Monday, June 13, 2011
and surprisingly enough, i feel as if today is just another day of my life. It's like there's nothing unusual happening today, just a routine day. Am I normal?
When i slept last night, i wasn't even thinking of my exams (nor did i do any revision the whole of last night). I was just lying in my bed thinking of other stuff. I dont think i've ever been like this before an exam. I feel emotionless. I am not scared of nervous, nor am i confident or happy. i feel nothing at all.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
My first year just passed through like lightning, but this time, I didn't exactly waste my time (at least not all of it) as i can truthfully say, I have lived my first year in warwick to the fullest. However, a crucial time has approached- exams. The system in Warwick is different from what I am accustomed to, and now i just wonder how will i feel when I'm writing down the answers to the exam questions. Will i be able to answer them? Will I be calm? How similar or different will it be from my past experiences of sitting for exams? I set off to Warwick with a mission, and my mission wasn't solely to do well in exams, I have somewhat achieved the others, now i need to tackle this mission of mine.
The end of exams will also mark the end of my 1st year. I am filled with mix feelings. But I am ready to go on. And as usual, i will take each day as it comes, not paying too much attention to do the past, nor thinking to much of the future. Life is to be taken as it comes, one step at a time.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
They have succeeded in doing so many things that parents and teachers of the modern world (not all, but a huge number of them) have failed to do. This group came with their songs, creating album after album. And all of a sudden, a small child is able to memorise all 25 names of the rasuls, recite the syahadah and many other zikr while UNDERSTANDING it's meaning. And Raihan do seem to have a few different songs for the selawat to Rasullullah SAW and this too has become a practice by many youngsters. They may all be songs, but one important thing i finally noted is that Raihan don't seem to use stringed instruments in their songs, and yet their songs are so beautiful, meaningful and just superb!
As they continue to succeed in their career, they started travelling to other Muslim countries to spread their songs and along with it, to do the work of Dakwah. They made songs in different languages, but still sharing a big similarity, the lyrics are the call to remember Allah and to encourage people to remember their responsibilities as Muslims. As a child I did not notice that they were actually carrying out dakwah, all I thought was 'Yeay! I like this song', and in liking the songs, I started memorising them and singing them often. In every repetition of this act I was either repeating verses of zikir and its meaning or repeating some rules/reminders about Islam. I was planting them in my heart. And i believe, I'm not the only one who did that.
While the child me did not notice that Raihan was actually carrying out dakwah, some adults did notice it. I was listening to Ching Ai one day (its a song by Raihan in Chinese with some malay translation) and someone just went 'This is too much. They are translating it to other languages..definitely to do dakwah and to get people from other races to join Islam. They're too much already!' (ok..i cant really remember exactly what this person said, but this is indeed its core contents) So, unfortunately for me, I do have people in my life trying to brainwash me into believeing that doing Dakwah is Wrong! Astagfirullah...So many times some people tried planting this in my mind..Astagfirullah...and though some were non-muslims, i am sad to say, some others were Muslims. Thanks to people like these, Dakwah is becoming a forgotten sunnah as time passes.
A few years back, the leader of Raihan had a heart attack and passed away. May Allah bless him in the afterworld. Amiin. But the group still carried on even though they are not as active as before (or maybe they are but i just don't notice it). Rasullullah started his dakwah with family and closest friends before reaching out to the rest of Makkah's community and later on to those in other countries. Raihan has done the same. They started with Malay songs intended for Malaysians. As they became more popular and accepted, they started making songs in diff language to reach out to people in other countries. They followed the steps of Rasulullah, but in a different but still successful way.
For still carrying out a heavy sunnah which many people choose to ignore,
For taking the trouble to travel and spread Islam,
For reminding Muslims about the basic teachings of Islam,
For reminding Muslims to always remember Allah and Rasulullah,
And for everything else that you have done to bring people closer to Islam,
THANK YOU, RAIHAN.
May Allah answer all your prayers and reward each of you for your good deeds.
Friday, May 20, 2011
We were not class mates, but we were hall mates...and not just any oridinary hallmates, we were ladies with a mission -to pass the 2-year foundation course in order to further our studies in Warwick University.
Together, we spent our allowance feeding her, and we took turns to play with her and keep her company. I did not keep Brownie in my room, so it was this friend of mine who had to wake up at odd hours in the night to open the door when Brownie needed to go to toilet. And we both became Grannies to Brownies 8 kittens. For some strange reason, Brownie loved our socks. My only conclusion is that, it must have smelled like fish. Hehe...
