Friday, December 31, 2010

Fantasy vs Reality

My age is catching up but i'm wondering whether or not my maturity is increasing paralel to my age. If before this i became addicted to my childhood fav cartoon 'Lion King', now i've got myself re-addicted to another one of my childhood favourite, 'The Cave of the Golden Rose' which is also called 'Fantaghiro' on Youtube.

Lion King caught my attention once more due to its songs and the hidden but meaningful message behind the songs and the story (i'm not going to elaborate on this. might do that in another post). However, the tale of Fantaghiro did not actually re-capture my attention as the effect the story had left on me many years ago is still very clear. evrything about the movie captures me, the setting, the plot, the magical elements and even the song. This is one movie i will never forget. and the land of 'the cave of the golden rose' will always be preserved in my memory for a very long time, maybe even forever.

it hasn't passed me that the movies and books which leave most impact on me mostly have something to do with magic and fantasy. after 'Fantaghiro' i loved watching 'the 10th kingdom'. and my favourite next to 'Harry Potter' is 'Narnia'. All of which are based on fantasy and magic. most importantly, all of those story takes its readers and viewers into another world, a world different from what we are accustomed to. In fact, this actually happens even within the story of '10th Kingdom' and 'Narnia'.

Now as I grow up, I realise the actual pull which all these stories have on me- the fact of being taken away into another wolrd. All my life i have always wondered how it would be if I accidentally or even purposely step into a different world. Maybe that's what i really want and it's why i continue to love these stories.

People say that living in fantasy is bad and that we must always stick to reality. When have i ever cared much about what ppl think and say. For me, fantasy is equally important as reality. it is through such fantasies that i am able to leave aside my worldly worries and give my mind some rest. besides, fantasy story always play with 'hope' as the stories always have a happy ending. often, no matter how realistic we are, we forget the importance of hope in our daily lives. when the hope within us dies, our spirits die with it, leaving us to be a lifeless soul. True fantasy, we are reminded that hope is not gone and that gives us the courage to carry on.

Reality hits us hard at times. Fantasy on the other hand can be argued to be a deception. The choice of living a painful truth or living a deceptive fantasy is individual and whichever option chosen; the choice is never wrong. Some people need to live in fantasy as their realistic life bring them no reason to be happy. they can always opt to live with sadness and heartache throughout their lifes, but is that the right choice?

fantasy vs reality...there'll never be a definite answer to that (as long as i am concerned). I need both in my life. I'm a realistic person (I know I am and I don't care if others think differently), still I will always love fantasy. I think that no matter how old i become, a part of me will always long to be in one of the fantasy worlds such as those in these stories.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

I'm wishing on a star
To follow where you are
I'm wishing on a dream
To follow what it means

And I wish on all the rainbows that I see
I wish on all the people who really dream
And I'm wishing on tomorrow, praying it'll come
And I'm wishing on all the lovin' we've ever done

I'm wishing on a star
To follow where you are
I'm wishing on a dream
To follow what it means

And I wish on all the rainbows that I see
I wish on all the people we've ever been
And I'm hoping on all the days to come and days to go

I'm wishing on a star...

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Reading week, Sushis and Birmmmmmmmm!

i promised an update didn't i?

lets see..the only reading i've done so far is chapter 1 from O'Grady's SLA's book. as for the portfoilio entries, i've literally not typed even a single word.

but today, i did have an amazing time in Birmingham.

despite the fact that i'm notmuch of a sushi fan, i actualy dined in a japanese restaurant an swallowed sushi after sushi. one thing i notice is that sushis have a very bad effect on me. i makes me go all weird, as if i'm drunk or something. this has happened twice: the first was during the bonfire and fireworks in kenilworth and the second is this trip. why??? why?? what's in the sushi that makes me go all excited and crazy???! ppl from other tables were actually looking at our table and i could read it from their faces "these girls must have had too much alcohol"...

well, that's that. i guess, its no harm for me to go a little crazy once in a while right.

now to the other eventful happenings in birmingham. i shopped more than my expected budget. nothing surprising there. however, i am very happy with my buys. i simply adore my pair of boots (although it's exactly like lala's she put it, 'it's ok kak long, we're sisters!'). while trying it, i din even ask for the price and since it was so very comfy and nice, i would have gotten it even if it had cost 30 pounds (it only cost 20 pounds). and then, though i already have 3 complete sets of thermal wear, i went and bought another 2 sets. erm..i'm not sure if this is a smart thing to do. i wash my clothes very often because i usually handwash and only use the machine once a month (maybe longer than that). so,do i really need so many pairs? but since i've already bought it, i'll just make the most of it. there are sure to be days when i wont have time to wash my clothes that often, so the extra pairs will do me good.

well...i could go on and on with this post but i'll stop here for now. perhaps i should do some reading. now, where did that novel go...?

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

My Big Plans for Reading Week

firstly, i wanna smile as wide as i can, cos after so long, i really managed to 'melepas rindu' to some ppl who i miss so much.

so, it's the reading week. logically i (and everyone else who has reading week) should be spending the wekk doing tonnes of reading right.

let me list out all the work which i have successfully accumulated
(from the o'grady book)- chapter 1
- chapter 2
- chapter 3
- chapter 5
- chapter 13
(Gass & selinker book) - chapter 1

ORACY- 3 theories of language learning
- Krashen's theory
- listening (i have no idea why there is so much to read on this...ish!)
- communicative competence

SOCIOLINGUISTICS- definition of bilingualis and all its problems
- individual bilingualism
- bilingualism & the family
- bilingualism & the community

CULTURE & CITIZENSHIP- 4 weeks of portfolio entries plus the ethnograpy report for this
week (which includes carrying out the survey, analysis the data
and writing the report)
- All the too many handouts...

