified ten times. Now half my head is in his mouth. Is he going to munch me? God, this is scary!!
“GRRRRR….WOOF!!!”
I get chucked to the floor. It hurts, but who cares? At least I get to live to tell the tale. Buddy, you’re the greatest dog on earth. Your timing could not have been more perfect. I shall be forever grateful.
Without a moment’s hesitation, I dash to my house. And though the dog is to growling, Fluffy chases after me. I manage to get into my house, he only manages to get his fat nose stuck in my tiny whole. Kahkahkah!! Serve you right, Fluffy.
That was seriously close. However, I will have to risk my life again to steal some food for survival. I have no choice. This is my life as a mouse.

When Time Stops

2009-07-09T02:25:00.000-07:00

Today i woke up with a feeling of pride. It was just 6.30 and i'm already out of bed. That's great!! i wouldn't need to rush today. Seing that it was still early, i took my bath first. When i walked into the bathroom, the sky was still dark, however,when i stepped out, the sky was really bright. i went back to the room to find the clock on my table showing 6.50. Wow, it's already bright at 6.50? Suddenly, i heard an announcement being made. It was the announcement for today's speaker's corner session. Since when did the announcement start so early? It's usually done at 7.10. Well, i guess this is just an early day for everyone.
Then, my phone beeped. And i got a shock of my life!!! The time showed 7.10. I was not early, I was LATE!!! The clock on my table is 20 minutes slow!!! Oh, when did the clock stop ticking? Oh...i so have to rush!!!

Nasihat Buat KAum HAwa

2009-07-04T22:21:00.000-07:00

Hawa, andai engkau belum berkahwin, jangan kau risau akan jodohmu,ingatlah hawa, janji Tuhan kita, wanita yang baik adalah untuk lelaki yang baik,jangan gadaikan maruah kamu semata-mata kerana seorang lelaki, jangan memakai pakaian yang menampakkan susuk tubuhmu hanya untuk menarik perhatian dan memikat kaum lelaki, kerana kamu bukan memancing hatinya tetapi merangsang nafsunya. Oleh itu hawa,jagalah pandanganmu, jagalah pakaianmu,jagalah akhlakmu, kuatkan pendirianmu. Andai kata tiada cinta Adam untukmu, cukuplah hanya cinta ALLAh menyinari dan memenuhi jiwamu. Biarlah hanya cinta kedua-dua ibu bapamu yang memberi kehangatan kebahgiaan buat dirimu. Cukuplah sekadar cinta adik-beradik serta keluarga yang akan membahgiakanmu.

Time After Time

2009-06-12T06:39:00.000-07:00

What effect does time have on us?
When it goes too fast, it gives us pressure. But it’s this pressure that gets us working and keeps us on top of things. That’s one expect of time. Another question would be… how much does time change us?

We often hear the phrases ‘change in time’ and ‘let nature takes its course’. Both phrases are associated with the changes which takes place as time passes.

One change which occurs in time is the process of growing up. This is a never ending process. No matter how certain we are in claiming that we are ‘fully grown’, we are actually never fully grown. This is because in the process of growing we acquire knowledge, and learning is a lifetime process. No matter how long we live, there will always be things which is obscure to us and we can never be ‘right’ about things all the time. So, we are never fully grown. The term ‘fully grown’ may only be appropriate in the context of physical growth.

Anyway, what effect has time left on me? It has many effects but I shall only discuss one of it- time strengthens friendship.

I recently met up with 5 of my high school friends, one of which is a friend since standard one. The rest are all friends from high school. While we were in school, I never realised who would remain friends even after we leave high school. 3 years has passed since I left Convent but the bond of friendship with certain friends remains as strong as ever.

We hung out in Jusco, where we enjoyed the movie Hannah Montana as well as our lunch in the Black Canyon. A simple affair of few hours, but - an enjoyable one. It struck me that sometimes it’s not the place or the things you do which makes it enjoyable and memorable, but it is the company which makes it fun. Jusco is a place which I often go to. Most of the time, I find the place boring. Nothing much to do. The fact that I keep seeing the same things does not make the place any more exciting. But somehow, every outing there with my high school friends, is enjoyable.

It is always nice to catch up with each other, to bring all the old gossips back to life, to laugh over some of the things we used to do (like getting into trouble). Meeting up with old friends is always nice. I still remember the time when I met a friend form matrics in KLCC. We spent most of the time walking in circles instead of going into any shops. This happen because we had so much to talk about!! All the shops were just not nearly as interesting as what we had to say to each other.