I have no idea why people around us kept staring at our table. I mean, it's not like we had too much food on the table, orrrrrrrr.........did we?
3. She is the first friend in my whole 21 years of life who finally succeeded in making me eat sushis. In fact, i actually like sushi now. IMPORTANT FACT!!!! She makes GREAT sushis...
4. Obviously...we also had loads and loads of studying to do..
But the studying and exam and assignment stress is always more bearable when you have someone to share it with...especially, if that someone is so full of jokes that you could start tearing from excessive laughing. oh yes, we might also end up with stomach ache.
So who is she???
Name: Nabilah Mhd FAuzi
Status: Single mother to Brownie, and single granny to Brownie's 8 kittens
Date of Birth: 21 May 1990
EH!!!! It's today la!!!!
Goodness me..you're 21 already? So sad! I'm still 18 you know. Was 18 last year, still 18 this year, and will remain 18 next year and for as long as i wanna be 18. In any case, old or young, you're still a person who mean so much to me. I will never be able to express my grattitude and appreciation for having you in my life for the past years (and hopefully for many years to come), but here's a simple wish for you...
LOVE YOU LALA!!!!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Refering to the subject above, I hereby notify all readers that as much as I like to do the most enjoyable activity of eating, I have no intentions to have myself eaten!
Why in the world did I go and watch that video about that badger eating the most horrifying animals like snakes. UGHHHH!!! now i feel sick. that honey badger eats all sort of animals but it was the snake-eating part which troubles me most. I do not like snakes. I do not like crocodiles. I hate them!!!!! ANd just cant stand seeing them even in pictures or videos or even animation!!! AHHHHH!!! And even though i hate them, I did not enjoy watching them get beaten by the badger and i most definitely hated watching them being eaten. EWWWW!
And to add on misery and phobia, the snake venom actually did take effect on the badger as it fainted for a while. BUt then, the badger just woke up again and continued eating the snake. Very troubling to my mind...Scary, freaky, troubling...
I used to fear death of being eaten by animals like tigers or lions, now i also need to fear the badger. Oh please, Allah..please, please dun let my last moment of life be a meal to some horrifying creatures...
Aishhhh...I guess I should just stick to watching innocent cat videos. All this animal eating is not suitable for public viewing. Ok fine..it is just not suitable for my viewing. Now i'm gonna have nightmares...Astagfirullah..
See..this kitty looks so sweet, adorable and harmless. As a girl who stands for peace and harmony, I cant tolerate violence even from animals...
Sunday, April 17, 2011
1. Surah Fatihah Protects one from the anger of Allah.
2. Surah Yaseen Protects one from the thirst of the Day of Judgement
3. Suratul Waaqiah Protects one from poverty and starvation
4. Surah Mulk Protects one from the punishment of the grave
5. Surah Kauthar Protects one from the enmity of the enemy
6. Surah Kaafirun Protects one from kufr at the time of death
7. Surah Ikhlas Protects one from hipocrisy
8. Surah Falaq Protects one from calamities
9. Surah An-Nas Protects one from evil thoughts
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT: I received this as an sms from Nathifa Jasiyya Lowman. May Allah reward you for sharing this with us. And may everyone who reads this post benefit from each verse of the mentioned surahs. Amiin.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
In this modernised era, 'coupling' is no longer an issue but a trend and the current 'in-thing' whereby having a boyfriend/girlfriend is seen as a necessity rather than a sin. Just look around us, especially in places such as shopping complexes, cinemas, bowling arenas and etc, these places are often packed with young lovebirds. And most of the times, they are REALLY young.
For years I have been observing my surroundings and i note a pattern in this whole trend. Guys often choose girls who are pretty, stylish, sexy and at times 'gedik'. Girls on the other hand tend to choose guys who are good in satisfying their needs and paying them a lot of attention. I see girls with thick make-up and revealing clothes who just allow guys to hold their hands, hug them and even kiss them. Sometimes they do wear the hijab, but still their mode of dressing does not fully obey the guidelines of Islam. When they wear short sleeved tops, their arms can be seen. Sometimes, their t-shirt is short and their jeans are tight. Often too, their t-shirts are also so tight that it reveals every curve of the female body. What else, if the girl does not even wear a hijab, of course, much more is revealed. And now there is this trend of wearing dresses and mini-skirts. Yes, every part of the body is covered in cloth, but since these dreses are often body fit, in which the chest part is often emphasized, the dress is still not fully decent. And when the dress or skirt is worn over tights, the shape of the legs are still revealed.