so..i have all this to see to and since i have succesfully wasted my 1st half of the reading week doing nothing beneficial, i am left with too much to do in too little time. Live is to be enjoyed, its not worth getting myself all worked up for this mountain of work.

now to my plans for this week
1) lepak with ell in leamington spa. might even go to jephson garden to snap some pictures
2) write emails and catch up with my family, frens and lecturers in msia
3) handwash my clothes (this is a excaping this chore)
4) carry out the survey for ethnography report
5) might actually start on the report if we have sufficient data
6) i'll probably do 1 or 2 portfolio entries
7) i must get my hands on the oracy assignment (since i dun have the question paper, i still dun even know the question or have any clue at all about the assignment)
8) maybe..just maybe i'll read a few pages for SLA , not sure what i'll read but i'll try to read something.

as for the rest of the stuff which i need to read or do, i will just have to forget about it for now. i will start panicking when the dateline is really near or when it's about a month before the exams.'s 10 am now. i've been awake for hours but i havent actually done anything. i wonder why i even bothered deactivating fb. ever since my deactivation, i've found so many other ways to waste my time well. hahah...i know i'm so gonna regret all this in a matter of time, but i just cant bring myself to care.

btw, who else wnats to joing me and ell for leamington? we can release tension ppl (i dont thinki we actually have any tension as just yet but who cares..)

Sunday, October 10, 2010

When a dream comes true

i was supposed to write many more posts earlier but the preparation to go to uk really took up all my time-but alas, i'm finally here in uk.

my journey started off with the torturous struggle to drag my 23kilo luggage bag along with my 7+ kilo back pack and my extremely heavy laptop. the fact that westwood was a 30 minute walk from where we were dropped off made everything so much worse. i'm really grateful for the help i got from haniff. also, i just cant thank the seniors enough for seeing to our meals on or arrival day.

the walk was worth it. as it turned out, my room is one of the biggest and the view is simply breath taking. in the first few weeks the weather was a torture. coming from a very hot country, it wasnt easy to adapt to the cold weather in uk.

now that it's been one month, i think i am starting to adapt but i just cant imagine how cold it'll get during winter. i am still adapting and i still feel rather lost in this new place. i dun like feeling lost. i like feeling fully certain and confident.

the food is not much of an issue as it is easy to find halal food. besides, we can always cook our own meals. this is rather time consuming though.

one thing really does surprise me though. when i 1st arrived i thought i was dreaming and every step i took felt like a dream. surprisingly enough, i still feel that way. i dont feel very real. i feel even i am imaginary or something like that. even since young i wanted to study in uk, and my dream came true. now that i'm here, i should at least feel less dreamy, right..

when will the reality that i'm already in uk sink in?

Friday, September 3, 2010


The language camp this time was held in HOsba Valley in Kedah. The place was nice with a beautiful view and a lot of climbing to do. Phew!!! Remember those flight of stairs in the jungle people?? How i hated climbing up. for that reason and that reason alone, i kind of sighed when there are activites as all activites were held at the rooms which is high up in the description makes it sound weird, right. weird descriptions works well with weird people.

I was among the lucky ones who got to stay in the chalet. And my roommates were Faiza and Qistina. When i first entered it, i was in fact, rather impressed. After all Mr Earnest's empty threats about the place not being 'to our liking', i felt it was not bad. I still remember sending him an sms to inform him that my chalet was like a 4 star hotel. What a waste of my 15cents!!!

That night, we learned the true characteristics of the chalet. and we realised it only when we were sleeping. The ceiling was leaking! And the leak was bad. In no time at all, half the room was wet. To worsen matters, the room was carpetted, so even till the camp ended, the floor was still wet. Could you imagine the stink? we could smell it even from outside.

The lucky thing was, the management got it fixed fast. When they took of a part of the ceiling, we got a shock- the pipe was actually broken and the water was running down in top speed!

Despite the repairs, the three of us, along with our roommates form Batu Lintang lived in the stinking chalet for four days...

Thursday, September 2, 2010


"Sir, we are ppl who work best at the last minute."

"That is not last minute, that is last second!"

That was Mr Yusni's response to our many claims that last minute work is always the best.

With 3 assignments due on the same day, we had no choice but to work at the ';ast second'. I still remember working with Jamie, Yasmin and Alya. We took the topic of 'Deforestation'. A day before the exhibition, we started our major preparations like looking for the materials to present.

we started our online search at about 11pm the night before. till this day, i thank my lucky fortune that we could access the internet that night. otherwise, we might have jolly well failed the assignment. we worked till morning. we prited and cut out pieces of paper to be pasted on manila cards. we also read thorugh our notes and forced what we could into our brains. with no sleep and limited time, nothing much went through. thus, we took parts and divided the info between us.

That same night, Mr Yusni got us permission to enter Room 7, the venue of our exhibition. He expected us to actually set uo the exhibition as in utting up our presentations etc. But what did we actually do?? We merely arranged the table and other furnture at our respective booths. All around teslians were sitting and only just starting to prepare the materials for presentation. As for me, i was cutting out the bookmarks to be given out the next day. Mr Yus spotted me at work. If he had only seen me doing the same thing earlier, i would have been very pleased with myself, but spotting me at that moment just proved how unprepared i was for th efollowing day. Later that night, all four of us walked around to look for 'ranting kayu' to be put at our booth. Mr Yus was not oblivious to our last minute work.

"Are all of you really going to do the exhibition tomorrow morning?"

"Yes, sir.'

"But I don't see any of you being ready for it."

"NO worries, sir. We will finish up everything tomorrow. We will come at 6.30 am to finish our work."

