Wednesday, April 28, 2010


Tomoro we will be doing our passports.

There's only 18 days left to finals.

We have got the forms to fill in, and there's tonnes of it.

I am studying and preparing, but still i find myself in this dilemma.

I am scared of failing. Even though i know my hardwork all this while will pay off in some way, i am still scared.

But even more than that, i am scared of the future.

what will happen after this?

I am definitely happier now than i was a few weeks back. Maybe i'm becoming more confident as i cover more and more of the syllabus. maybe i'm just looking forward to a new life.

Still, in my heart, i havethis doubt and the instincts that something is going to happen. but what, i don't know.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

that's it. a break. that's wat i needed and got it too.

had a wonderful weekend at home. went shopping, watch many movies, ate good food and had a nice sleep.

but i really do miss my darling cat. it makes me feel so sad to see those tuna cans and know she'll never be back to eat at my home again. i still remember the last time she came, before she died. i was busy with my lappy and she came and sat next to me. then, the next thing i knew, she was siting comfortably on my lappy. she looked so cute, but i had to move her...

after some time, she left, as usual.

just this time i didn't know that it'll be the last time i see her and play with her.

i keep imagining her voice, i keep seeing her at the gate. i miss her.

but i believe it's really time for you to go. thank you for bringing cheer and joy to my home. we all love in peace k.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010


old malay proverb, 'ikut resmi padi, makin berisi, makin tunduk' teaches us to be humble, polite and respectful even if we are loaded with knowledge or wealth.

so i cant understand why for some people it is just so hard to be respectful.

this is not the first time i'm writing about this issue.

exactly why are you so stuck up and so very full of yourselves?

today, so many times we reminded you people to be quiet and respect the speakers, but still keeping quiet was an impossible mission for you. and for some people, i personally gave you signs and reminded you again and again to stop talking but shut up for a while and became noisy again later.

and your attitudes..gosh..some of you are indeed nice and sweet but some...!

mind you, you are new here, and many of you had not seen me or any other seniors giving you a piece of our minds. we don't hate you, not at all. but please be more respectful, not only towards lecturers and seniors but also towards your own friends. if someone is speaking/ talking, the civilised and respectable thing to do, is to be quiet and listen. you're all going to be teachers an when you talk in front of the class, you too will hate it if students are talking at the back.

'what goes around comes around'

think about it.

Monday, April 12, 2010

when dreams come true

i've patiently waited for so long, since form 2, never once did i doubt the power of Allah in providing me with the best, and then my dream came true. and one great shock it was for me as it came when i least expected it and when i was hit with various problems and bad news. but still, a dream come true..

i knew i have to wait some more and i did (still doing in fact), but why do i feel something has gone wrong? did i do something to screw up or complicate things?

is this another test for me?

You know i will keep waiting and will accept any decision You make for me, but this time i just want some hints. I promise, i will do my level best to accept it if things are not how i want them to be. I believe in You, very,very much but sometimes i do feel restless with my long and painful wait, could You please speed things up for me or at least let me find something to be happy about for now? or better still, could You pls fulfill my heart's desire? that one particular one which i have no control over??

Sunday, April 11, 2010

ok, discipline girl, discipline. no fb and blogging till essay is partly done.

i already had a fantastic weekend, now its time to work.

ok, a good girl. after work is done can continue chatting with old frens.


Saturday, April 3, 2010

k, my presentation is still way past 10 minutes, and that's without a conclusion. i just don't feel like doing any assignments and even when i write the dialog for ldv, i am stuck and cant think anymore. and i don't even have a single word for the 500 word essay. why am i like this? am i just so sick of work or is it because i am dying to do my es assignment instead? see, i like es and i find that question very interesting. i just wish to be rid of all these assignments so that i can start my revision..i want to revise la. want to study for finals.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

the joys of motherhood

some may be shocked to learn that i want to have 8 kids. ok, that's quite a lot of delivering for me to do, so i hope for a minimum of 5..
why so many children? for one thing, i'm the only child and i really want to expend my family. and for the other reason, i simply love children.
these are all my darlings. some of them grew up with me. i spend my holidays in kl with my nephews and nieces. so, they are really attached to me.

there is a big difference when a child grow up with you. see, Irshad, (the 2nd picture) was in ipoh till he was about 2 years old. i used to spend every weekend with him. and sometimes he even demanded to see me during the weekdays. once he shifted to kl, i started spending my holidays in kl with him and his brother. now in form 1, he is still so close to me. he is a very extremely shy boy, but because he grew up with me, he is not akward to be close to me.

and imran (the 1st pic) he really is a charmer. i still remember the times when he used to come and sleep on me. and he is just so sweet with his words even till now. recently i baked him a cake, and he told me 'soon, you will be baking for secret recipe' sweet right. when he was much smaller, he once told his mother 'you baked the best pizzas in the world, but pizza hut is nicer'.

i dun have a picture of shameer but i will upload it someday. but i have one of his brother, shamser (last picture)..both are so highly entertaining and i just have fits of laughter with them.

and my 2 darling girls, aishah and ameera, there's simpply no words to describe the joy of being with you. aishah touched my heart in so many ways.. she wrote a love letter to me telling me how much she loves me (i still keep it) and she is always so thoughtful of others. a real good kakak. and ameera, your smiles bring joy to me even when i'm most tensed.

children, they show their affection in love in the most unexpected ways. aishah and shamser would just suddenly come up to me and hug me. irshad and imran's constant question to me is always 'when are you coming to kl' and when i've spent days and weeks with them and are about to come back to ipoh, they'll immediately ask 'when are you coming again?'

one of my greatest pleasures of life is to watch you children grow up. and that more than anything is the reason why i really want many kids. in fact, one of the reasons why i don't want to be a doctor is because i dont want my future children to be neglected due to my career.

seems like i'm desperate to be a mother right? well, i have no rush to have a bf or a husband, but i have such a longing to be a mother..i wonder why? maybe because i've had a glimpse of the joys of motherhood.

i really love cats

see my last post, cute right?

that's why i love them so very very much.

cats can never hurt me,unlike humans.

when i show them affection, they show me even more love..

oh,cats i love you so much...muaks, muaks, muaks..

the loss of civilisation

Just look at those adorable cats. any cat lover will just melt when they see the pictures. but it is my assumption that even those who are not cat lovers will be nothing but disgusted at the thought of eating cats or dogs (sorry, no pictures of doggies).

that's what i'm going to discuss in this post. the absurd and cruel proposal of eating dogs in order to reduce the amount of stray dogs on the roads. some time back, this vet by the name dato ahmad suhaimi actually suggested that in order to reduce the amount of stray dogs, we should kill them and sell them by the pounds to be consumed.
back in the japanese era, people used to eat cats and dogs because of desperation, because that was their only chances of survival. now, we have abundant food. people wate food on a daily basis. so why in the world should we kill and eat man's best friend?
some time back, it was found that rabbit's meat is more healthy and less in calories. yet the proposal to eat rabbit meat was not accepted by the general public simply because people with hearts could not bring themselves to eat animals which has been long accepted to be pets.
and dogs are well known for their loyalty towards their masters and their intelligence. is it logical to just murder these animals and eat them when there are so much other food which we can consume.
and of all the people, it is a vet who gave such a suggestion. a person who is supposed to save and treat these animals. what is happening to the world? why are we loosing our civilisation?
today, a vet suggest that we eat dogs..if this sickening idea is carried out, in time to come, i wouldn't be surprised if we are told to eat humans. humans are so often worse than animals. 'do not call a person animal brain, you are insulting the animals (Paul, R 2010).