All in all, true friendship last forever. Maybe today we do not realise who are our true friends. But time will show us the answer. True friendship does not die off as time passes, but it goes stronger. The distance between friends will not be a reason for the end of the friendship if the bond is strong. If a friend still sends sms to ask about you or calls you up after some time, that shows that the friend still cares. And meeting up with old friends will bring back all the memories of the good old days…

Safiya Who?

2009-06-08T08:31:00.001-07:00

Ok…safiya is supposed to mean soft, serene, sincere…
and…don’t know what else. But those words hardly describes me. ‘Soft’ is definitely not my synonym. I am more of ‘hard’ I think. Most of the time, I fight for my rights. Most of the time, I speak my mind. And when I do speak my mind, sometimes I hurt others. So how can a person who does all these be called soft?

Now to the second word, serene…this might have some truth in it…just a bit. Not much. Maybe the size of a molecule. Peaceful and calm…kahkahkahkah. I’m am anything but calm. I mean, I do get upset quite easily these days and at times it shows. Serene also means troubled by nothing, right? Well, I have a lot of troubles but I don’t let it bother me much. I just push aside my troubles and stay focused.. so ‘serene’ indeed describes me.

‘sincere’? definitely…yes! One thing I’m sure of, is my honesty and my sincerity. When I help out or give out anything, it is done with a sincere heart. I like to help people especially regarding studies. I find happiness in teaching. Any form of teaching. For me, I feel teaching others is a win-win situation. Those who are thought learns from me, and teaching them gives me the much needed experience for a future teacher.

So, does my name depict the true me? Maybe to a certain extend…What do you think?

The Battle of Heritage?

2009-06-08T08:12:00.000-07:00

In the short story ‘Everyday Use’ by Alice Walker, the issue of heritage is discussed. Conflict stirs around the quilts, a symbol of their heritage. Two sisters have different views on how to value the heritage.

The younger of the two, Maggie, plans to put the quilts to everyday use. Dee argues that this will cause them the lost of the heritage. Then, another form of heritage is introduced- the knowledge of making quilts. Maggie knows how to make quilts. Thus, putting the current quilts to everyday use, is not a waste at all.

However, Dee has a different view on the issue of heritage. She feels that the quilts should only be used as a decoration piece. She further argues that Maggie’s knowledge will not preserve the heritage as she will not be using the pieces of cloth from the older generation. Using the quilts will destroy these pieces as time takes place.

So, who is the antagonist of the story?
Can we really see Dee as the antagonist merely because she disagrees with her mother and sister?

From this short story, I’ve learnt two things.
1. Just because people have different views, it does not mean that they are bad or wrong. Every individual is unique. And every different thought is unique.
2. Knowledge is one thing that people can’t take away from you. Although Dee wants to take the quilts, she will not be able to take away her knowledge on making quilts.

This second realisation presents and irony. Dee is the educated one in the story, but, it is her iliterate sister who holds the knowledge to their heritage…

Monday With Thomas Hardy

2009-06-08T07:45:00.000-07:00

In the mist of the Monday blues, we discussed the famous poet, Thomas Hardy. During our first week back, we were told to search on the biographies of all the poets. But as most of us had not brought our laptops, we couldn’t do much discussion and had to depend only on the few who had the information with them.
We learnt that Thomas Hardy was actually an architect who wrote with the intention to earn more money. Hardy started writing poems at the age of 22, after moving to London. As he was unable to find public for his poems, he turned to fiction. His first novel, The Poor Man And The Lady, was written in 1867 but the book was rejected by many publishers. Out of frustration, Thomas Hardy destroyed the manuscript of the fiction.
His first book which was published is Far From the Madding Crowd in 1874. After the success of this book, Hardy devoted himself entirely to writing and produced a series of novels. His most famous book is The Mayor of Casterbridge which was published in 1886.
An important lesson which I learnt today is the acceptance of a written piece. Hardy’s poems and his first novel were rejected because he wrote on themes which were considered sensitive. He only started to gain recognition when he changed his theme to ‘love’ which was something common an acceptable. Here I learnt that when one writes works to be made public, that particular writer must consider the sensitivity of the theme as well as its acceptance in the community.