The next morning, i had my bath at 7am. I still had things to do so it was well after 7 by the time i reached my class. So much for our assurance of 'being there at 6.30'. Hah!! I managed to escape Sir but some other friends did not share my luck as Mr Yus saw them walking in at 7.30 and even later. Immediately, he knew there was trouble. Thus, he came to Room 7 to check things out for himself and.....WALAAAA!!! THE CLASS WAS IN TOTAL CHAOS!!!

We were only just putting up our materials for exhibition and as for my own booth, MIn and I were having a nice time decorating our title. We were literally colouring the alphabets which spelled 'DEFORESTATION'. Time was ticking, and our exhibition was due open in less than 30 minutes. Of all people to pay us an early visit, our main guest, the timebalan pengarah, decided to pop in early to check our progress. Till this moment, I can still see Mr Yus's look of panic. None of us were ready. There were 8 booths there with 52 people at work, yet not a single one of us were ready. However, with some unknown luck and a lot of cooperation, the exhibition started in time.

Alya blasted of the speakers at our booth with Michael Jackson's 'Save The World' and the exhibition was brought to live. We also had a powerpoint presentation at the front of the class. As people kept filing in to the room, we had to constatnly entertain our visiors by explaining about our topics. We were all very tired actually, but none of us let it show. As mentioned earlier, my group segregated our info and memorised only parts of our topic. So there were times when i couldn't actually answer the questions asked by visitors, but i rambled on nevertheless. As the day came to end, we knew our exhibition was a success. Everyone was happy and relieved, especially Mr Yus.

Looking back at this event after a year, I still smile and laugh at the crazy things we went thorugh to put up our Environmental Exhibition. We did everything at the last second, that's for sure, but working together made it a success, and made it one of my best memories in IPIP. special thanks to Jamie, Alya and Yasmin for being a fantastic team.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010


And thank God that it is.

My four-month holiday is finally down with only one month left, and then I will be leaving the country to embark on a new life in a whole new world. With only a month left to finish up all my final preparations, I’m once again wondering if I am truly prepared. Despite my ambitious plan to do the cooking for at least a month, I have spent my holidays by hardly even doing ANY cooking at all. I’m just not comfortable doing the cooking here, not when I can find so many better ways to spend my time. Anyway, I know I’m a survivor, and it’s not like I don’t know any cooking at all. I’ve learnt a few simple dishes and I will learn a few more in the few weeks I have left here. Then, I will surely be able to cook for my own survival in UK.


The days are passing and that moment of take-off is drawing closer and I actually can’t wait for it. This would be it. The moment. After spending 21 years of my life at home (even when I left for college I still felt rather un-independent since my colleges had always been so close to home), I will finally be free to set out on my own. And I am finally ready. Mentally at least. As I take my first step in UK, it is my hope that I will be able to start a new life altogether. I hope to be happy this time. And I hope to make the most of the time I have in UK.

There are things I wish to leave behind forever and even more than that there are changes I wish to make – in myself especially. And once I’m convinced that I have changed for the better, I will see to it that I do all I can and all that it takes to change certain aspects of my life. I’m a lady with a mission. And with God’s grace, I have confidence that this will be an accomplished mission.

I’m sure looking forward to embarking on a new life altogether. Though I am grateful for being close to home for the past 3 years, I have to say, it gets a little tiring at times. I mean, I’m bored. All my life i've been stuck in Ipoh! how can i not be bored and tired??

So, University of Warwick, I AM READY FOR YOU.

The clock is still ticking and before I know it, my one month will be up. =)

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Menilai Keimanan Orang Lain

Rasanya, setakat ni belum pernah lagi tulis blog dalam bahasa melayu. Tapi tak salahkan sekali-sekala budak tesl nak luahkan pendapat dengan menggunakan bahasa kebangsaan. Dah lama dah rase nak ketuk2 kepala sesetengah org yg agak menyakitkan hati ni. Nasib takde depan mata, kalo tak mmg gerenti la kene pancaran laser mulut saya ni.
Ni pasal email-email Islamic yand selalu sangat saya dapat. Memang penuh gak la inbox saya dengan email2 yg sedemikian. Alhamdulillah, mmg banyak ilmu yg dapat ditimba dan tatkala membaca email2 tersebut mmg ada peringatan agar terus beramal dan beriman kepada Allah SWT.

Yang buat saye rase kurang senang ni email yg saye kategorikan sebagai ‘email melampau’. Memang tak salah dan tak dosa kalau kiter nak galakkan orang dan saudara seislam kiter untuk ‘meng-forward-kan’ email2 Islamic ni kepada org lain. Ilmu dicipatakan utk dikongsi bukan disimpan untuk diri sendiri. Saye cukup suke email2 yg manggalakkan kiter berkogsi dgn pendekatan yg menggunakan ayat Quran dan firman Allah. Cth: ayat2 mcm ‘kongsilah ilmu walau seayat sekalipun kerana apabila meninggal hanya amal2 sahaja yg mampu membantu di akhirat’. Alhamdullilah, lembut je bunyi nye, tapi maksudnye cukup mendalam dan bermakna. Baca pun tak rase sakit hati. Tapi masalahnye, ade byk gak email yg tulis ayat2 mcm ni ‘org yg tak forward email ni adalah org2 yg tak sayangkan Allah dan Islam’ atau lagi best... ‘org yg tak forward email ni adalah sahabat syaitan’. Setahu saye, walau baik mane sekalipun kiter ni, kiter takde hak nak nilai keimanan dan ketakwaan org lain. Jadi, siape la kiter nak tuduh org lain tak sayangkan Allah atau sahabat syaitan?

Ape jaminan nye, kalo org tu forward mail tu, dier org yg beriman? Setakat ni, xde lagi ayat Quran yg cakap, kalo tak forward email2 islamic, kiter dianggap tak beriman kan.