The above are often the very thing that catches a guy's attention and so called 'love'. Then the drama begins. The guy starts to call the girl, or talk to the girl , or better still, even take her out on a date. And soon the girl will go 'Oh! He cares so much about me!'. When the girl is upset, he's there to offer her some words of comfort, and this time the girl will go 'He is sooooo understanding!'.
Girls, a man who is worthy of your love is not the man who hangs on the phone with you for hours, or send a few hundred msgs a day or even the ones who takes you out on dates. The man who is TRULY Worthy of your love is he who respects your dignity as a muslim girl and protects you from the straying eyes of all men who are not your mahram , including himself. The man who is best for you is the one who brings you closer to Allah, instead of allowing you or even helping you stray further from the path of Islam. Choose the man who guides you to do good and forbids you from sinning and he who reminds you to remember Allah in your every deed.
Guys, Islam puts you a step higher than the female gender. In doing so, you do not own the latter, rather, you hold a responsibility to protect them and guide them. When you marry, you carry the sins of your wife. Now, what kind of girl would you prefer, the one who is pretty, sexy and smoking hot or the one who is decent and God-fearing?
Our love for worldly matters must never exceed our love for Allah, and this includes our boyfriends and girlfriends. It is not a sin to fall in love, but it is a sin to cross the boundaries of religion. Do not look for worldly love, until you have found the everlasting love towards He, who is most deserving of your love. Once you find that love, you will eventually find all other loves in the world.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Saya pilih keimanan dan ketakwaan.
Saya pilih keimanan dan ketakwaan.
Selama ni, Alhmadulillah, berjaya berpegang teguh pada prinsip2 hidup. Memang ada waktu dan ketika di mana pegangan menjadi lemah tatkala pencarian nikmat dunia yang lebih cepat dikecapi walaupun hanya kekal sementara, mengatasi pencarian nikmat abadi yang kekal selamanya.
So many times i fall for that trap, but then, i know i'm still strong with my believes as in the end of the day, I return to Him and know for certain that I am doing the right thing and in doing that, i find all the peace and hapiness that I need.
I'm a normal person, worldly pleasures do waver my stand more often than not. But when I pray and read Quran and ask for His signs and clues, i get that strong feeling that I deserve much better. What do wealth, good looks and popularity bring in the end? When we die, we bring nothing with us, only our deeds accompany us. What ever wealth we have in the world is of no use then, unless, while alive we had spent it in His path. Good looks? That too could be a yes if we don't leave prayers and we read Quran a lot. Otherwise...well...Fire is not a form of beauty treatment is it? And popularity...when you die, you're gone. That's it. No one's going to follow you in that grave, at the most, they accompany you for the burial, probably visit your grave during some rare occasions...and that's about all. At all other times, life goes on for the living.
Life here is temporary. What is valued by people in this world may not be the exact thing that is valued by Allah. And what counts in the end, is what ALLAH thinks of you, not what your friends or loved ones think of you (unless they value the same things Allah does).
So who do you want to please now? Allah? or the human species (who is ever so often hard to please anyway)?
Thursday, March 24, 2011
1. No more online shopping unless i really need something. I have most of the things already, like printer, winter clothes, sleeping bag, and books for this year.
2. Next year, definitely will still travel, but gotta cut down on unnecessary expenses.
3. No more expensive gifts back home. Will only post stuff when it's one of my parents birthday. And even then, will try to get something economical, and also light so to safe on the postal fees.
4. Gotta cut down on the chocolates and cakes and pastries. After this no more buying chocolate drinks from costa or curiositea. if buy also, only once a term or if really need to have outings with friends. And instead of having cakes and pastries on a weekly basis, or even a few times a week, I have to cut that down to one month once at the most.
5. cut down on top-up...use skype instead =).