A Fallen Warrior

2009-06-08T07:38:00.001-07:00

I will never forget that day. It was the most horrible day of my life, but it was also the day I realised that I really had a true friend. It happened fifteen years ago, while I was still a student in high school. This is how it happened…
“Hey, James! What’s with you? You’ve been daydreaming the whole day. Come on tell me, which fine young lady stole your heart?” I pounced on him in a playful manner.
“Hey, man! Cut it out!” he replied.
“It’s your parents again isn’t it? Come on, James. You can’t let it get to you. You’ve got to focus on your studies. That’s your only hope,” I tried my best to console him.
James was an only child. For years, he has been living in negligence and lack of affection. His mother was never motherly towards him. His father was a drunken. James spends his time at home doing all the housework, from the cooking to all the washing and cleaning up. On top of that, he also works part time in a fast-food outlet during the weekends. He is forced to work because his father is an odd-job worker. Due to his drinking, he could hardly keep a job for more than a fortnight.
Things were going from bad to worse for James. He used to be one of the top students but now, due to all the work he was doing at home and during the weekends, his studies has been dropping. I wasn’t surprised because it was impossible for James to study. His time is really packed with hard work. By the time he finishes all the house work, he will be too tired to do any studying. I often helped him with his school work but that was not enough.
“Come on, let’s get home. If I’m late, Mom will be angry and she will punish me with more work. I really feel like a servant,” James said in an undertone.
“James, don’t say that. They are still your parents. Maybe things will be better for you and your family later on,” I tried to console him.
“They can’t be my real parents. I must be adopted. No mother will treat her own child the way my mother treats me. She is angry with me all the time. Everything I do is wrong for her. That’s nothing I do that pleases her. Nothing at all.”
“For heaven’s sake, James. We’ve had this conversation before. Your mother must be under a lot of pressure. Just think. Your dad does not have a permanent job. They are short of money. Your dad on the other hand must be drinking due to pressure. It’s not easy to be the head of the house, you know.”
We kept walking. In an attempt to cheer James up, I changed the conversation topic. After ten minutes or so, we reached our houses. Both James and I have been neighbours since we were in kindergarten. I still remember how James used to sit at the corner of the class with bruises all over his body. How sorry we used to feel for him during those times! Some people were just less fortunate than others. I was snapped out of recounting my old memories by the sound of two raised voices.
“Exactly what do you expect me to do? The money was with me one moment and then that good for nothing husband of mine goes and spends it,” we heard James’s mother shout.
“Maybe you just misplaced it. Try to look for it again. Maybe you overlooked some corners. Anyway, it’s not the money that’s important. We can always trick those dopes into paying us more money…addicts will do anything to get these drugs. Hahahaha…” a man answered.
Both James and I stopped in our tracks. This was not the voice of James’s father. I had never heard his voice before. The astounded look on James face told me that he too was unfamiliar with this man. Or maybe, the term ‘addicts’ and ‘drugs’ is the cause of his reaction. I never knew which was the reason as before I could say anything, James marched up to his house and slammed the door open.
“What’s happening here? Who are you? What are you doing in my house?” I heard James roaring in anger.
“Oh, look who’s back. I told you he’s a nuisance. Young man, this is not your house. It will never be your house. Get out of here,” his mother roared back.
I had a very bad feeling. I do not trust the man and I was worried about James’s safety. Thus I made my way into the house just in time to see a big-build, aggressive looking man, smacking James and throwing him to the floor. Without thinking, I plunged onto the man. My attack did cause him to fall but it caused no further injuries. In no time at all, the man was up again and this time, I was the one thrown to the floor.
“I have no time for games boys. Time to say goodbye,” the man told us.
“Mom, you can’t let him do this to us,” James pleaded with his mom.
I noticed that James’s head was bleeding severely and his nose seems to be broken. The man’s throw has caused me a sprained elbow and my head was really hurting. I turn to have a better look at the man. I panicked. He has a gun with him. And he was reaching for it.
“From the moment your father brought you into this house, you have been nothing but a nuisance. You are not even my own. It was all your father’s idea to create what he called ‘our perfect little family’. But I never wanted a child! Not my own, and definitely not other’s!” the words of James’s mother was piercing through me. Even I was upset, I could not imagine how James was feeling.
I did not have much time to wonder. The man was walking towards James. I put out my leg and made him tripped. Then, James’s mother, Mrs. Malfoy, threw a chair at me. I ducked it with only a moment to spare. I took a broken piece of wood from the floor and used it to smack the man’s head. Although I hit him with all my might, he was still conscious. However, I managed to kick the gun out of the man’s hand. This was a mistake. Instead of kicking it, I should have taken it from him. But I was in no state to use a gun, I was ruled by panic.
I dashed to help James up to his feet. Mrs. Malfoy went over to help the man up. Then, there was a bang. The man had tried to shoot one of us but he missed. Within a split second he aimed his second shot straight at my chest but I was saved. James had pushed me out of harm’s way. He took the bullet for me.
Although it has been fifteen years, I can still hear the sound of the gunshots. One after another. The neighbours had called the police. And the police arrived in time to catch both the man and Mrs. Malfoy. However, the paramedics failed to save James. Even before they arrived, James was already dead. I’m alive today because James saved me that day. All I can do to stop myself from crying is to imagine James, my fallen warrior, living a wonderful life in paradise.