Kalau nak dakwah, banyak caranya. Mungkin sesetengah org suker menggunakan email, dan ini mmg tak salah. Kalau difikirkan, ini mmg langkah yang cukup sesuai dengan era globalisasi skarang ini. Kalau org lain tidak forward email, tak bermaksud org itu tak beriman dan tidak berdakwah. Mungkin bagi org lain, lebih mudah berdakwah dgn cara bercakap atau berbual, cthnye dalam usrah. Bagi saya, selagi kiter hidup dgn mengamalkan nilai2 Islam, itu pun adalah satu cara dakwah kerana org lain dpt melihat nilai2 yg kiter pegang dan insyaallah ada yang akan mengikut. Cthnye, kalau kiter berpakaian sopan dan menutup aurat. Mungkin ade sahabat yg terbuka hatinya utk meneladani kita setelah berkawan dgn kita Jadi, itu dah menjadi dakwah bukan. Ataupun apabila kiter menjaga batas2 pergaulan kiter, dan ade sahabat yg memilih untuk menjadi begitu juga setelah menyedari kepentingan menjaga batas, itu pun dakwah jugak. Jadi, kalau nak dakwah, tak yah ar nak tulis ayat2 yg menghina org. Rasullullah SAW berdakwah dgn care yg cukup lembut dan beretika. Sebagai umat Rasullullah SAW eloklah kite mencuba sedaya upaya untuk meneladani baginda.

Alang2 bercakap tentang isu ni, sy ingin mengambil kesempatan ini untuk mengucapkan setinggi-tinggi penghargaan kepada ajk2 di Surau An-Nur di IPIP dan semua sahabat lain yg pernah berkongsi ilmu Islam dgn saye. Selama sye berada di IPIP, tak pernah sekali pun saya rase tidak selesa dgn ajk2 surau di IPIP. Anda semua mmg best dan saye cukup suka care anda berkongsi ilmu Islam. Sungguh, saye amat2 bersyukur kerana berpeluang utk berkenalan dan mengambil manfaat dari ilmu yg telah saudara dan saudari sekalian kongsi. Mmg sye bukan ahli surau, tapi itu tidak bermaksud yg sye tidak menghargai segala yg telah dilakukan oleh ajk surau. Biar Allah sahaja lah yg membalas jasa2 anda. Also, kepada mane2 sahabat yg pernah berkogsi ilmu dgn ape cara sekalipun (care baik la), tak kiralah ngan email ke, ngan sembang2 ke, usrah ke, tazkirah ke, terima kasih byk2 ye..syg korunk.

Dan bagi org2 yg suka sgt nak hantar email yg menghina org, esp kalo email itu berkisar ngan islam, siaplah, lepas ni sye tidak akan ‘forward’ email itu, tapi saye akan ‘reply’ email itu dan nanti tengoklah, ape yg saye reply.


Wednesday, May 19, 2010


The battle is almost won!

only one paper left and that is the grammar paper. the revision class was really helpful as it cleared most of my doubts. i'm not only more prepared but also more confident.

so how was LDV? well, it was not bad really. only the comprehension was abit counfusing. but the essays was definitely easier than the ES quuestions.

just i cant help feeling i was being redundant a few times. however, as usual, i did my very best.

that paper seems to shine some rays of hope for me.

anyway, one paper left and then it will al be done and finished with.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010


There's half the burden off my shoulders. Despite my tremenodus hardwork, I must say i am rather frustrated with my paper just now. it's a good thing I did not rely on all those ridiculous spot questions. i relied instead on my own heart. I was right, it was on 'Charles' and the theme of frindship and love in MOV.

what disappointed me was the amount of time wasted in writing the 2 essays. when the questions asks for 5 examples, i am left with no choice but to write 5 points insted of my usual 3 points. and i got rather carried away as my essay was almost 5 pages long!!! no wonder it took so much time.

then there is the second question for novel. with so much time wasted on the mov essay, i was left with approximately 20 minutes to write this essay and the question was not direct. what with no time to draft my work or check my essay, i really cant expect a good grade. and it my answer is so different from my other friends. i hope i've not misinterpreted the question or wrote too clumsily.

then there's the poem which i did not have enough time to finish answering. there goes another 6 marks.

with so much marks loss here and there the prospects of scoring seems very dim. i have done my very best. i pushed myself to the limit during the exam just now. i thought so hard that i'm now having a headache. this is what we call mental strain.

the good thing is i still managed to finish my essays. i hope somehwhere beneath all those excessive rambling, i will still be awarded some marks. so, 2 down and i'm now left with another 2 papers.

all is not yet lost! chaiyok!

Monday, May 17, 2010


There's the biggest and toughest paper settled. Gosh, those stimulus were all so confusing. i almost got duped into believing that thequestion on population growth was actually on overpopulation. and i just didn't know if we were supposed to discuss both the positive nad negative impacts of it, so i took the safer way. i ignored that question.

somehow, i have this feeling. i know i've answered some parts of section a wrongly. the one about conflict. i most imaginatively and conveniently used my own terms to described the methods of resolving conflicts. are terms of my own creations acceptable in a paper which depend heavily on content and precision?

And how much marks had i actually lost with those mistakes of mine?

and for the questions in section b. they did not state how many points they actually wanted. i was torn between answering less or more. either way, there's a risk to be penalised.

anyhow, one thing is for sure. i truly did my best. so my conscience are clear. i have nothing to regret.

now it's time for me to allow Allah to do his part.

and good thing i didn't rely on the spot questions. ridiculous sopt questions la. satu habuk pun tak kuar.

and i shall do the same for tomorrow. rely more on my heart and my already existing knowledge rather than all these spot questions.

i know i've worked hard, but i still feel worried. the poetry section would determine my overall grade. i hope that the history during mock will not repeat itself. at the same time, though i've been preparing myself for the essays, though i've been reading up on the important quotes, i now feel worried that i have not done any essays. ulike my other friends who have been writing essay after essay.

i have about 5 hours more to equip myself the best way possible, and than its left to my luck and previous preparations.

i'm scared!!!