Insyaallah, next year, i wont look at my bank statement again and go 'uh-oh!' =)
Saturday, March 19, 2011
We outgrow clothes and toys but sometimes there are just some things you'll never outgrow. For me it is these two cartoons. When I am down or stressed and need some cheer, i just play these cartoons and for the period of time that it is playing, I return to the state of a child, where worry and tension are two unknown matters and my only concern is the 'happily ever after' that comes in the end of the cartoon. Sometimes, it takes innocent cartoons like this to remind us that when life gets so hard and unbearable, it is just temporary and that in the end, something good will come out of it as long as we ourselves are the good ones and not the bad ones.
"O you who believe! Avoid much suspicion, for some suspicions are a sin. Do not spy on one another, nor backbite one another. Would one of you love to eat the flesh of his dead brother? Nay, you would abhor it, [so similarly, avoid backbiting]. And fear Allah. Indeed, Allah is Most Forgiving, Most Merciful." Qur'an, [49:12]
The Prophet (s) once gave counsel to Abu Dharr (r) , saying: “O Abu Dharr! Beware of backbiting, for backbiting is graver than adultery (zina’).” Abu Dharr (r) said: “Why is that so, O Messenger of Allah?” He (s) replied: “That is because when a man commits adultery and then repents to God, God accepts his repentance. However, backbiting is not forgiven until forgiven by its victim.” [Al-Hurr al-`Amili, Wasai'l al-Shi`ah, vol. 8, hadith no. 18312]
I am remarkably surprised by Muslims who pray and fast, and read the Quran but are still unable to refrain themselves from backbiting others and even spreading slander/fitna. What a pity all their prayers (some even have performed their haj/umrah) are still unable to make them strong enough to control their own tongues. Wouldn't it be better for us to utter zikr, or some verses of Quran rather than talking bad about others? Even when we have been wronged by someone, our religion teaches us to be patient and not repeat the persons bad deeds to others, what else if you have not been wronged?
It is not easy to control our words, but as backbiting and spreading slander are considered heavy sins which will be punished both in the dunia as well as akhira', it is wise for us to take this issue seriously and improve for the better.
For a start, before you talk bad about others, reflect your own self. Do you pray 5 times a day? Do you complete your fast during Ramadhan? Does your dressing obey the guidelines of Islam? Does your daily communication obey the limitations provided by Islam, especially when talking to the opposite sex? Are you free from committing sins especially,the heavy sins?
If we ourselves are not perfect, why condemn others? A person who is really good will not simply talk bad about others. Raqib and Atib are by our sides every moment of our lifes. The former jots our good deeds while the latter our sins. There is no escape for anyone and Allah is All-Knowing and also All-Merciful.
Often we take prayers and fasting seriously but forget that our mouths are one of human's greatest liabilty. Lets repent, and do our level best to correct oursleves. It is not easy, I know, I am not perfect either. But I want to change and i hope anyone who have also committed these sins will change too.
From Him we come and to Him we return. We were born in a state which is clean from sins, but what state will we be in when we return to HIm?
Monday, March 7, 2011
Now the whole good thing about waking up early is that i get to beat the cleanes to use the kitchen and the bathroom. if i wake up late, i'll have to 'rebut' (fight) for this places with them. i wonder why do they come so early.. also, i have to fight for the place with the other residences on this floor. the bathrooms are all occupied as early as 8 am and sometimes even before that. but yeah, that's hostel life.
Though i have not done any reading yestearday and today, at least i've settled some other things. at times, it does get stressful when you have too much to see to in such short time. but waking up early and having so much extra time to do little things helps so mch to lessen my worries...
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Neway, i was way too upset yesterday to do anything or to talk to anyone. The moment i reached my room, i went straight to bed and slept right till 7.30. when i woke up, I still felt horrid. It was hard to work on the assignment as my mind was terribly messed up. the fact that the question is indeed hard did not help either. there i was, sitting in my room...all down and clueless. then, i decided that i needed to cheer up a bit. so i googled comedies. first i watched 'fawlty towers' than i watched a few episodes of 'mind your language'. oh, how i miss that show. 'mind your language' made me laugh so much and this really helped in clearing my muddled mind. i watched for hours. now i know that one of the key to my own success is to be happy and to take things easy. a happy and relaxed me is able to write essays fast and they usually do have a flow of ideas. a messed up and upset me cant do any thinking and i only end up creating a mess in my essay. when i managed to clam myself a bit,i started writing the assignment.before i knew it, i already had 600 words and now i already have 1212.
