Sunday, January 2, 2011

When the near is actually so far and when the far is always so near

That is exactly how i feel.

There is an air of coldness around me here in the UK and its not at all due to the winter weather. I sensed it even during the first few weeks in Warwick but at that time i thought that i was just culture shocked and that it was all my imagination due to me being homesick. After more than 2 months here i know i'm not imagining things. I've spotted the reality from the start.

I've always thought that geographical distances is the reason why friends or family may not contact so often. Of course there are other reasons, but i believed that geography distances is one of the main. But now, i think differently. If the bond between two people are strong, no distances can ever keep them apart. we live in the 21st century, if we live far from one another, even if we are in different continents, there's skype, fb, ym and so many other social sites that can keep us connected- for free. If we're separated due to deaths, still, we will always be connected in prayers. so, there really is no real reason for connections to break...unless, people themselves choose to break them.

This wouldn't be the first time i feel this. Whenever someone needs me-to talk, to cry, to seek help regarding religion or studies, or even relationships, i will always be there for them. And if i fail to be present, it is only due to really terribly unavoidable situations. I've even gone to the extend of re-activating my fb just for the sake of a few and so many times, I will ensure that i have sufficient credit should anyone need me to reply to some important questions. Also, I'm always available at ym esp during times when we have assignments etc because i want to always be there to help those who are struggling. of course, at times, i'm the one going haywire, but my main intention is to help. So, why is it when i really2 need ppl to be online or to even respond to my mails/sms/whatever form of msg to seek help/opinion/advice, it is always so hard to get them? I mean, i doubt that you're actually avoiding me (for most ppl i really do doubt you'll do such a thing, but for some i know it's real but i shall ignore you), can i not get frustrated??? It's rather unfair that i'm always there for people but it doesnt happen the other way round.

And i no longer see a need to have FB. I might reactivate it but i shall take my time and i will deactivate it in accordance to my mood and convenience. If you're important enough to me, or rather, if I even mean anything to you, you should have either my email address or YM. and for those who i truly owe so much love and dear family, you will have my skype. I have deactivated fb and soon i will disappear from YM too but for my family and maybe best friends, we will still be connected.

It is my family and my best friends who are so far away from me, but still, i feel them so close to me (though for some friends, even you are a disappointment). For my family, I am so touched that you're always thinking of me. and to my aunts, cousies, nephews and even nieces, i know you ask after me when you speak to my mother and i also know you wait for me to be online. And those who are near, the last 2 years i have actually felt that you're far, that you're distancing yourselves, now, this feeling is even stronger. Still, i will ALWAYS be there for all of you if you need me. No, i will not change that part of me. At least, if i am to die in the near future, i know that i have done my level best to be of some aid to those who need me.

Honestly, what will I do if i dun have Allah and my family and a handful of old friends to turn to??

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