Saturday, May 15, 2010


it's finally here, from a 2 years-wait, its now down to 1 day.

am i ready to face the finals?

have i finished studying?

have i corrected my mistakes?

oh, who cares!

now i only want to do my best and be done and finished with the exam.

i really want to do well but something tells me, i'm not going to achieve my target.

and if i dont, i will most probably go through hell for the next 3 months or maybe even next few years.

ya la, some people (esp all that grown ups) expect me to be perfect all the time, to score only the best and nothing less.

if others watch movies and facebook since sem 1, it's still not as bad as me doing these things only at the final weeks of sem 4. not because i don't care for my studies, but because i know i cant work well under pressure. and since i'm almost ready, why not take a break?

but these people..sigh..instead of looking at the fact that i have worked like mad for more than a year and a half, they see that i play around at the final weeks before the exam.

anyway, to Mr Yusni, Pn Kana and Mr Earnest , thank you for understanding me and realising that what i need most is a free mind, not a last minute overload. while some others make me over-pressured, and act as if i'm committing a serious crime by enjoying myself, all 3 of you undestand that i have already put in my effort, long ago since day one in IPIP. you knew, i need rest and relaxation. thank you for believing in me and and for judging me on an overall basis instead of the very few times that i don't study. love you all so much! and mr lim too... yoo're one of the best lecturers i've ever met. your last remark that day made my spirits soar really high. if i had any doubts before, the fact that you believe in me has made those doubts disappear.

Saturday, May 1, 2010


finals is already so near but i still find it almost impossible to stay away from my cartoons and harry potter!

i mean i'm already 21 but i still love these childish stuff (i shall explain why in future posts, no time now).

i know i'm tired after class but still..i watch lion king every afternoon, without fail.

and i watch all 3 movies at times.

i still love books like sabrina the teenage witch,narnia,roald dahl and of course, HARRY POTTER.

i should be memorising facts for social studies but here i am memorising the songs from lion king.

ok, i think i know the problem.

besides the fact that the songs are simply lovely, it's the cats which are attracting me.

i simply love the whole cat kingdom, from lions to tigers and cheetahs. alright, due to the influence of lion king, i shall put an exception to hyenas.

well, will i ever grow up?

or will i still be watching cartoons even 20 years from now?


i mean that literally!


officially 2 weeks more before exam

and all i do day and night is waste my time doing nothing beneficial

i've got myself addicted to childish stuff once more

i keep watching lion king again and again

and it may be ok if i only watch it once a day

but i watch 3 movies in a day!

and my harry potter..God, i just can't leave without you

i know all the lines, but still i keep watching it over and over again.

it was good to have deactivated my facebook

i thought that would mean less distractions for me

but alas, i've found myself other forms of distractions to keep myself away from my books


and not just any movies..

it's all kids stuff!

i still have so much to cover

i dont think i can cover it all in time

but at the same time i can't stop myself from playing around

what's happening to me?

We Are One

as we go through life we'll see
there is so much that we don't understand
and the only thing we know
is things don't always go the way we planned
but you'll see every day
we will never turn away
when all of your dreams come undone
we will stand by your side
filled with hope and filled with pride
we are more than we are
we are one

if there's so much i must be
can i still just be me
the way i am
can i trust in my own heart
or am i just one part
of some big plan

even those who are gone
are with us as we go on
your journey has only begun
tears of pain
tears of joy
one thing nothing can destroy
is our pride deep inside
we are one

we are one
you and i
we are like the earth and sky
one family under the sun
all the wisdom to lead
all the courage that you need
you will find when you see
we are one

Wednesday, April 28, 2010


Tomoro we will be doing our passports.

There's only 18 days left to finals.

We have got the forms to fill in, and there's tonnes of it.

I am studying and preparing, but still i find myself in this dilemma.

I am scared of failing. Even though i know my hardwork all this while will pay off in some way, i am still scared.

But even more than that, i am scared of the future.

what will happen after this?

I am definitely happier now than i was a few weeks back. Maybe i'm becoming more confident as i cover more and more of the syllabus. maybe i'm just looking forward to a new life.

Still, in my heart, i havethis doubt and the instincts that something is going to happen. but what, i don't know.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

that's it. a break. that's wat i needed and got it too.

had a wonderful weekend at home. went shopping, watch many movies, ate good food and had a nice sleep.

but i really do miss my darling cat. it makes me feel so sad to see those tuna cans and know she'll never be back to eat at my home again. i still remember the last time she came, before she died. i was busy with my lappy and she came and sat next to me. then, the next thing i knew, she was siting comfortably on my lappy. she looked so cute, but i had to move her...

after some time, she left, as usual.

just this time i didn't know that it'll be the last time i see her and play with her.

i keep imagining her voice, i keep seeing her at the gate. i miss her.

but i believe it's really time for you to go. thank you for bringing cheer and joy to my home. we all love in peace k.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010


old malay proverb, 'ikut resmi padi, makin berisi, makin tunduk' teaches us to be humble, polite and respectful even if we are loaded with knowledge or wealth.

so i cant understand why for some people it is just so hard to be respectful.

this is not the first time i'm writing about this issue.

exactly why are you so stuck up and so very full of yourselves?

today, so many times we reminded you people to be quiet and respect the speakers, but still keeping quiet was an impossible mission for you. and for some people, i personally gave you signs and reminded you again and again to stop talking but shut up for a while and became noisy again later.

and your attitudes..gosh..some of you are indeed nice and sweet but some...!

mind you, you are new here, and many of you had not seen me or any other seniors giving you a piece of our minds. we don't hate you, not at all. but please be more respectful, not only towards lecturers and seniors but also towards your own friends. if someone is speaking/ talking, the civilised and respectable thing to do, is to be quiet and listen. you're all going to be teachers an when you talk in front of the class, you too will hate it if students are talking at the back.