no, i havent finished yet. i still have a lot to write and since i'll be exceeding the word count, i need to cut down on my words. i hope this assignment will be a real improvement. my,my, my...getting 50+ for 2 assignments in a row...what a slap.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
2. havent finished my short story for this week
3.havent started on culture assignment
4.programme in prayer hall on saturday 10-6pm =)
5. had ISOC 1st meeting
6. i really need to stroke a cat
7.managed to get my hands on gogo's burger but that day's one is so much nicer
8. i'm enjoying 'my sister's keeper'
9. i am still able to manage my time well, and i believe so far i have enough time for work, rest and prayers
10. gotta cook something tomoro
11. spent 9.10 pounds on food alone today
12. i realise how some people may take criticism very badly
13. i'm eating too much fast food, chocolates and other unhealthy food
14. i'm disappointed with my sociolinguistics assignment
15. have usrah at 1 pm, but i also have a date with my family on skype at that same time
16. already, my activities are clashing one another
17. i still have that doubt
18. i know why
19. but do i know how to resolve it?
20. parents thought the real life flowers in my room is plastic
21. i vacuumed room yesterday
22. i have a lot of clothes to hand wash
23. i miss someone...
24. i'm scared of the days ahead
25. life moves fast for me.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
All my life, i have never questioned the decisions He makes for me. This is no exception. There are times when i don't get what i want, but in the end (often the ends for me always come sooner than expected) i realise that there are better things in life. This is just one example.
I see my win in the elections as a call of duty. the time has come for me to contribute to Islam. And i willingly and happily except this duty of mine. I am not perfect nor do i have abundant knowledge of Islam. It is my hope that in my journey as the exec of ISOC, i will improve myself while using my leadership skills to help others do the same. also, I hope that my ability to write well and speak convincingly will help in my humble attempts to spread the beauty of Islam.
ISOC, I am ready for you.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
I learnt to cook and i have actually been cooking every now and then.
I've taken an extra course in writing (i just noticed that it helps me have an easy flow in my academic writing)
I still scored a satisfactory grade for my culture portfolios
I have learned to be more patient
there are a few more small achievements but i cant remember them at the moment.
This week and the following week are promised to be really exciting. On this Thursday, I'll be having the election for ISOC (Warwick Islamic Society) in which i have been nominated for the post of vice president. This is the first time i ever wrote a manifesto. I am rather scared of the elections but i promise to do my very best.
And for the first time after so long, i actully achieved everythng that i set out to do during the last weekend. I am slowly becoming more and more organised. I hope to keep improving. As for now, i can say with confidence that I have improved my lifestyle. My room is so much neater. in fact, it is really neat. I eat more regularly. I have quite sufficient sleep too. I'm not too late for my classes (less than 5 minutes late..not my fault,Lynette likes to start classes earlier than the scheduled time). I am able to control the time i spend on the net esp in regards to using social networks. in short, i'm improving =).
May I continue to be organised and not messed up. I work well both ways, but I do enjoy living in a nice and neat room and with proper meals, I have enough energy to keep me going during all these busy days.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
1. I had a delicious meal of fried rice with fried chicken which was cooked at midnight.
2. I think I had about 400-500 word for Oracy which was due on Wednesday.
1. I had 1000 words to go for Oracy
2. I had a real book hunt in the library (now i know what it means to be a hardworking student of Warwick). I was actually panting from all the rushing and hunting.
3. i was offered to represent UMNO at a meeting on wednesday, but SADLY i had to let go the opportunity
1. I succeeded in completing my assignment and passed it up on time.
2. I didn't realise Mukul's exact instructions for the discussion so i wasted almost 2 hours during the seminar.
1. I was the first person to carry out microteaching, and i only prepared for it on that morning. My instructions were not clear and i need to have better class control. otherwise, i think it was quite ok.
2. Creative writing class as usual, i realise that these classes are getting tougher.
1. Fauzana needed to iron her costume, so I went to ET's room and wala! etea and ell served me a good delicious meal. thanks girls!
2. someone put pork in my fridge space and i accidentally touched it. had to go out in the cold night, wearing really few layers to dig for earth. and it was hard to dig because of the thorns. but, with chibby's help, i managed to samak.
I've had a really good sleep.. Much needed rest i must say.