Taj Mahal Speaks

2009-06-08T07:33:00.000-07:00

Slowly, an unpleasant and stressful atmosphere began to fill the air, as the construction of one of the wonders of the world began…
The Taj Mahal was built by the late Emperor Shah Jahan in the memory of his beloved queen, Mumtaz Mahal. He had appointed Ustad ‘Isa, a renowned Islamic architect, as the master architect.
The entire Taj is built of white marble. The choice of the colour white may be a symbol to portray the sincerity of his love towards his late wife. Furthermore, as the Taj will accommodate the chamber which places the grave of the late Queen Mumtaz, the use of white marbles is indeed appropriate. The use of too many colour will not create a peaceful atmosphere as colours makes a surrounding look more exciting.
The beauty of the Taj Mahal is simply breathtaking. As the construction took place, the land of Agra became the temporary home of a large number of construction workers. The total amount of workers to be involved in the construction is estimated to be twenty thousand. As the work began, workers and craftsmen from Baghdad, Shiraz and Bukhara started to arrive.
The workers had to work really hard and hardly had any rest. These workers were not only over-worked but also ill-treated. They were barely given enough food to eat. Their meals consists only of white rice mixed with yogurt called ‘tairu’ in Tamil. They spent the whole day working, without any form of entertainment. They were allowed to sleep for less than three hours daily. Due to lack of rest and nutrients, some of the workers worked rather clumsily, and every time they made a mistake, they will be scolded by their leaders. The land of Agra soon became the home of a lot of hardship and suffering. As I am Taj Mahal, I witnessed all of this. The land of Agra where I was being built became host of a lot of tears, not only the tears of the ill-treated workers, but also the tears of Emperor Shah Jahan who was inconsolable after the death of his wife.
The construction of the Taj was really a long process. I began to ponder if I will ever be completed. As it is, it was already nine years. Honestly, I was becoming an unwilling witness to all the suffering and hardship around me. As time passed, the workers became more exhausted. Some even fell ill. Those who still survived were really waiting to complete the Taj so that Emperor Shah Jahan will release them from all the hard work. However, the workers were still far from their release. They still had a lot more work to do.
The architectural concept used to design me was something uncommon. In fact, I doubt there’s anything like it at all. The main concept used in the designing is the Mughal architecture. The Mughal architecture is superbly used to create the interlocking arabesque concept. The interlocking concept integrates with the main structure where it uses the principles of self-replicating geometry as well as a symmetry of architectural elements. However, Emperor Shah Jahan did not seem very happy. Every time he looks at me, he will frown.
Finally, after twenty-two years of hard work, the construction of the Taj Mahal was completed. The construction cost 32 Million Rupees. Although I was disappointed that so much of the public’s money was used up to construct me, I could not deny the fact that I stood as the most elegantly built building in Agra, India. I was so beautiful that even the Emperor was finally satisfied. Finally, I saw a smile on Emperor Shah Jahan’s face, though, it was a sad smile. The Emperor’s satisfaction caused all the workers to applaud, not only in satisfaction of their work, but also for the release from it, something they have long awaited.
Today, I still stand as one of the most beautiful wonders of the world. No development and technology can ever compete against the delicate designing of the Moghul architecture. Nevertheless, I have to say that the world around me is undergoing a lot of changes. I have now become a tourist attraction. Daily, I become the object of awe for my audience.
Everyday, I have to face the lively surroundings around me. I have to put up with the drastic change the world around me is undergoing. However, I remain true to my duty. I was built in the memory of Queen Mumtaz Mahal, I host the chamber where both she and Emperor Shah Jahan rests, thus I shall maintain the peace and quite within this particular chamber. No matter what happens on the outside, I shall ensure that in the inside, you rest peacefully, my dear king and queen.