'what goes around comes around'

think about it.

Monday, April 12, 2010

when dreams come true

i've patiently waited for so long, since form 2, never once did i doubt the power of Allah in providing me with the best, and then my dream came true. and one great shock it was for me as it came when i least expected it and when i was hit with various problems and bad news. but still, a dream come true..

i knew i have to wait some more and i did (still doing in fact), but why do i feel something has gone wrong? did i do something to screw up or complicate things?

is this another test for me?

You know i will keep waiting and will accept any decision You make for me, but this time i just want some hints. I promise, i will do my level best to accept it if things are not how i want them to be. I believe in You, very,very much but sometimes i do feel restless with my long and painful wait, could You please speed things up for me or at least let me find something to be happy about for now? or better still, could You pls fulfill my heart's desire? that one particular one which i have no control over??

Sunday, April 11, 2010

ok, discipline girl, discipline. no fb and blogging till essay is partly done.

i already had a fantastic weekend, now its time to work.

ok, a good girl. after work is done can continue chatting with old frens.


Saturday, April 3, 2010

k, my presentation is still way past 10 minutes, and that's without a conclusion. i just don't feel like doing any assignments and even when i write the dialog for ldv, i am stuck and cant think anymore. and i don't even have a single word for the 500 word essay. why am i like this? am i just so sick of work or is it because i am dying to do my es assignment instead? see, i like es and i find that question very interesting. i just wish to be rid of all these assignments so that i can start my revision..i want to revise la. want to study for finals.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

the joys of motherhood

some may be shocked to learn that i want to have 8 kids. ok, that's quite a lot of delivering for me to do, so i hope for a minimum of 5..
why so many children? for one thing, i'm the only child and i really want to expend my family. and for the other reason, i simply love children.
these are all my darlings. some of them grew up with me. i spend my holidays in kl with my nephews and nieces. so, they are really attached to me.

there is a big difference when a child grow up with you. see, Irshad, (the 2nd picture) was in ipoh till he was about 2 years old. i used to spend every weekend with him. and sometimes he even demanded to see me during the weekdays. once he shifted to kl, i started spending my holidays in kl with him and his brother. now in form 1, he is still so close to me. he is a very extremely shy boy, but because he grew up with me, he is not akward to be close to me.

and imran (the 1st pic) he really is a charmer. i still remember the times when he used to come and sleep on me. and he is just so sweet with his words even till now. recently i baked him a cake, and he told me 'soon, you will be baking for secret recipe' sweet right. when he was much smaller, he once told his mother 'you baked the best pizzas in the world, but pizza hut is nicer'.

i dun have a picture of shameer but i will upload it someday. but i have one of his brother, shamser (last picture)..both are so highly entertaining and i just have fits of laughter with them.

and my 2 darling girls, aishah and ameera, there's simpply no words to describe the joy of being with you. aishah touched my heart in so many ways.. she wrote a love letter to me telling me how much she loves me (i still keep it) and she is always so thoughtful of others. a real good kakak. and ameera, your smiles bring joy to me even when i'm most tensed.

children, they show their affection in love in the most unexpected ways. aishah and shamser would just suddenly come up to me and hug me. irshad and imran's constant question to me is always 'when are you coming to kl' and when i've spent days and weeks with them and are about to come back to ipoh, they'll immediately ask 'when are you coming again?'

one of my greatest pleasures of life is to watch you children grow up. and that more than anything is the reason why i really want many kids. in fact, one of the reasons why i don't want to be a doctor is because i dont want my future children to be neglected due to my career.

seems like i'm desperate to be a mother right? well, i have no rush to have a bf or a husband, but i have such a longing to be a mother..i wonder why? maybe because i've had a glimpse of the joys of motherhood.

i really love cats

see my last post, cute right?

that's why i love them so very very much.

cats can never hurt me,unlike humans.

when i show them affection, they show me even more love..

oh,cats i love you so much...muaks, muaks, muaks..

the loss of civilisation

Just look at those adorable cats. any cat lover will just melt when they see the pictures. but it is my assumption that even those who are not cat lovers will be nothing but disgusted at the thought of eating cats or dogs (sorry, no pictures of doggies).

that's what i'm going to discuss in this post. the absurd and cruel proposal of eating dogs in order to reduce the amount of stray dogs on the roads. some time back, this vet by the name dato ahmad suhaimi actually suggested that in order to reduce the amount of stray dogs, we should kill them and sell them by the pounds to be consumed.
back in the japanese era, people used to eat cats and dogs because of desperation, because that was their only chances of survival. now, we have abundant food. people wate food on a daily basis. so why in the world should we kill and eat man's best friend?
some time back, it was found that rabbit's meat is more healthy and less in calories. yet the proposal to eat rabbit meat was not accepted by the general public simply because people with hearts could not bring themselves to eat animals which has been long accepted to be pets.
and dogs are well known for their loyalty towards their masters and their intelligence. is it logical to just murder these animals and eat them when there are so much other food which we can consume.
and of all the people, it is a vet who gave such a suggestion. a person who is supposed to save and treat these animals. what is happening to the world? why are we loosing our civilisation?
today, a vet suggest that we eat dogs..if this sickening idea is carried out, in time to come, i wouldn't be surprised if we are told to eat humans. humans are so often worse than animals. 'do not call a person animal brain, you are insulting the animals (Paul, R 2010).