I have lived without facebook for a month now, and i'm still alive. The absence of facebook have perhaps kept me in a bit of oblivion since i am not up to date with all the events and other happenings, but compared to the good it has brought me, i should and will NOT complain.
I no longer open my FB homepage immediately upon opening my laptop, nor do i waste hours on FB. Most importantly, i am spared the misfortune of reading some not-so-nice updates by other people. also, i myself no longer need to worry about what i'm telling the world, or what aspects of my life are revealed by my friends on fb.
I feel secure. Sometimes it's so good to keep a distance from others. FB does not always connect people, at times, it separates them.
Now, I feel that I live a life of secrecy. No one knows much about me, what else about how i feel. And since i take months or even years to let out my true exact feelings even to friends who are closests to me, i'm really enjoying this secret life I'm leading. All of a sudden, i feel like this mysterious girl, a girl who is slowly disappearing from the public eye. What I do and what i think are matters to be shared only between me and Him. I may of course let out statements such as 'I'm tired after practices', "I still have the whole assignment to write and its due in 2 days!' and bla, bla, bla...but these are hardly matters which can be considered personal. I believe in time, I might even become more quiet (we'll see if that really happens).
One of my main aims in Warwick is to have minimal conflicts with others. So far, there hasn't been ANY conflict (as far as i'm concerned), and i plan to prolong this condition for as long as possible. The absence of FB helps me to achieve this.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
But then, i don't exactly have time to do much dreaming these next few days. I'm once again caught in the mist of doing a last minute assignment. i havent started a thing and its due in 3 days time. i only just read the question yesterday. and to top it up, i wont be able to work on it on monday because there'll be dikir barat practise on that night. nor can i work on it on sunday because i have play rehearsal to attend and i have no clue how long that would take.
but at least while bloging now, i'm actually trying to work out some bits about my assignment. i think ive worked out about 5% on it. owh, i have'nt written anything, i'm still in the planning stage. i know my current situation is quite critical but i wont panic-yet.
come lets get oracy done!
Friday, January 21, 2011
I would love to stay up every night and see to my work but if i do that there'll be too many negative consequences.
1. my health will worsen due to exhaustion
2. i will sleep in class
3. according to Mr Ruban, it will shorten my life-span
Anyway, right now i'm sitting in warwick arts centre. it's really nice and peaceful sitting here alone. I'm unsure which work to start on, but i will make the most of my next 2 hours or so.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
as for my targets for last night, of course i didn't achieve all of them. editing the script took up all my precious time, i had to just forget about doing anything else. thanks to the script, i even had my dinner only at 11pm.
i still havent so much as look at the question paper for oracy nor have i prepared a lesson plan for culture and citizanship. however, i did read on labov experiment (assigned by Mukul), and now i'm reading the links which he asked us to read last week (once again, 'siaran tergendala'). despite reading it carefully, i still don't fully understand the concepts discussed. i pick up things in mukul's class, but these days when i read, i get all messed up and confused. but the good news is, I actually studied today. Sometihing i have not done for so long.
I Think i have to forget about practising a 24 hour system where i study and read everyday. there are so many days in the week where i just cant do that. so, i'll resume to my weekly plans. hopefully with the flexibility of time, i will be able to adjust my plans and achieve them within a weekly basis instead of daily. I could do with less stress anyway. Stress is one of the cause for asthma. I need to take things a bit easier.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Lately, i just don't feel like talking to anyone. I'm not angry or upset, i'm just tired. all the coughing and choking takes up so much of my energy that i have so little left to do anything else at times. It doesnt help that i have a superbly busy schedule and that i have some responsibilities to see to. So with all the coughing and too much work, I'm not exactly the happiest person on earth.
I worry most about my studies. Last Friday, I had an attack during SLA. So, i just couldn't focus. Then i had to leave the class to use my inhaler. when i returned to class feeling better, i was totally lost. Good thing that I only need a pass for this year. However, I don't just want a pass, i want to do well. BUt at the rate i'm going, it'll be amazing if i can achieve anything close to excellence or even anything that can be called good.
This is just a test for me and i will handle it as best as I can. Should I fail in anyway, it wont be due to lack of effort because I'm going to fight back. If before this I may have had to fight other people, this time, I have to fight myself, or more specifically, my bad health.