An Unforgettable Memory

2009-06-08T07:30:00.000-07:00

An Unforgettable Memory

It was the month of July, a month that we, the Perak contingent for KAKOM have been anticipating since the start of term. KAKOM stands for ‘Karnival Kokurikulum Kolej-kolej Matrikulasi’. This event is a national level event held yearly involving participation from nine Matriculation colleges and two MARA Boarding colleges. The events held are sports events such as basketball, badminton, bowling, netball and others. Public speaking, dance competition and marching competition are also held. This time, KAKOM will be held in Kolej Matrikulasi Kedah.
Selection of contingent members started immediately after registration of new students. Once selected, the participants trained hard. We really knocked ourselves out with all the practises. Then, the day for us to leave for Kedah arrived…
We arrived in Changlun, Kedah after a five hours journey. We had an exciting opening ceremony where all the contingents marched in full spirits. Then, the matches began. We had a good start when we won our first gold and bronze medal through bowling. Our badminton, basketball and netball teams also made it to the next round. The sports events were indeed exciting. Although we did not know our team members, we cheered and gave them full moral support when the events were going on. When our team won we sang our victory song. My event was due on the last day of KAKOM, so I spent my time practising and giving my other friends moral support.
Then, the day for the English Public Speaking arrived. It was the last day of KAKOM and Perak was rather left behind in the running for overall champion. Thus, the pressure on me and my partner was really great. The night before, the Director of my college had a face to face talk with me and my partner. This really boosted my spirits as very few people get this opportunity. The other lecturers were also giving us their last words of support. I woke up extra early to prepare myself. The moment I stepped into the cafeteria to have my breakfast, the whole contingent of Perak cheered. I was totally overwhelmed by the support I was getting. Despite my nervousness, the support showed by my friends returned the smile on my face.
In the quarantine room, I made friends with my competitors, all whom turned out to be very friendly and pleasant. To get over our nerves, we did the ‘Poco-poco’ dance together.
“Ladies and gentlemen, now I would like to invite Miss Safiya Yahaya, from Perak Matriculation College to present her speech”.
Upon hearing that, I stepped up onto the stage and presented my speech confidently. I did not hold any notes and maintained eye contact with the audience. Once done, I walked down and waited for the other contestants. Then, the moment everyone was waiting for…the results of the competition. A man in his late forties went up the stage to deliver the results. My achievement? Well, I’ll leave that a mystery but it’s enough for me to state that I made it to the top five.
KAKOM only lasted for a week but my memories there will last a lifetime. It is amazing how we put aside our differences just to bring victory to our college. Although the event has been over long ago, we still keep in touch and have a wonderful time retelling all our experience in Changlun. Truly an unforgettable memory.

best things in life are free

2009-06-07T08:08:00.000-07:00

have you ever felt deprived from the simplest privileges in life?say for example,the privilege of time and happiness?these things are basically free,but it's surpirising how sometimes the rich ones are the ones who are usually deprived from it.
Try reading the book 'the undomestic goddess' by Sophie Kinsella..its a story about one of the top-most lawyer in the country who is so busy that she just cant enjoy all the money she earns..not telling anymore,don;t want to spoil the fun...it was one of the best books i've read in my lufe..reminds me a bit about myself.
time and happiness...
i was being forced to do medic upon completing my spm...but i refused! mainly because of the time constraint. i have no plans of being a mother who neglects her children. as far as i can help it,i will not deprive my children from a mother's love. so to all the other sick people, sorry-i'm not interested in dedicating my life to cure you.
while i was in matrics for a year,i really did suffer as i did not enjoy the course.real torture!!so,instead of wasting my time suffering,i enjoyed myself by playing around.so i utilised my time for sleeping,eating,baby-sitting the cats and kittens,and socialising. studying and revising was done only as a past time.hehehe...however,this was the best time in my life.i have never felt so happy in my life. due to me being happy,my face used to be glowing wit happiness. this is why i keep telling people that my one year in matriks is not a waste. it was one year of happiness,something i used to be deprived of.