Monday, March 15, 2010

a teacher's glory

A tribute to all teachers in the world..and also to the teachers who are in the making.
A teacher is not a person who earns glory through earning millions and billions of ringgit.

A teacher is rich not by cash, but by knowledge.

A teacher's glory is reflected not through her/his achievements but through the success of those who are taught (the students)

A teacher is someone who brings changes to the lives of those who are taught by them through all the knowledge shared.

A teacher changes thousands of lives. it is a teacher who can improve the living conditions of poor students. it is teachers who mould students into better people.

A teacher's profession is indeed noble.

So why in the world would i regret my decision? i'm not interested in jobs that gives me thousands of ringgit and make me stuck-up.

I rather be a teacher who touches hearts and changes lives; just like how my own teachers have touched my heart and made me who i am today.

Sunday, March 14, 2010


Education provides one with knowledge that is often useful in earning a better life. Education in Malaysia serves another purpose: to promote unity and harmony among its people. To fulfil this aim, national schools are built where students of different races learn and socialise with one another. Through this socialization in schools, racial integrity is promoted. Education also teaches people about the proper conduct in life. Children are thought to be respectful towards others. Simplicity and humbleness are often values which are highly looked upon in the Malaysian context of living. A Malay saying, ‘Ikutlah resmi padi, makin berisi, makin tunduk’, teaches us to become more humble as we grow wiser or even wealthier.

So, what happens when education fails to instil these values in people? What we’ll then get are hard-headed stuck-ups who show little or no respect to others. In my life I’ve sadly met quite a number of people like this. Not only are they racist, they even show disrespect to the elders in their own families. The worst part is these people are not those with little education. They are professionals who hold degrees in highly looked upon careers. What use is their education if they only end up as people who forget their roots?

I have met people who think so highly of themselves and their careers that they feel only their careers deserve recognition and that their careers are the best of all professions. These people look upon ‘lower’ careers such as teachers, economist, tailors, etc with nothing but deep contempt. They fail to realise that their success is very much attributed to their teachers. They are oblivious to the fact that the nation’s stable economy depends greatly on the economist in the country. And obviously, they do not acknowledge that the clothes they wear are from tailors. I doubt doctors or lawyers or even engineers would be able to sew a garment which is perfect to be worn. Even I don’t have the skill to do that and I know many who read this blog are just like me.

These people tell me that ‘people who opt to do careers which do not result in an income of thousands of ringgit are stupid’. I think the greatest idiots on earth are the people ruled by such thoughts. Their ego has been so inflated that they fail to realise money is important but-it is not THE MOST important thing. It is essential in providing a comfortable life. However, excessive wealth is dangerous. Money, after all, is the root of all evil. What’s the use of having thousands of ringgit if you have to slog like mad and end up not even enjoying the hard-earned luxury? What’s the use of thousands of ringgit if you are going to be so busy working so much so you miss the joys of raising your own children? What’s the use of all that money if it makes you so arrogant that you no longer know how to treat others with respect? Most importantly, what’s the use of all that excessive luxury when in the end of the day, only a white sheet of ‘kain kapan’ accompanies you to the grave? And has all those wealth brought you happiness? Are you free from worries and problems?

This is what happens when education fails to correct the third-class mentality of some people. While there are many educated people who are successful yet still humble and respectful in manner, those few who are of the opposite nature continue to be a real pain for everyone who have to bear their existence. May they regain their senses and realise that once upon a time, they too were poor, and that their lives depend highly on all other people who are not only teachers and tailors, but also farmers, hawkers and fishermen and most of all, their lives depend very much on the grace of the Almighty. HE needs only a plit second to turn our lives around, so while we're still well off, it's best to stay humble and respectful. 

Saturday, March 13, 2010

sex education

The inclusion of sex education in schools is now a hotly debated topic. Some feel that it it a necessary move to curb the growing social ills in the country. Others feel that it is ridiculous to teach children about sex. questions are raised about who are the best people to educate and in which subject should it be included?

Having recently done an assignment on 'free-sex among teenagers' I think it is necessary for our youths to be well equipped with sex education. Through my research and various reading, it is appalling to find that even adults are unaware of how pregnancy takes place. Nor are they aware of the many sex-related diseases such as std, aids, etc. If even the adults are unaware, what about the children?

It was also found that many parents are still shy to discuss this topic openly with their children. They prefer their children to learn about 'the birds and the bees' from friends and reading materials. Anyway, how can we monitor that children are learning the right things if they learn from friends and reading materials? The internert for one is a dangerous place for children to learn about sex. Just type out the word in the search bar and they would end up with thousands of porn sites which is inclusive of pictures of lewd acts and sex videos. This will indeed teach youth about sex but it will also encourage them to be involved with free-sex. These sites wil not teach them the dangers of unprotected sex or the negative consequences it brings.

Thus, I strongly believe that children should be given appropriate education about sex. They should know what it really is and what happens after an intercourse. They should be informed about all sex-related diseases. Religious education should also take place alongside sex education. With strong religious grounds the youths will be protected from the growing social ills in this country.

Now, who and how is sex education going to take place? It will be quite hard and awkward for parents to discuss this issue with their children. Not all parents are open enough to share about sex with their children. To ensure that all chidren are given the necessary information, the education should be given in shcools. I vividly remember that my school used to invite people to give talks on sex. This way, even the teachers don't have to embarass themselves. It took only a few sessions which consisted an hour or two each for us to be exposed to 'the birds and the bees'. Not only were we told about what sex really meant, we were also provided with details regarding the hormonal changes taking place in our bodies and how to deal with them. Then, we were shown scary pictures of sex-related diseases. Pictures indeed paint a thousand words as it was these pictures which affected us the most. sSeing all the sufferings of the victims, surely, a child with enough senses wouldn't want to take the risk.