Monday, January 10, 2011
i started on sla last night but i only manged to write 106 words. however, i wrote another 400+ in the library this afternoon. havent just had a long almost 3-hour sleep, i obviously have not had any progress for SLA. but now that i'm fully-fed and well-rested, i shall work continuously again and try to get at least 1200 words before i sleep after midnight (or mayb at 4, 5 or 6 am).
today was the first day of term. despite waking up quite early, i was 5 minutes late (or rather Lynette was as early as ever). i hardly absorbed anything in culture class and nothing at all registered in my brains during peter's class either. monday blues and assignmnet blues. that's all.
it's almost 9.30 pm now, i have to start my work. i dont want to stay up on tuesday night and wednesday morning to finish up my work. and since my class starts at 9 on wednesday, my work has to be done ong before i go to class. Class B, you're a bunch of lucky people.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Progress so far?
1. Group work and data- basically done but needs some editing and maybe a few citations
2. Individual work - currently 676 words and it needs major editing (this is already my 3rd draft-written from scratch 3 times)
I need 2000 words and so far i havent started anything!
I am still reading and trying to understand the concepts.
as for Oracy which was given to us months ago...just needs to wait till i'm done with these 2 assignments 1st.
I should stop blogging and instead start working but i seem to lack the motivation to do my work. I feel at the verge of giving up but i havent exactly given up. Still, i worry if I cant do my work in time or if my work is only rubbish.
Diuji manisnya senyuman
Terpamit rasa menyubur harapan
Terlontar ke dunia khayalan
Hingga terlupa singkat perjalanan
Tersedar aku dari terlena
Dibuai lembut belaian cinta
Rela aku pendamkan
Impian yang tersimpan
Enggan ku keasyikan
Merampas rasa cinta
Pada Dia yang lebih sempurna
Bernafas dalam jiwa hamba
Dan aku cuba
Menghindarkan pesona maya
Kerna tak upaya ku hadapinya
Andai murka-Nya menghukum leka
Di atas nama cinta
Pada yang selayaknya
Ku nafikan yang fana
Moga dalam hitungan
Akan disuluh cahaya redha-Nya
Biar sendiri hingga hujung nyawa
Asal tak sepi dari kasih-Nya
Sesungguhnya hakikat cinta
Hanya Dia yang Esa
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
i have been working on these assignments but most of the time, i'm just wasting my precious moments doing useless stuff.
PANIC, PANIC, PANIC!!!!!
still i have to finish my work somehow. I hope i find it much easier than my friends who are ALL struggling. the fact that they're struggling makes me panic even more.
I need a miracle. But much more than that, I need an attitude adjustment. I need to and I WILL set my priorities right.
Monday, January 3, 2011
They took me to the hospital (which was seriously so far away) and i received the treatment i needed. I never thought i'll get this bad. And to need to take steroids...well...i have no choice.
I don't know what i would have done without you four. I would have had to wait till the following day for sure but even then, i doubt that nhs would have given me steroids (which turned out to be a necessity). And if i had waited i would be suffering for another night. So....
Here's a big THANK YOU to Mei Ling, Kamal, Chief and Syafiq.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
There is an air of coldness around me here in the UK and its not at all due to the winter weather. I sensed it even during the first few weeks in Warwick but at that time i thought that i was just culture shocked and that it was all my imagination due to me being homesick. After more than 2 months here i know i'm not imagining things. I've spotted the reality from the start.
I've always thought that geographical distances is the reason why friends or family may not contact so often. Of course there are other reasons, but i believed that geography distances is one of the main. But now, i think differently. If the bond between two people are strong, no distances can ever keep them apart. we live in the 21st century, if we live far from one another, even if we are in different continents, there's skype, fb, ym and so many other social sites that can keep us connected- for free. If we're separated due to deaths, still, we will always be connected in prayers. so, there really is no real reason for connections to break...unless, people themselves choose to break them.
This wouldn't be the first time i feel this. Whenever someone needs me-to talk, to cry, to seek help regarding religion or studies, or even relationships, i will always be there for them. And if i fail to be present, it is only due to really terribly unavoidable situations. I've even gone to the extend of re-activating my fb just for the sake of a few and so many times, I will ensure that i have sufficient credit should anyone need me to reply to some important questions. Also, I'm always available at ym esp during times when we have assignments etc because i want to always be there to help those who are struggling. of course, at times, i'm the one going haywire, but my main intention is to help. So, why is it when i really2 need ppl to be online or to even respond to my mails/sms/whatever form of msg to seek help/opinion/advice, it is always so hard to get them? I mean, i doubt that you're actually avoiding me (for most ppl i really do doubt you'll do such a thing, but for some i know it's real but i shall ignore you), still...how can i not get frustrated??? It's rather unfair that i'm always there for people but it doesnt happen the other way round.