A child will surely grow more curious about sex as they reach puberty. Before they find their own measures to satisfy their curiosity, proper measures must be taken to protect them from bringing harm to themselves, their families and the nation.

'the best profession'

Ask a child what she/he wants to be when she/he grows up and the general answer will be a doctor, lawyer or engineer. Most likely, the child deosn't even know what the profession really means.

Anyway, i believe a young 21 year old adult like me have lived long enough to know what i have got myself into. after being in the tesl course for 2 years, i still have no regrets. however, some people don't seem to get it to their heads that this is exactly what i want to do with my life.

some still claim that 'the best profession' for me is to be a doctor or engineer. and that with 8 a's i should be doing a better course than tesl. they would go, 'what a waste..all those A's goes into nothing.

my arguments are:
1. i got all those a's to get what i want in life. not what other people want for me. i worked hard to fulfil my own dreams. not anyone else.'s
2. these people are not my parents. my parents are more than happy with my choice. so, who the heck are they, to force me to become a doctor or any other job that drives me insane?
3. every career and profession starts from a teacher. every individual have obtained a certain form of education, formal or informal. the point is, it starts from a teacher. so, why shouldn't i be a teacher?
4. i'm not interested in money. 'if you're a doctor in the private sector, you can earn up to 20-30k'. this is what i think 'as a mortal, that 20-30k will all be left behind when we get into our graves and face the Almighty'.
5. i really hate to do science., contrarily, i love to do language. why should i suffer with science when i am perfectly happy doing language?

so, i was asked 'you think what? study in England very great ah?'
no, it's not great, but since i'm precisely doing English, where else should i be studying? in a foreign university which ranks 52 in the world or a local university which ranks a few hundred something in the world? with all due respect to the local varsities, it is a blessing to be able to learn english in Warwick. local varisties are still good, but if i can get better, why not go for it? after all, i will be back to serve the locals. i am not just wasting my knowledge, i will share whatever i get with my future students so that they shall benefit from it.

this is MY verdict: i am going to do all it takes to fulfil my dreams. say whatever you want, even though you are my family, it leaves little impact on me. keep wasting your time with all your insults. the more you talk, the more foolish you seem to me. not to mention, i think you a highly proud and ungrateful person, a person who only sees your own profession as 'the best profession' and look down on other professions. the world will be a better place if there are less people like you around.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

The Rather Spoilt Me

I just realised how very lucky i am. Yes, i have always been grateful and thankful for all that i have but still, doing SBE at home is a bit different. i have my mother doing almost everything for me.
1. Irons my clothes
2. Prepares all the meals
3. Prepares my water bottle in the morning
4. Makes milo for me in the morning
5. Baked a cake for me immediately after i mentioned my craving
6. Washes all my clothes
7. Prepares meals every day based on my requests
8. Takes me out shopping (and usually pays for it)
9. And does all the other housework

These are the things which i would normally need to do on my own. Contrarily, at home, i have it done for me. How lucky =)

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Life is to be lived, not regretted

Now that the STPM results are out and the SPM results will soon be out too, many school leavers will be thinking about their next step-choosing the best career. While people often have good advices to share, the fact remains that at the end of the day, it is you who’s going to live through it. So, my advice is follow your heart and fulfil your own dreams.

I write this base on my personal experience. I was formerly a Pure Science student who pursued studies in Biological Science after SPM. I had certain doubts about furthering in the Science field as my true passion was language. While I was ready to apply for the TeSL programme, i faced certain drawbacks and did not even apply. There were people telling me that i was wasting my future and that students with good grades should be doing ‘better’ courses. Since i was still ruled by the stereotype ideology that Science courses are better than Art courses, i still entered and completed my foundation in Biological Science.

However, within two months in the course, i realised my mistake and became certain of my true interest. Now a trainee teacher in the TeSL Programme, i have no regrets about my decision. This is the thing about passion, you get satisfaction from the learning itself where every day unfolds new knowledge and experience. As a language student, i get the opportunity to be involved in the staging of a Shakespearian drama and it was an unforgettable event. I enjoy literature and find that i view things differently now. Literature and Social Studies have thought me to think more critically and be less judgemental of others. I learn how to respect the thoughts and cultures of people in various societies. Through this programme I learn about life and i truly enjoy it.

When you do something you enjoy, you will find that you are ready to face any challenges and obstacles that come your way. With this positive attitude, you will find that you are able to perform better in your field, and most importantly, you enjoy it. People around you will always have their own views about what is best. Respect their views, but don’t let others decide for you. It is your life, you decide it. Remember, life is to be lived, not regretted.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

why i did not do my work

for me, home means rest. it means enjoy to the fullest, and when you get tired of enjoying, you go to sleep. i seldom come home so when i do come home, i expect to redeem all the lost rest and enjoy. in college i do work really hard. spend hours after hours in the library for all my research. then in the hostel, i am usually busy wit all the assignments and other things which requires my attention. there are indeed many nights where i don't get enough sleep.

so, when i come home i've gotta rest. that is why all my work is not done this time. how am i supposed to sit and write my assignment when the tv is so tempting? back in college i don't even know what a tv looks like. and how am i supposed to type out my work when this is my only chance to get updated with friends via facebook and ym? in college, i can hardly go online.

and how am i supposed to do my work when i have to go out and meet relatives and friends? i am a person who value friendship. and one way to keep the bond strong is to meet during holidays. after all, we have all gone our different ways to follow our destiny. furthermore, i have not gone to jj or parkson or even giant for more than a month. so i deserve a bit of a treat right?

so, with all these distractions and necesssities, how in the world am i supposed to do my work? thus, all my work is till this moment - not done. some are not even started yet. God help me.