And i no longer see a need to have FB. I might reactivate it but i shall take my time and i will deactivate it in accordance to my mood and convenience. If you're important enough to me, or rather, if I even mean anything to you, you should have either my email address or YM. and for those who i truly owe so much love and care...my dear family, you will have my skype. I have deactivated fb and soon i will disappear from YM too but for my family and maybe best friends, we will still be connected.
It is my family and my best friends who are so far away from me, but still, i feel them so close to me (though for some friends, even you are a disappointment). For my family, I am so touched that you're always thinking of me. and to my aunts, cousies, nephews and even nieces, i know you ask after me when you speak to my mother and i also know you wait for me to be online. And those who are near, well...in the last 2 years i have actually felt that you're far, that you're distancing yourselves, now, this feeling is even stronger. Still, i will ALWAYS be there for all of you if you need me. No, i will not change that part of me. At least, if i am to die in the near future, i know that i have done my level best to be of some aid to those who need me.
Honestly, what will I do if i dun have Allah and my family and a handful of old friends to turn to??
It's like everytime i look at the time, at least 10-15 minutes would have passed, and that's not normal. Sometimes even when i just stare at the clock i feel that the seconds needle is working much faster than it used to. I used to believe that one would feel that time is passing fast when she/he is busy and fully occupied. Yes, I am indeed busy but ever since I came to UK, i feel that even when i'm not busy time passes so fast. I could just sit and dream on the bed and before i know it, and hour would have passed. Also, when i'm bored in class or when i hate the lesson, i used to feel that time is passing slow. But even tat no longer applies to me in the UK. Now, i feel that time even passes fast when i am bored (of course it passes extra fast when i actually like the subject or maybe...the lecturer. ehem ehem...) in short, time passes fast in the UK and i dun think i actually like that. I meant to fulfil and enjoy every moment of the 3 years i have here. I've succeeded so far. Maybe, that's why I feel time is passing fast...hmmm....no, no, no...it's still not logical. Time does pass faster in UK. That's definite.
and thanks to that, i now have to work at an extra fast speed to finish all my work and to fulfil all my commitments well. 2011, you sure are going to be a very busy year for me. I've already gone through days, weeks and even months where i have so much to do that i hardly have time to breathe (this is what we call a 'hyperbole' in literature...wink!) I realise my hectic life is back..but i'll be able to handle you... =)
Saturday, January 1, 2011
2010 has been a wonderful year for me. After dreaming of studying overseas ever since i was a child, i finally have my dream come true. I've experienced autumn and winter. And best of all, i've experienced snowfall and even made snowman. My trip to Ireland was wonderful too. The whole highlight of 2010 for me was to pass my foundation and make it to UK and i've succeeded. As for my results, well, it wasn't exactly as high or as good as i wanted it to be but it's the first time i can say, i have done quite well after getting horrible results for the past 4 years (i'm a total dope when it come to science). Also, I've been slowly rising out of all my troubles and the traumatic experiences I've had in the recent years and i can proudly proclaim that now, the real Safiya is finally back- stronger than ever. Yes, it took me some time but at least in all those time it cost I didn't really screw up my life or make any decisions which i will regret later on. Despite being down, I'm stil on the right track. Basically i have to say that 2010 was a good year for me. the only bad thing that happened was me falling rather ill during the holidays. hey, that's normal. I fall ill at least once a year, who doesnt?? Also, in 2010 i finally learn a very important lesson in life. I have learned to forgive others. I am not yet an expert in forgiving, but now, it's so much easier for me to forgive people and i find that i feel happier when i forgive. Besides, i think i'm learning to keep my emotions (the negative ones) at bay too. I'm starting to be more rational and less emotional, and I hope in the years to come, I will continue improving myself.
Goodbye 2010. You were a very good year for me. After having few direct 'bad years', you finally lit up my life once more. Thank you.
So with a happy heart and renewed spirits, I'm ready to face 2011! May you bring me and all those around me joy after each sadness, strength after every pain and hardship and most importantly good health and never ending faith. =)